Lou Hennessy

Image courtesy of Purple Wolf Graphics MINNEAPOLIS - After a weeks-long hunt to find their next skipper, the Twins have officially narrowed their search to four finalists. Now, it is believed that the job will be offered to whoever nails the fabled swimsuit competition. “All four have shown that they could be great leaders for the clubhouse in 2026 and beyond,” said Twins President Derek Falvey as he dusted off his bedazzled score placards while preparing for the competition. “But this is their chance to really let their star shine with some extra pizazz.” The finalists are reportedly former Twins bench coach Derek Shelton, former Twins hitting coach James Rowson, Chicago Cubs bench coach Ryan Flaherty and veteran manager Scott Servais. Each would bring quality insight to the position, but they’ll have a big speedo to fill when it comes to the swimsuit competition. “This is really where Rocco wowed us in October of 2017,” said an unnamed judge (who may or may not be Target Field’s organist) in reference to outgoing Twins manager Rocco Baldelli. “I mean, come on. The guy was a former standout volleyball player. He barely took two steps across the stage before I reached for my ‘10’ spot. Thad (Levine) wanted to give him a ‘9’ but I jabbed him with my pen under the table.” It’s unclear which of the four finalists may have a leg up as they head into the contest. Rowson brings a hulking, powerful presence, which goes for his approach to the team’s offensive identity as well as his own physique. Flaherty, at 39 years old, has the youth factor on his side. Servais has the most experience, both as an MLB manager and as a greased-up veteran on the swimsuit competition circuit. But Shelton may have the ever-important “daddy vote” thanks to his rugged salt-and-pepper beard and fatherlike tendencies. Time will tell who will become the next head of the Twins clubhouse. But one thing is already certain - they are following a long list of legendary managers that were able to land their jobs thanks to this admittedly outdated practice. “You should have seen Tom Kelly’s swimsuit portion of his interview,” said Twins curator Clyde Doepner as he admired the legendary manager’s Zubaz-branded speedo hanging in a shadow box in Target Field’s Champions Club. “That guy knew two things better than anyone in Twins history: when to leave your pitcher in the game, and how to perfectly oil his body like a Thanksgiving turkey.” View full article

Have heard the same.

Image courtesy of Purple Wolf Graphics Aaron Gleeman is trading in his podcast microphone for one behind the stand at the Minneapolis Courthouse. On Wednesday, the Senior Writer for The Athletic, who also hosts the Gleeman and the Geek podcast, decided to take Twins Daily to court for intellectual property theft. He argues the site has gotten away with stealing his talking points for their own benefit for years now, and enough is enough. “Don’t tell me it’s some coincidence that we’ll put out an episode and 24 hours later three guys named Cody will put out three different articles, all surrounding my main talking points from the day before,” Gleeman said to a gaggle of media members waiting outside the courthouse on Tuesday morning. “If these guys are going to be making money off of my thoughts, then they should pay me. Well, they should pay me more than they already do (join now at patreon.com/gleeman - that’s P-A-T-R-E-O-N slash Gleeman. Okay, back to the proceedings).” Gleeman’s attorney representative from the law office of Robinson, Dangerfield and Dice Clay says that Twins Daily has operated under shady business dealings for nearly 15 years, and the public deserves to have their team covered by polished, dignified professionals who have class. When asked to name which members of the current beat contingent fit this description, the attorney pleaded the fifth and pretended to get a phone call. It’s a particularly interesting development given the fact that Gleeman’s podcast partner, John Bonnes, happens to be one of the owners of Twins Daily. “I’m going to be honest, when Aaron starts complaining about something I almost always tune out for a few minutes,” said Bonnes while filling his dog’s water bowl with a local IPA. “He very well could have brought this to my attention years ago. There’s really no way of knowing.” Twins Daily is known as one of the premier independent sources of Twins coverage, and often finds themselves central in online conversations surrounding the club. Gleeman argues their coverage has become somewhat predictable, among other complaints. “Want to know what Twins Daily is going to write about tomorrow? Listen to Gleeman and the Geek today,” said the disgruntled media personality before waddling into the courthouse. “And don’t get me started on their half-baked parody articles. In order to write effective satire, you need to be able to throw s*** at the wall, and you need to be able to make people laugh. Aside from Randballs Stu, everyone at Twins Daily has shown they’re capable of doing exactly one of those things.” There’s been a notable increase in the parody articles that Gleeman is referring to, which is bound to happen at this point of the year when there’s little else to cover surrounding the team. Stu, for his part, has been the premier satire writer for the site for years, and is starting to feel the weight of the hardly chuckle-worthy content that he has inspired. “Part of me feels like Oppenheimer after he witnessed his actions leading to the first atomic bomb,” Stu said while combing through the latest drivel in Twins Daily’s Just For Fun tab. “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of comedy.” You can find more of Gleeman’s thoughts on the Gleeman and the Geek podcast multiple times per week, and make sure to visit Twins Daily for all the post-podcast rehashing you can handle. View full article

Image courtesy of Purple Wolf Images It’s been a hell of a week for Rocco Baldelli. On Monday, the now-former skipper of the Minnesota Twins was dismissed from his position. On Tuesday, he decided it was time for some R&R. And on Wednesday morning, he bumped into someone he wasn’t expecting to see so soon after the end of the season. Just as he sat in his crammed, aisle seat, Rocco looked up and saw who else but Carlos Correa, stuffing his oversized Dior rolling suitcase into the overhead compartment. Needless to say, it was an awkward moment for the two. “I wouldn’t say there was any bad blood between us going into that flight. Carlos made the choice at the deadline that he thought was best for himself and his family,” Baldelli said while sifting through the carousel of streaming options on his in-flight entertainment device, eventually landing on Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2. “But I didn’t realize he’s the kind of guy that spreads his own baggage across three different stow-aways. Didn’t love that.” Baldelli was in a modest coach-level seat, ironically similar to the position he may need to accept when he’s ready to continue his career. Correa, on the other hand, was in a first class seat, just a few rows ahead. It’s nothing short of poetic that these two would have such different winding roads, both through the course of their careers after both being selected first overall in their respective drafts, and through the course of the 2025 season, only to end up on the same departing flight. It’s like the ending of Furious 7, when Vin Diesel and Paul Walker shared that touching nod before splitting apart at a fork in the road. Only this time, it’s like they shared that tender moment, and then wound up next to each other at the same toll booth a mile down the road. “I really hope Carlos and his family have a great trip,” said Rocco as he downed his third ginger ale before the flight even took off. “I wish I could’ve snagged one of those first class seats, but it looks like the Minnesota Lynx are on this flight too.” View full article

Image courtesy of © Matt Blewett-Imagn Images Year after year, the last couple of home series are marked by the Twins as “Fan Appreciation” games. This September, though, it’s hard for fans to feel valued, given the state of the franchise. The main contributor to the bottomed-out fan morale is obviously the on-field product, but it goes far beyond that. The damage has been done for a large contingent of fans, who want to be excited about the current iteration of the team. Worse, I’m worried that the effects of their decision to strip down their investment in the ballpark experience will cause irreversible harm to the next generation of Twins fans. So what’s the answer? The easy response (that will surely flood the comment section of this article) is that ownership should invest in better players this offseason, or find a time machine DeLorean, gun it to 88, and go back in time to 2023, where they can reverse their decision to cut payroll when the club was at its high point. Then maybe the image of tomorrow’s Twins fans won’t fade away, like the photo of the siblings in Back to the Future. Sadly, both options appear about as likely to occur at this point. So, putting away the very valid notion that investment needs to be made on the field for a minute, I have an idea for how the Twins can build attention and excitement in their product—but it might sting for a little bit. The Twins need to allow kids into their games for free with a paying adult, at least for the next few years. That would surely affect the bottom line, when it comes to ticket sales, but it would start to repair the deep wounds that have been made to the goodwill between the club and the fanbase. They need to make going to a Twins game accessible to everyone. That isn’t the case right now. Nor will it become so simply by way of the Pohlads emptying their closets filled with cheap hats and BOGO coupons for Caribou Coffee. I became a fan of the Twins in the mid- to late 1990s—hardly a high point, when it came to the on-field product. But I was lucky enough to have parents who could afford to take me to a few games a year, stick an affordable Hormel hot dog in my yap and teach me about our beloved pastime and all that the beauty that the ballpark can hold, even with an ugly stadium and a team with an ugly record. Those memories fostered a love for Twins baseball in me, far more than a leftover giveaway jersey ever could. Not everyone could afford to do that for their kids, and they certainly can’t in today’s climate. I just checked the get-in price for next Friday’s game against the Cleveland Guardians, and the cheapest option runs $18 per seat. That doesn’t include parking, or the exorbitant prices of concessions. Taking into account these figures for, let's say, a family of four, the overall tab of the experience quickly prices out many families. Imagine being able to offer that same experience to a family for nearly half the price. That gets more butts in the seats, more eyes on the product, more money in through concessions and merchandise sales, and most importantly, more treasured memories of Twins baseball in the hearts of the next generation of fans. And guess what? Those kids who would get in for free would grow up to be adult fans, eager to spend their money on their beloved ballclub, all because the team had the guts to get them invested early on—even if it meant temporarily losing out on the bottom line. Current promotions like 612 Saturdays (where they offer $6 beer, $2 food and $1 snacks before first pitch) are a good start, but maybe the Twins need to show their fans that they value them in that fashion for more than two hours a week. So here’s my plea to the franchise that won me over even when the on-field team wasn’t winning. Stop making it harder for kids to fall in love with your product, and they’ll reward you in the long run. Keep your leftover giveaway items, and make a covenant with the next generation of Twins fans that promises you’ll invest in them now, and they’ll invest in you for years to come. Years from now, there isn’t going to be some DeLorean that you can hop in and travel back in time to win back a generation of Twins fans that you’re currently daring to tune out of your product. What do you think? Would this idea help build goodwill between the club and the fans? What other ideas do you have that could help re-engage the young fanbase? Let’s hear your thoughts in the comments below, and as always, stay sweet. View full article

Walker JenkinsLuke KeaschallKaelen CulpepperEmmanuel RodriguezEduardo TaitMick AbelDasan HillConnor PrielippKendry RojasBrandon WinokurGabriel GonzalezMarek HoustonCharlee SotoCJ CulpepperQuentin YoungMarco RayaRiley QuickAndrew MorrisKyle DeBargeKhadim Diaw

Walker JenkinsLuke KeaschallKaelen CulpepperEmmanuel RodriguezEduardo TaitMick AbelDasan HillConnor PrielippKendry RojasBrandon WinokurGabriel GonzalezMarek HoustonCharlee SotoCJ CulpepperQuentin YoungMarco RayaRiley QuickAndrew MorrisKyle DeBargeKhadim Diaw

Image courtesy of Purple Wolf Graphics MINNEAPOLIS - As the club welcomed the Athletics to Target Field on Tuesday night, an ongoing battle between two factions of Twins fans continued to ring out in the streets of downtown. On one side, a group of Twins fans that are fed up with the state of the team, especially in light of the owners recent decision to pull the organization off of the market. Opposing them, fans who have grown tired of the constant bellyaching and childish tantrums being thrown.. “What, I’m just supposed to be happy with how things have shaken out and pretend like nothing happened?” questioned Bryan Douglas of Burnsville. “That’s it! I’m done spending my hard-earned money that I got from my Hardee’s settlement on a team owned by such cheepskates.” Douglas’ frustration is understandable given the Twins’ disappointing season that has come on the heels of an epic collapse in 2024, and dwindling payroll support from ownership. And while most can acknowledge that fact, there is still a large portion of the fanbase that has simply grown tired of constant complaints. “Look, I get it. I would also like to see my favorite team get more support from ownership,” said Carl Miller of Robbinsdale before rolling a smoke bomb down the stairs by Target Field Station. “And guess what, I understand why a baby cries on an airplane. It doesn’t mean I can’t find it annoying as hell.” The battle between the two sides came to blows a few weeks ago when a group of radical Twins’ apologists captured one of the protesters calling for a coup of the team, and hung him from the flag pole in right field by his underwear. It took three days to get the imprisoned man down, as all of the Pohlad detractors had already vowed to not enter the stadium until the team was sold, leaving him isolated behind enemy lines. “If I could talk to Joe Pohlad right now, I’d tell him the exact same thing I told Hardee’s,” Douglas said while painting a fake mustache on the statue of Eloise Pohlad. “If you don’t want to hear me whine about your overpriced, luke-warm food, you shouldn’t have put a liquor store right next to the building.” It’s unclear how that applies to the current conflict, especially given the fact that there isn’t a registered liquor store within a half mile of Target Field. Nevertheless, Douglas’ passion for fighting for his beliefs would be commendable if he weren’t so downright unpleasant on a constant basis. “Oh no, poor little baby is sad because the team he watches once in a blue moon doesn’t sign enough free agents,” Miller said mockingly in a baby voice while paying $27 for one (1) hot dog and one (1) small Pepsi. “Just be an adult and accept mediocrity for your entire life like the rest of us.” It’s unclear what will end this brutal battle between these two factions of Twins fans, but the club is planning to take advantage of the conflict with a new ticket promotion. Fans from either side can purchase a package for $84 that includes a ticket to the game (standing room only, of course), a hat that displays their chosen side (but the anti-ownership hats will mysteriously go missing on the day of the game) and a BOGO Biscuit and Gravy bucket at the nearest Hardee’s. View full article

Sweet Lou is joined by his fellow Zone Coverage writer and friend of the show, Theo Tollefson, to talk about what we've learned about the Twins over the last few weeks, what we still hope to learn in the coming months, and which national broadcaster took their sweet time in a pregame media session. Ol' Gregg was MIA, as was Comrade Cody No-Schoenmann. Listen using Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-twins-off-daily-podcast/id1741266056 Listen using Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4tb78XlurcPTYYSsARdbD7 Listen using iHeartRadio: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/263-the-twins-off-daily-podcas-167548600/ Listen using Pocket Casts: https://pca.st/nvclbt0w Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@twinsdaily View full article

Image courtesy of Purple Wolf Graphics “It's what he would've wanted,” said little Suzie Romero, a six-year-old from St. Paul who made the trek to Target Field after news broke of her favorite player being traded away from the Twins. “Wherever you are, Jhoan, I hope you can see this.” She then illuminated the flashlight on her iPhone 16 and placed it in a little plastic Dixie cup holder. Her mom picked her up, and the two held their lights toward the smoky night sky. Those lights joined a few hundred more as a tribute to former Twins closer Jhoan Duran, who was traded to the Philadelphia Phillies on Wednesday afternoon for two prospects. The Twins haven't announced if they've included his riveting entrance music and accompanying light show in the deal. Rumor has it they were hoping to recoup some monetary value for that as a throw-in. “She’s never going to be able to listen to Guaracha music without thinking of him again,” said Maria, Suzie's mother, with a single tear running down her cheek. “She must feel Incomprendido, indeed.” The Twins opened the doors for this vigil out of the goodness of their hearts during their fanbase’s time of emotional need, and some clever marketing allowed them to reap that ever-important extra concession and merchandise sales. They offered beer at a rate of $5.90 per ounce (a reference to Duran’s jersey number with the Twins), and they even had a BOGO relief pitcher deal (buy one get one free pitchers of best-selling taps, also a reference to the fact that multiple other bullpen pieces will be gone via trade within the next 24 hours). The tribute concluded with a 21-gun T-shirt cannon salute and TC Bear’s massive red Twins flag being flown at half-staff. View full article

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Sweet Lou and Comrade Cody are joined by friend of the show Brock Beauchamp, and they let out some steam after yet another heartbreaking loss. They outline some potential blockbuster deals that could happen by next week's trade deadline, and they play a round of 20 questions. Oh, and they try to estimate Ol' Gregg's trade value on the open market. Listen using Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-twins-off-daily-podcast/id1741266056 Listen using Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4tb78XlurcPTYYSsARdbD7 Listen using iHeartRadio: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/263-the-twins-off-daily-podcas-167548600/ Listen using Pocket Casts: https://pca.st/nvclbt0w Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@twinsdaily View full article

Walker JenkinsLuke KeaschallEmmanuel RodriguezKaelen CulpepperBrandon WinokurConnor PrielippCharlee SotoDasan HillGabriel GonzalezMarek HoustonQuentin YoungMarco RayaAndrew MorrisRiley QuickKyle DeBargeCJ CulpepperBilly AmickEduardo BeltreKhadim DiawRicardo Olivar

Walker JenkinsLuke KeaschallEmmanuel RodriguezKaelen CulpepperBrandon WinokurConnor PrielippCharlee SotoDasan HillGabriel GonzalezMarek HoustonQuentin YoungMarco RayaAndrew MorrisRiley QuickKyle DeBargeCJ CulpepperBilly AmickEduardo BeltreKhadim DiawRicardo Olivar

Image courtesy of Purple Wolf Graphics Below is a rundown of six different trade offers that the Twins have received for their rotation superstar, Joe Ryan. It was leaked when Sweet Lou Hennessy was accidentally included in a Signal group chat with top decision makers within the Twins’ baseball operations department. The Twins have declined to comment on the record, but they assured the public that Hennessy would not be welcomed back to the Target Field press box unless he starts bringing treats again. Jon Morosi of MLB.com insists the Twins would need to be blown away with an offer if they were to part with Ryan. And while the offers that were leaked certainly blow, the Twins appear wise in their decision to hold off on trading their best starting pitcher (for the time being, at least). Here are the potential deals that they left on the table: New York Yankees - The Bronx bombers were one of the first teams to call on Ryan, and their offer reportedly centered on Clint Frazier and Miguel Andujar. It’s a bizarre proposition, as neither of these two sluggers are still in their organization. and one is out of professional ball altogether. Rationale for Rejection: The Twins were enticed, but ultimately felt like making this trade would send their organization back to 2017, when this trade package was first floated by New York rubes on Twitter. Plus, the mere thought of Ryan donning Yankee pinstripes is enough to make Twins Territory’s randiest fans collapse into themselves like a dying star. Oh, and acquiring Frazier would go against the Twins’ strict “no redheads” rule that was implemented after the S*m Dys*n fiasco. Boston Red Sox - The Sox’ interest in Ryan has been well-documented since a handful of their scouts descended upon Target Field over the last few weeks. Their presence hasn’t exactly been a secret, as they’ve left a trail of Dunkin’ Donuts cups and wrappers in their wake. Their offer centered on a couple B-level prospects and a promise to stop making fun of the Twins for cutting David Ortiz more than two decades ago. Rationale: The Twins declined this offer, mostly to get the loud, obnoxious "chowda heads" to finally leave them alone. Like, seriously, we all love Bill Burr. Stop trying to be Bill Burr. Cincinnati Reds - Their initial offer for Ryan has to go down as one of the biggest trades in professional sports history. Knowing that the Reds and Twins have linked up on multiple occasions and have an affinity for similar player types, the Redlegs offered an unprecedented full-team swap for the two clubs. Yes, Ryan would be the centerpiece of a deal that includes 51 other players. Rationale: The Twins balked at this offer, not only because the Reds only find themselves a couple games ahead of the Twins anyway, but because it would be a logistical nightmare trying to make travel arrangements for so many players. Mike Herman, the Twins’ Director of Team Travel, threatened to push TC Bear off of the Truly On Deck balcony if this offer had been accepted. Tampa Bay Rays - Ryan’s former club made a late offer that included Nelson Cruz along with former Twin Zack Littell. However, the Twins turned that down. Rationale: “No backsies!” - Derek Falvey Chicago White Sox - The pale hose made the first trade offer of its kind just before the break, offering new owner Justin Ishbia in exchange for Joe Ryan. Loyal KFAN zombies were licking their chops at the thought of new ownership, as the Pohlad family has seemingly plagued their every waking moment for the last 30-plus years, but the Twins ultimately declined. Rationale: The Twins did a lot of introspection and self-analysis when their fling with Ishbia ended in heartbreak back in March. They were ready to jump head-first into a real relationship, but instead they were forced to watch as their biggest suitor rekindled things with his ex down in Chicago. Declining to revisit that part of their past wasn’t the decision that the Twins wanted, but it was the one they needed, and now they can move on after accepting that closure. Chicago Cubs - The Cubbies offered the Twins Minnesota-natives Michael Busch and Caleb Thielbar, along with their top pitching prospect coming into the year, Cade Horton, who currently sports a 4.45 ERA across ten big league starts. It’s by far the most realistic offer on this list, but the Twins still turned them down. Rationale: It’s a very strong offer, certainly, but the Twins didn’t like the idea of making the Cubs any better. Pretty much everything in the world has sucked since the last time they won the World Series in the fall of 2016, and the world would be a better place if the Cubs were cursed again. View full article