Brad Swanson

Apparently Chris Parmelee was optioned to AAA/pre-packaged videos.

Holy crap, we're on the same wavelength. I originally had Blalock in the Francoeur spot, but I couldn't resist ripping Frenchy. Blalock was out of baseball by 30. How odd.

Prediction 12 - Jason Bartlett will destroy us all.

When I was originally thinking of 2014 predictions, I thought Sano would hit more home runs than Willingham. Colabello is a much bolder choice and I do believe in the prediction. But yes, having Sano on the team would have made my outlook even rosier.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! Prior to the 2013 season, I made ten Minnesota Twins predictions. Of those ten, I nailed six. Honestly, that's a pretty good success rate. However, two of the ten that I missed, I missed badly. Here's a very quick recap on my predictions from last year: Good: Justin Morneau will be traded. Josh Willingham will not be traded. Rich Harden will not be good. Joe Mauer will not win the AL batting title. Oswaldo Arcia, Aaron Hicks and Kyle Gibson will make their MLB debuts. Trevor May, Eddie Rosario and Alex Meyer will not make their MLB debuts (all correct, long live the King). Not quite: Joe Mauer will win the OBP crown (he finished third). Bad: Kevin Correia will be bad (he was not bad). Bad and slow-working: Mike Pelfrey will be good (he was not good). The "Vance Worley of predictions": Vance Worley will be good (he was...ugh). So, 6 of 10, but the Worley debacle takes a billion points from my slate, leaving me with nearly negative one billion prediction points. Can I do better in 2014? I'm turning the volume to 11 with 11 Twins predictions, each one more bombastic and brash than the next. I'll start with the easy ones and move to the tough calls. Let's roll: Prediction #1 - Sam Deduno will be voted King of Minnesota This could be tricky because Minnesota is part of a sovereign nation and a democratic nation at that. If one man on the Twins can win the hearts of the fans and earn the right to rule over the masses, it is clearly Magic Sam. Prediction #2 - Kevin Correia will be traded by the end of the season The Twins actually have five competent starters right now. It's shocking, I know. If you count King Magic Sam, you get to six. Kyle Gibson needs to be on the active roster for most of this season and Alex Meyer is lurking (see prediction #4). The Twins will need to open up a rotation spot at some point and Correia is in the final year of his contract. Correia was 5,000 times better than I thought he would be, but if the Twins can flip him for a younger piece while opening a spot in the rotation, they'll wisely make that move. Prediction #3 - Eddie Rosario and Trevor May will not make their MLB debuts I don't think May will do enough at AAA to earn a spot, especially with a better and more talented prospect in Alex Meyer (see prediction #4 again) ahead of him on the depth chart. Kris Johnson, Brooks Raley, Sean Gilmartin and Logan Darnell could all be used in a spot start as well. There are too many guys ahead of him. Rosario is an obvious call, as he will miss the first two months and then need time to continue his transition to second base. Prediction #4 - Bryon Buxton, Alex Meyer and Danny Santana will make their MLB debuts These three seem to have relatively clear paths to the Majors. Santana has actual upside, making him an attractive candidate for when Pedro Florimon is hitting .210 in June. Meyer could easily replace Correia when he gets traded. Buxton is just too exciting to keep the Minors for a full season. I envision Buxton getting a September call-up and never going back to the Minors. Prediction #5 - Pedro Florimon out, Eduardo Escobar in Do you like predictions that contradict each other? When Pedro Florimon is hitting .210 in June, I actually think Eduardo Escobar will get the first crack at the shortstop job. However, even though everyone in the World seems to love Escobar, he'll get replaced shortly thereafter. It will be kind of like when Yokozuna beat Bret Hart at Wrestlemania 9, but Hulk Hogan just came in after the match and beat Yokozuna for the title. The diminutive Escobar is the 500-lb Yokozuna in this analogy. Escobar won't get a long leash and he'll relinquish the job to the more promising Santana. I'll lose my mind before eventually admitting that it's the right move. Prediction #6 - Josmil Pinto will replace Kurt Suzuki as the full-time catcher by June Two major reasons. Kurt Suzuki is the same guy who has hit .235/.290/.353 since 2011, his age 27, 28 and 29 seasons. Josmil Pinto is going to hit extremely well in his part-time role. The combination of those two reasons will be too much for the Twins' brass to ignore. When the offense is sputtering as we all expect in June, the allure of better offense from an exciting, young player will be impossible to deny. Pinto will replace Suzuki because he's better and it won't take long to figure that out (some may have already figured that out). Prediction #7 - Phil Hughes will be better than Ricky Nolasco Upside, baby! Nolasco is going to be who he is. He'll throw around 200 innings, post an ERA around 4 and generally be worth his $12 million. Hughes is going to be better than his $8 million. I've explored all the avenues and come to the conclusion that Hughes has been really unlucky in his career. He's been a better pitcher away from Yankee Stadium, but only because he's surrendered fewer home runs. His fielding-independent stats were actually a bit better at home, but all the home runs really ruined his work. The shift from a short porch in right to a park that suppresses home runs will go a long way for Hughes and a long way for the Twins. When you also consider his age and the relative lack of innings on his arm, his upside is a 200-inning, 3.50 ERA pitcher and that would be better than steady Ricky Nolasco. Going a step further, I think Hughes gets an even bigger boost in 2015 when Byron Buxton and Aaron Hicks combine to catch all of the fly balls. Of course, that's a prediction for next season, isn't it? Prediction #8 - Oswaldo Arcia will finish the season with 55+ extra-base hits I'm all-in on Arcia in 2014. I've predicted him as my AL breakout player and I think he's going to become the Twins' second-best hitter by season's end. Now, that's like being the second-best something at a something convention, but it's still something. Right? I envision about 30-35 doubles and 20-25 home runs. Too many? He was on pace for 26 doubles and 22 home runs as a 22-year-old rookie last year (had he played 150 games instead of 97). It seems conceivable that he will get better in his second season and play a lot more games. Not impressed with 55 extra-base hits? Here's a list of players 23 or younger who have accomplished that feat in the last ten years: The List! Lots of great players on that list and Jeff Francoeur. It works out to just fewer than five instances per year. It will be impressive when Arcia joins that group in 2014. Prediction #9 - Joe Mauer will win his 4th batting title Mauer! Mauer! MAUER! With the tools of ignorance no longer in his possession, Mauer will be freed up to prey on the ignorance of opposing pitchers. They'll scoff when "Old Man Mauer" struts to the plate. They won't be scoffing when their caps are knocked clean off their heads by repeated line drives up the middle. I predict that Mauer will get into prolonged "grooves" that will no longer be squelched by day games after night games or "general soreness." Now, Mauer will be able to find his swing and keep it going every day. This will lead to hitting streaks, 5-5 evenings and a batting title at the end of the season. This ignores the fact that there is research that I refuse to cite that proves that catchers do not hit better when they move to a new position. Joe Mauer transcends science, research, stats, nerds, Nerds, and my inability to quickly find something on Google. Prediction #10 - Chris Colabello will hit more home runs for the Twins than Josh Willingham Yeah, that's right, I'm going bold! I actually think Willingham will bounce back to an extent, but I don't think he gets through the year on the Twins, at least not as a successful player. If he does find his power stroke, he becomes trade bait. If he doesn't find his power stroke, he won't hit home runs. It's simple as that. Colabello has been one of the Twins' best hitters during Spring Training and he earned a spot on the team last summer with a great AAA season. Jason Kubel has been disappointing this Spring (if you expected anything from him) and I can see no reason to believe that he'll be able to keep his roster spot for the entire season. That leaves Colabello as the Twins' DH and I think he'll hit 20-25 home runs, more than Willingham will have time to hit in his 4-5 months on the team. I don't even care if Colabello is sent to AAA to start the season (he still hasn't technically made the team). He'll force his way onto the MLB roster just like he did last season. He's really big. Like, strong big. Prediction #11 - The Twins will win at least 75 games EVEN BOLDER! A nine-win improvement would seem like a bounty of wins for this win-deprived fan base. However, I think the Twins have done enough with their rotation and have enough young players on the upswing to see this kind of improvement in 2014. 75 wins is still probably good for 4th in the Central and the Twins still have more building to do in order to get to an actual exciting win total in the future, but a nine-win improvement is a step in the right direction. My butt is officially on the line! You're out of order! What do you think of my predictions? I'm going big this year, no holding back. What do you predict for 2014? Are you and I on the same wavelength, or do you see things differently? I have some lemon juice in my eye, so please keep that in mind. See you in the regular season! If you looooooove predictions, do I have a treat for you. I predicted award winners and league champions, free of charge! Here's the National League and the American League, for the lovers. If you hate predictions, why not read my latest screenplay? Or read about my obsession with a 23-year-old dancing video? If you wrote those things, I'd read them. If you wrote those things, we'd be sharing a brain. Think about it. Take care.

Oh goodness, I hope that everything goes well. One of my all-time favorites.

I'm asking this with genuine honesty and no intended aggression, but why do you keep citing a bullpen regression? Who do you expect to regress? Perkins looks unlikely. His dominance looks real to me. Duensing was really unlucky against lefties last season, so he could actually get a little better. I think Fien and Burton already regressed to some extent, but I see no reason why they will be worse in 2014 than they were in 2013. Swarzak seems like a reasonable candidate to get worse, but even that I am not sure of. Thielbar I can see, he was above his head last year. Personally, I think Tonkin joins the bullpen at some point and does well. I'm not sure what to think of Deduno but I've been consistently wrong about him for the past two years, so he'll probably be outstanding. In all genuine curiosity, which prominent bullpen arms do you expect to get worse in 2014?

This is true, but the Twins' starting pitching was actually worse in 2012 (5.40 starters' ERA) than in 2013 (5.26 starters' ERA) and they did less to address the starting pitching in the 2012 offseason than they did in the 2013 offseason.

I'm not sure we are fully embracing how much better the pitching could be in 2014. The Twins got 72 starts from these five individuals last year: Kyle Gibson (10 starts), P.J. Walters (8 starts), Liam Hendriks (8 starts), Vance Worley (10 starts), Pedro Hernandez (12 starts), and Scott Diamond (24 starts). Those guys combined for an ERA just above 6. I'm not sure how good Ricky Nolasco will be in the AL and I'm not sure that all of Phil Hughes' struggles will be fixed due to a ballpark change, but I am 100% certain that those guys can give the Twins 50-60 starts that are significantly better than the five guys in the previous paragraph. If Gibson improves (a reasonable bet based on his talent and age), then those 72 horrible starts I listed above could become league-average starts or better. If that happens, the rotation should be just fine. You could argue that Kevin Correia pitched above his head last year and I would probably agree with you. However, I'd also argue that Mike Pelfrey was generally better in the past than he was last year, so maybe those two will swap roles in 2014 and their combined performance will even out. I'm clearly an optimist when it comes to this team, but I also don't think that I've written anything that is crazy or delusional. There's a realistic chance that this team wins 75 games in 2014.

There's absolutely an avenue that leads the Twins to an improved offense in 2014. - Mauer plays more games at the level of performance that he has already established - Willingham rebounds to pre-2012 form, or just slightly worse (126 OPS+ from 2009-2011, it would be unwise to expect his 2012 form). - Hicks and Arcia improve. This seems reasonable considering their talent, age and the fact that Hicks couldn't get any worse. - Dozier improves. For all the praise we gave Dozier last year, he was exactly league-average offensively (100 OPS+). He was better than that from June on though. - If Hicks falters, the Twins can go to Alex Presley instead of Clete Thomas, Presley is a much better hitter than Thomas. - While Suzuki certainly cannot match Morneau's production in 2013, Pinto could. If the Twins tire of Suzuki's bat or Pinto forces their hand, he could easily match Morneau's 104 OPS+. - Eduardo Escobar should get Jamey Carroll's at-bats from last year. Escobar was nothing special last year, but he's young and his OPS+ (74) was significantly better than Carroll's (53). So far, the two biggest reasons that have been cited for the Twins having a worse offense are the Morneau for Suzuki swap (legit) and the energy level of the veterans during Spring Training (subjective at best, unfair and irrelevant at worst). The lineup doesn't look great right now, but I think the dial has swung just a little too far toward the cliff, when there are plenty of reasons to be optimistic and realistic at the same time.

If he can do this while playing center (or right, please don't put him in left, his arm is wasted there), he's an extremely valuable player. That's a 4-5 WAR player in center and 3-4 WAR in right. His ceiling and profile remind me a bit of Mike Cameron and Ray Lankford with a little less power. Both of those guys settled in as consistent offensive players around age 26-27, but both had one good offensive season before that.

It's weird to find so many holes (or potential holes) in a three-time defending division champion, but there they are. I agree with your assessment on Verlander. He didn't look as dominant last year and his numbers validate that statement.

I get this sense too. I look forward to seeing Hicks as the Twins' closer in 2019.

Everyone (including Antony) should understand that Spring stats are useless because the level of competition is hard to gauge and the sample is too small. In 30 plate appearances, the difference between an unacceptable .269 OBP and a completely acceptable .369 OBP is three times on-base. Now, to Antony's credit, he didn't really cite any stats. I did, but mostly because I haven't seen enough of the players this Spring to know how they are playing. Antony has. In that way, I do need to defer to him. If he sees players playing poorly, he has the right to feel that way. I'd prefer he communicates that message directly to the players, not indirectly through the media. If I have a problem with an employee, I talk to them, I don't rely on another group to relay my message.

Content originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! I wrote a preview for each AL Central team this week. The Tigers preview appears in full below this section. If you are interested in the other four teams, just click on the team name below: 1. Tigers 2. Royals 3. Indians 4. Twins 5. White Sox That's how I think the teams will finish as well. You can read why if you'd like. Here's my Tigers preview: The Tigers have won three consecutive AL Central titles and look like the heavy favorites to win their 4th in a row. They have the reigning AL Cy Young Award winner in Max Scherzer. They have the reigning AL MVP and current best hitter in the World in Miguel Cabrera. They have one of the best starters of this generation in Justin Verlander. They have a potent offense, a loaded rotation and a respected front office. However, they have a new manager with an aging roster and they made some questionable moves in the offseason. Some visible cracks are starting to appear. Are they good enough to hold off the rest of the division for at least one more year? Key Acquisitions Ian Kinsler, Robbie Ray and Joe Nathan "Key" Acquisitions Ronny Paulino, Duane Below, Rajai Davis, and Joba Chamberlain Notable Losses Joaquin Benoit, Octavio Dotel, Omar Infante, Brayan Pena, Jhonny Peralta, Darin Downs, Jose Veras, Prince Fielder and Doug Fister My favorite offseason move? I guess it was the Kinsler trade. They had to make room for Nick Castellanos and moving him to the outfield would take away one of his biggest assets, his defense at third base. Thus, someone had to move and Fielder was the guy. They saved a bunch of money too. More importantly, are they better than last year? I don't think they are. They barely won the division last year and I think they got worse. They traded Doug Fister for players who won't really help in 2014 and they replaced an elite closer with another elite closer, but one who is approaching 40. There's a path to an 81-win season for this team, although I don't think that will happen. Awesome Name from the Organization Warwick Saupold Former Twin Alert! Torii Hunter and Joe Nathan, combined age = 77. Depth Chart [TABLE=class: grid, width: 500] C Alex Avila SP1 Justin Verlander 1B Miguel Cabrera SP2 Max Scherzer 2B Ian Kinsler SP3 Anibal Sanchez 3B Nick Castellanos SP4 Rick Porcello SS Eugenio Suarez SP5 Drew Smyly LF Don Kelly SU Joba Chamberlain CF Austin Jackson SU Bruce Rondon RF Torii Hunter CL Joe Nathan DH Victor Martinez [/TD][TD] [/TABLE] Lineup The Tigers have an excellent lineup. Baseball Prospectus' PECOTA projections has their lineup projected for the fourth most runs in the American League. Fourth, huh? I would have thought higher without looking. Pecota has the Tigers projected for roughly 50 more runs scored than the Twins, which seems really low. The Tigers scored 182 more runs than the Twins in 2013. It doesn't really add up. Then, I look at their lineup and I can see why BP would be just a bit skeptical. Prince Fielder is gone. Ian Kinsler may be a better overall player due to speed, body type, position and defense, but he can't hit like Fielder. Jhonny Peralta is gone, replaced initially by Jose Iglesias and now potentially with Eugenio Suarez. Those two may field better than Peralta but they aren't in his neighborhood on offense. Nick Castellanos is a rookie. Torii Hunter is 38, Victor Martinez is 35 and even Miguel Cabrera is 31. It's possible that their lineup is significantly worse than last year as three of their five best hitters are on different teams. Defense The Tigers are clearly putting more emphasis on defense. They traded Prince Fielder to open first base for Miguel Cabrera. That helps their defense. They plan to use Nick Castellanos at third. That helps their defense. They had intended to use Jose Iglesias and his weak bat at short. That would have helped their defense but he has major shin splints and will miss a bunch of time. Now, an unproven rookie with good, but not great defensive skills will play short. Ian Kinsler is just ok. Torii Hunter is a shell of his former defensive self. Austin Jackson and Alex Avila do a fine job, but they aren't plusses. They addressed their defense, but bad luck and older players may undermine everything. Rotation There is no way to spin the Tigers' rotation in a negative direction, right? They have the reigning AL Cy Young Award winner (Max Scherzer), another worthy candidate from 2013 (Anibal Sanchez) and one of the best starters from the past decade (Justin Verlander). However, they did trade away a fourth good starter (Doug Fister) to free up money to spend on a closer (more on that later). Drew Smyly will slide into the rotation in 2013. He's just 25 and has great promise as a left-handed starter. However, he wasn't great in that role in 2012 and he was great as a reliever in 2013. He'll also have to build arm strength as he only threw 76 innings in 2013. Rick Porcello rounds out the rotation and he's a statistical darling who hasn't put it all together just yet. He's an elite ground ball pitcher with a good strikeout rate and a better walk rate. That said, his career ERA is 4.51. He should be better than that, but he hasn't been. Can he be relied upon to finally break out in 2014? Fister had a 115 ERA+ in 2013. I doubt that Porcello or Smyly achieve that number, which means the rotation could be worse than last year. This does not even address the fact that both Scherzer and Sanchez pitched better than they ever had before in 2013. Will they be able to match their career-best seasons in 2014? Oh, and Justin Verlander's strikeout rate has dropped in each of the past three seasons, while his walk rate has increased. Bullpen The Tigers replaced Joaquin Benoit with Joe Nathan. Nathan is four years older, $5 million more expensive and equally productive. Nathan does have a lot more career saves though. Nothing against Nathan, but the perception was that the Tigers traded Fister to free up money to sign Nathan. If that's true, it's a downgrade when you consider everything involved. Bruce Rondon is sitting there, ready to take over as closer. If given the opportunity, he could be at least 80% of Nathan at 5% of the cost. Rondon and Fister or Nathan and Smyly? Which pair would you rather have? Now consider that the bullpen was weakened with Smyly's move to the rotation. And, that move might not even work. I would try it too, as a 4th starter is more valuable to me than a set-up man, but it's not without risk. The rest of the bullpen is shaky. Phil Coke is a character. Al Alburquerque can be dominant, but he can walk the universe too. The Tigers did sign Joba Chamberlain and he's never been mysterious or inconsistent. Nathan and Rondon are good, so the bullpen can be solid. The cost of building that solid bullpen might have been too high though. World Series aspirations? They have them, but I don't see it. I think Boston is better. I think Tampa Bay is better. I think Oakland is better. I think Kansas City might be better. That said, if everything clicks, they could easily compete for the World Series in 2014. Their top three starters are as good as any top three in the Majors and Miguel Cabrera is still in his prime. Can the Twins finish ahead of them? It would be very unlikely and require a massive collapse from the Tigers' older players. The Twins can't match up with the Tigers, especially in the rotation, where the Tigers have a massive and almost unfair advantage (from the perspective of a whiny Twins fan). Even if things fall apart for the Tigers in 2014, it would be more relative to their expectations and I doubt they would collapse to the point of a losing season. Projected AL Central finish - 1st My head still puts the Tigers at the top of the division. I hold no ill-will toward the Tigers. I watched them lose 119 games in 2003 and their fans deserve some success after such a pathetic stretch of seasons. There's just something about this team that I don't like. In past years, it has been their defense. While they have addressed their defense, they've mostly gone from bad to not bad and I'm not sure that's enough. Their offense is slightly worse and their rotation isn't the lock that it appears to be. Their bullpen is just fine and they don't have a lot in the system to fill needs as they arise. The Royals are a legitimate threat to the Tigers in 2014 and Father Time is a legitimate threat to the Tigers in 2015 and going forward.

Exactly, and I'd guess two or maybe three of those guys will be in Rochester on March 31, meaning the whole "stepping up" conversation is a load. Also, ripping Hicks is just insane to me. He was hitting .269/.269/.462 when the comments were made. He went out and "won the job" last year and what good was that. For all the ripping of mediocre and washed up players (Hicks being the only guy he ripped who has any shred of true, current MLB talent), where's the vitriol toward Josh Willingham and his .080 batting average or Trevor Plouffe's 9 strikeouts in 31 at-bats? Is it ok for those guys to suck because they've already been handed jobs? Deibinson Romero has outplayed Plouffe this Spring, has he stepped up and won the third base job? I also thought it was convenient that he didn't say anything good about Gibson ("he's going today" - hey that's true!) and he found a way to rip Escobar. That makes it a lot easier to send Gibson to AAA and to keep Pedro Florimon and his inevitable sub-.200 Spring Training batting average in the lineup. If only Gibson and Escobar had just stepped up and won the jobs by outplaying their competition! I almost never get this fired up about sports, but his comments feel very disingenuous to me.

I can do it:

I'm obviously a pro-Escobar guy. I'll admit that Florimon appears to be a better defender. Escobar did have the reputation as an elite defender as a prospect though. Kevin Goldstein, formerly of Baseball Prospectus and now working for the Astros, stated in the White Sox top eleven back in 2011 that Escobar "is an excellent defensive player with great instincts, soft hands, and a plus-plus arm." Reports aren't production, so I get that Escobar will need to prove it on the field. Personally, the allure of slightly better offense is enough for me. Last year, Florimon started 134 games at short. Escobar started 38. I'd like to see that ratio move closer to 50-50 in 2014.

Over the past two months, I've been writing about who I feel are the 14 most important players for the Twins in 2014. I finished up today with number one. I had meant to post a few of these at Twins Daily, but I'm so lazy. Here's my list, each player name is a link to the longer post. 14. Peduardo Florscobar 13. Josh Willingham 12. Brian Dozier 11. Kohl Stewart 10. Phil Hughes 9. Aaron Hicks 8. Josmil Pinto 7. Alex Meyer 6. Kyle Gibson 5. Miguel Sano 4. Ricky Nolasco 3. Oswaldo Arcia 2. Joe Mauer 1. Byron Buxton The list might look a little odd and prospect-heavy, but that's kind of where we are with the Twins right now. Many important players won't play a game for the Twins in 2014. Obviously, I wrote about Miguel Sano prior to his injury (it was actually posted on the day he felt the fateful "twinge"). I also didn't include Glen Perkins because I'm not sure how important a closer is to a team that will win 75 games if everything breaks right. That's a personal preference. Perkins would be 14 on this list now, with Sano falling out completely. If the Twins projected to be "good" next year, I might have gone with this top 14: 1. Mauer 2. Nolasco 3. Arcia 4. Willingham 5. Perkins 6. Hughes 7. Dozier 8. Trevor Plouffe 9. Mike Pelfrey 10. Sam Deduno 11. Kevin Correia 12. Kurt Suzuki 13. Gibson 14. Hicks Of course, if that list represented the best 14 players for a team that we thought could contend, we'd all be getting tested for delusional thoughts. If you're interested, check out some of the posts above. If nothing else, share your personal top 14 list. Who did I miss? Should prospects be considered at all? Is Joe Mauer a robot? Should Deduno be number 1?

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! My wife is a colorful character. Seriously, here is a picture of her: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-noPQ18WsoV4/UxkqHGlBFwI/AAAAAAAABSQ/oyQLjr2n_l4/s1600/dora_the_explorer_31709-200x316.jpg No, wait, that's Dora the Explorer. My wife does have a lot of pizazz and a curious nature though. Why not put her inquisitive nature to good use? I thought, "hey, I can get a blog post out of this." If nothing else, this will be give you wonderful insight into her thoughts/our marriage/my transcription skills. These are real questions, I assure you. By the way, I asked for questions related to the new season and I have no clue what she will ask as of the time I am typing this sentence. Q: Who is going to have a baby during the season? Like a player or just anyone in the World? If anyone in the World, I'll say lots of people. If you're referring to a current Twins player, let me do a crude Google search really quick. Nothing. Well shoot. It won't be Joe Mauer as his wife just had twins and I'm sure they are cool for now. Wait, I have another Google idea. IS JOE MAUER THE ONLY PLAYER ON THE TWINS? Google is failing me. I'll just throw a dart and say Kyle Gibson. He's like 26, so sure. Note - Gibson's wife literally just had a baby earlier this week. This proves two things - 1. I don't Google well. 2. I don't pay attention to anything. Q: Ok, this one requires a link. The link. My question is are you kidding me, the food in the stadium isn't that great... So, I guess the question is are you kidding me? And my answer is no, I'm not kidding you. However, I completely agree with you. The notion that Target Field has this amazing cuisine is a very overrated notion. Most of the food at Target Field is pretty mediocre. I much prefer a Dome Dog to whatever hog parts are in the hot dogs at Target Field. Some of the specialty food is good, but it's not good enough to justify a food truck. Plus, how are Minnie and Paul going to make delicious food with just a spatula and some mustard. I don't buy it. Q: Who's on 'roids? You are obsessed with steroids. You think that everyone is on "'roids." If I put on any weight at all, I'd guess you'd think I was on steroids too. I don't think any Twins player is on steroids because the testing has gotten a lot better. If someone on the Twins is doing steroids, they're doing them wrong. Q: Will the Twins be any good (like any) this year? Wait, why is the "like any" part necessary. You're going to tune me out before I finish answering this, but we'll see how far we can get. Yes, I do think the Twins will be "any" good this year. I think their rotation is better and they have guys who will throw enough innings to keep the AAA guys out of the rotation. I think that moving Mauer to first is better for his health and should help him hit well in more games. You're bored. I can tell. You're texting. A lot of the young guys will get better and as they get better the team will get better. Some guys won't get better, but those guys are replaceable because the Twins have a lot of young talent ready to take spots from guys who aren't cutting it. Ok, I lost you. I suppose he does look a little like my brother. I have no idea, maybe sixty? Follow-up statement - I don't want to wait for talent to develop. I'm all about the here and now. Q: Will the interviews with "street people" in Dick and Bert's box still be as awkward? This might need a slight amount of explanation, but we joke about this a lot at home. You know when Dick and Bert have some family or fans in the booth with them and they just sit there awkwardly while Dick and Bert ask them questions? Well, those fans are never mic'd, so you can't really hear their answers. You basically get a one-way conversation that wouldn't be interesting if you actually could hear both ends. Role play! Dick: So, I see you brought a sign to cheer for Kevin Correia. Fan: (Unintelligible, not on mic) Dick: Well, he's not that big. Bert: F*** End scene. So yes, those interviews will continue to be awkward and it's not the fans' fault. Q: Mauer at first, your thoughts? I addressed this earlier, but you weren't listening. I still like it a half hour later. I think that Mauer is too valuable to the lineup to be on the bench for 30-35 games. With his concussion problems, removing some of the risk of another concussion just makes sense to me. He could still get a concussion at first, but it's less likely. I don't expect a power surge or anything like that, but I do think that Mauer will be as steady, consistent and productive as he has always been. Now, he'll just play more games. Q: Why does the website (note - not sure which website this refers to) list players' DOB instead of age? Um, I don't know. Maybe they trust your math skills? Q: Who will be my new BF now that JM is gone? I'll translate - BF is boyfriend and JM is Justin Morneau. You loved Morneau even though he had that weird forehead. (she nods) Well, we certainly have different taste in men. The only way to do this properly is for me to show you the pictures of the guys I think you might find attractive. Here are a few: Chris Herrmann? - I feel like you tried to talk me into him before and it's not working. Brian Dozier? - No. (no additional information provided) Alex Presley? - Too much facial hair. It's a shame, I had heard that some found Presley attractive. Plus, he was traded for JM, so it would have made for great symmetry. Oh well, I guess we'll all just have to stay tuned to this blog to find out who she chooses. It's like the Bachelor, except I've never seen that show. Q: Another link, this one with a video. The link. Why does "the U" trump the Twins? So you're upset that the Twins are using a University of Minnesota moving truck? It's just weird that the pro team is using a college truck. You don't think that's weird at all? Do you think the Twins should have their own trucks? Well, it just seems weird. Like, they can't afford it? If we moved, we might borrow a truck even though we could afford to buy one. Let's move on. Final Q: Walk-up songs. What will they be? Which will you like? What would your song be? That's an excellent question to end with. In my experience, professional athletes have terrible taste in music. They love a lot of radio rock and hip hop and I don't listen to any of that. I did like Trevor Plouffe's "When the Levee Breaks" last year, but I heard he is changing that. He's a Pearl Jam fan, so maybe he'll pick one of their songs and I would respect that. That means I would like about 1 of 15 walk-up songs. Ooh, I also liked Ryan Doumit's Danzig song, so maybe 2 of 15. As for what I would use, that really depends which avenue I want to go down. I could pick a song I really like or a song that pumps me up, or both. If that's the case, I'm walking up to "Quick and to the Pointless" by Queens of the Stone Age. I'd really drag out my pre-at bat routine to hear the whole song. The other route would be to walk up to something silly. A bunch of players walked up to "Call Me Maybe" and songs like those, but that's kind of tired. If you're going the silly route, you have to be original. So, I would walk up to me singing "Love is in the Air." If you get that last reference, you can be my friend. And that's the end of this experiment. We had a lot of fun with this, but some of the best moments didn't translate to the page very well. For that reason, we're going to start a podcast, even if we only record it just once. Keep an eye out for that. For now, have a great weekend!

Ha! I heard that too. Then, I'm 99% certain that he called him "Byron" later, only to correct himself and call him "Brian" again. Classic Dazzle. Oddly enough, I once photoshopped Gladden's hair onto Buxton. It turned out great:

I just want to say that I am very proud that the comments from an article titled "Ligaments are stupid" have real educational value. Thanks to Heezy for the sweet medical knowledge!

I agree with Seth Stows, if you aren't sure, just consult Google.

That Bill Smith guy sounds pretty smart to me. The Twins should promote him.