Twins Offense Clearly Distracted By ‘The White Lotus’

[Lou Hennessy]

The hit HBO drama has been the talk of the dugout, even in the midst of a frigid start to the 2025 campaign. 

Image courtesy of Purple Wolf Graphics

Twins hitters are hoping to get their eye back on the ball and off of their screens. In the season’s first two weeks, they’ve been incredibly distracted by new episodes of ‘The White Lotus’ on HBO, and their performance has suffered mightily.

“We just aren’t getting what we want right now and it’s hampering our ability to find success,” said center fielder Byron Buxton. “But that’s life. You can’t always get what you want. It’s like in the show when Piper finds herself at a crossroads between what she wants and what she needs.”

The analogy is pretty far-fetched, and it remains to be seen if the former All-Star really understood the point of the show. But Buxton’s sentiment remained clear. He and the other stalwarts of this lineup have been relatively aimless in their pursuit, stumbling to a 3-8 record in their first 11 games while ranking 29th in baseball for team OPS. And now, frustration is reaching a boiling point. 

“It’s really irritating. It just can’t keep going on like this. Fans deserve more than they’ve been getting,” said a defeated Ryan Jeffers. “How can HBO keep getting away with these tiny eight-episode seasons? They have plenty of content to keep the stories going and it’s not like they’re worried about sticking to a budget. What was your question again?”

Twins hitters have a combined .201 batting average, and their offensive production as a whole has been roughly 33% below league average. Their at-bats have often been uncompetitive, with plenty of weak contact or called third strikes right down the middle. This suggests questions around the gameplan heading into each matchup.

“We’re having a hard time reacting to what we’ve seen already,” said Carlos Correa as he booted up the MAX app on the dugout iPad. “Like, Eddy (Julien) saw some stuff about those Ratliff brothers in a recent episode that made him sick. No, like actually sick throughout the Cardinals series. Dude couldn’t stomach anything for like four days.”

Not all Twins hitters are suffering the same fate so far. Outfielders Matt Wallner and Harrison Bader are off to phenomenal starts, hitting a combined .300 batting average with nine extra-base hits. Could there be a correlation?

“Nah, I don’t watch anything on HBO. I’m more into ‘The Chosen’ or shows that are like ‘The Chosen,’” said Wallner with a judgmental stare across the clubhouse. “You all can keep your perverted devil show. Look where it’s gotten you so far.”

So now that ‘The White Lotus’ has ended its third season (with a thrilling finale Sunday night), the team is hoping to regain their focus. They anticipate increased prep time for their hitters, and less eye strain throughout the day due to scaled-down screen time.

“These guys have got to get back on track. The clock is ticking,” said manager Rocco Baldelli. “Not just because the rest of the division isn’t going to wait for us to catch up, but also because ‘The Last Of Us’ season two starts next week. I know some of these guys are going to have some sleepless nights because of it.”

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[Cory Engelhardt]

I totally assume Joe Pohlad is in an office somewhere mixing up some Pina Colada's for everyone at this point.

[#3Killer]

Although this brings a smile- it is so hard to feel anything but complete and total frustration over the pathetic display of this team. 

[David HK]

I started out laughing, but then I got the willies thinking this whole scenario is completely plausible... 🤔