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The Yankees Select . . . A View of Playoff Yet to Come


Axel Kohagen

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Twins Video

2027 AD.

 

The Playoffs.

 

Yankee Stadium.

 

The stands are filled with screeching Yankees fans. Some wear spiked shoulder pads. Some look like the Baseball Furies. Zombies sit in the cheap seats.

 

Billy Crystal stands on the pitcher's mound, dressed exactly like Tupac in the "California Love" video. He incites the crowd to heightened frenzies. The zombies are having fun.

 

"Who will the New York Yankees select to play in the playoffs?" Mad Billy shouts.

 

In the other dugout, the Minnesota Twins are all cowering under blankets. The manager wears Groucho glasses.

The crowd hushes. Who will they pick?

 

"Should we pick the Indians?" Billy asks.

 

"Noooo!" screams the crowd.

 

"How about the Astros?"

 

"Nooooo!" screams the crowd.

 

"Who can we choose?" says Mad Billy Crystal. "Which team will guarantee a Yankees VICTORY?"

 

"Just spit it out!" shouts one of the Minnesota Twins.

 

Billy Crystal moonwalks around the bases.

 

"Who do we choo-choo-choose?" he says.

 

"Twins! Twins! Twins!" screams the crowd.

 

The Jumbotron replays all of the times the Yankees beat the Twins in the playoffs.

 

"Stop picking us!" scream the Twins fans as they huddle together. "Just stop it! Let us be!"

 

"Twins! Twins! Twins!" the Yankee fans chant.

 

The camera pulls back and we see we have been watching a cell phone screen in a Minnesota cabin.

The wind howls.

 

"Will it ever not be the Yankees, Papa?" a child asks.

 

The father simply shoves the child's face into a tater tot hot dish.

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