Are we sure the "concussion" wasn't just an excuse to get out of playing on a terrible team and instead play video games with his best bud? I took liberties with the Patriot Act and recently recorded a telephone conversation between Mauer and Morneau soon after the Canadian was traded to Pittsburgh. It went like this: Canuck: I got traded to them Pittsburgh Pirates. Mauer: Say what?! I thought I had it written into my contract that we get to play together until we retire or die from drinking a combination of cola and pop rocks. Canuck: Bill Smith pulled the old razzle dazzle and put some of that fine print on your contract, it didn't count I guess. You also gotta clean the Target Field bathrooms if your OBP dropps below .360. Mauer: Well that's it, I'm going to Pittsburgh to play with you. Canuck: You can't play there, don't ya know Minnesotan's can only play for the Twins? Mauer: Well then I'll quit. I'm moving with you, I'll start looking for a two-bedroom for us. Canuck: Make it three, we can turn the extra room into planetarium like at our old place. I still have some of those glow in the dark stars to stick on the ceiling. But don't quit, just tell Gardy you been getting headaches. We might be able to make this work if we try the old "Canadian Brain Freeze" trick. Mauer: Isn't that when you Canadians ride a Moose naked through town with an ice bucket on your head? Canuck: No, that's the "Frozen Furry Wedgie" and it's a bucket of maple syrup. Remember that time I was into those Saskatoon mobsters big time in 2010 and ended up missing the rest of the season? I think the concussion thing can still work.