Game Thread: Sunday, 8/16/2015, 1:10 p.m. CDT Indians at Twins

[Jerr]

On a winning series ROLL           KEEP it going, Twins      

[spinowner]

 

Hm, well, I'm feeling unimaginative at the moment so you'll have to content yourself with something from the great archives of my superior frontal gyrus:

 

Dear Tech Support,

 

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance — Particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

 

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

 

What can I do?

 

Signed, Desperate

 

---

 

Dear Desperate:

 

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, While Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

 

Please enter the command: “http: I Thought You Loved Me.HTML” and try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

 

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

 

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

 

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.

 

These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

 

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance

 

We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

 

Good Luck,

Tech Support

This reminds me of something Patrick Reusse said once. He has noticed that if a woman eats a certain food her sexual desire disappears. That certain food is wedding cake.

[formerly33]

 

This reminds me of something Patrick Reusse said once. He has noticed that if a woman eats a certain food her sexual desire disappears. That certain food is wedding cake.

Ha ... well, you know what Einstein said: "Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”

 

At least you'll admit that we're perfect at one point in our lives. On the other hand ... men ......... no comment.