Litter of Puppies Not All In Yet for 2022

[Snarkier Than Reusse]

Erhard, MN – A local litter of puppies is reluctant to get excited about the Twins 2022 season.  The litter’s spokespuppy, the only pup awake during the interview said, “To quote Walt Whitman, I sound my barbaric yawn over the roofs of the world.”  The spokepuppy stated he had no name as he has yet to be sold to a young, urban couple who will likely give him an embarrassing name. “And I’ll be really bummed if I get sold to some Cubs fans,” he whispered. 

 

“We didn’t see the 2021 Twins, but mom has been a huge Twins fan for over 60 years,” said the spokespuppy. “Mom says the 2021 Twins were dog meat by June 1, and she’s not sold on the 2022 Twins either.  Mom also says wagging during games will be harder.  They cut La Tortuga, so there’s nobody to bark and howl for.  They traded Donaldson, so there’s nobody to snarl at.  They traded Nellie, so there’s nobody to nap with. We like to eat, so there’s still Sano.”

 

“She’s suspicious of being tossed the Carlos Correa bone,” he growled.  “She warned us about free agents who put up career numbers in their free agent year, then don’t produce after signing a big contract. If Correa is just MLB average in 2022, we’re stuck with him for another year.  She says look at the teams in the 2021 ALDS. How is the 2022 team going to compete with them? Does a 2023 ALCS caliber team get there with a rookie shortstop and a staff of mostly first- and second-year starters? Young dogs and players struggle their first few years. Even Mike Trout got sent down.”

 

“My littermates see it this way,” stated the spokespuppy. “First, you hit the ball. Second, you catch the ball.  We can’t catch yet, but we have fun chasing the ball after we miss it.  Mom says we would have loved watching Josh Willingham play left field. Oh yeah, and thirdly, you throw the ball.  Who is going to do that?  Mom says relying on inexperienced pitchers does not a playoff run make, and the 2022 Twins don’t presently have a pitcher who has won a playoff game.  Tom Kelly often said that you’re only as good as tomorrow’s pitcher.”

 

The spokespuppy aired the litter’s final concern. “By September it will have been what, almost 126 years since the Twins last won a playoff game and 140 years since they won a playoff series.  Our mom has about 20-30 years left.  We want her to see a Twins World Series appearance.  Our milk teeth will have fallen out before we can even recognize the 2022 players.  Hope springs eternal, but it’s a lousy strategy. It’s time for a nap, get back to us at the All-Star break.”

[Heiny]

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