The Harsh Pinstripes of Destiny
Entry posted by Axel Kohagen ·
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Twins Video
When you're grown up, there's no reason to hide from the truth. You're not as funny as you think you are. Everyone dies. The universe is cold and hostile. More true than all of these, though, is the following Truth: the Minnesota Twins will lose to the New York Yankees in the first round of the playoffs.
This series of columns begins with the ending, which is the Minnesota Twins losing to the New York Yankees in the first round of the playoffs. Other bloggers, vloggers, pundits, podcasters, columnists, poets, and novelists pretend to be fair-minded. They will write about the present, which is unknown to us. All we know of the present is that inevitably leads to our team, the Minnesota Twins, losing to the New York Yankees in the first round of the playoffs.
This column will not be adverse to statistics. Statistics are an excellent way of deconstructing a Twins loss to the Yankees in the first round of the playoffs. Without them, we'd be stuck relying on our gut instincts to explain how swiftly and soundly the New York Yankees beat the Minnesota Twins in the playoffs.
Some of you prefer to wallow in cynicism.
Some of you are incapable of enjoying the lazy summer arc of a baseball season, which always ends with a playoff loss to you-know-who once sweatshirt weather comes around. "Why focus on the negative?" you protest as you set your expectations to "unrealistic."
A true Twins fan is prepared with a hale and hearty "Better luck next time!" when the asscheeks of the last Yankee on the bench fly from the pine to celebrate in the field. A true Twins fan knows a three game sweep just cleans up the dust from a 182 game season so the hometown nine can rest until next year.
I think we'd all like to see the Twins win 117 games in 2020. They will set an MLB record for victories. They will hit 308 home runs. They will strike out 1600 batters. They will prove, without a doubt that they are the best team in baseball and they will be ready, willing, and able to make the Yankees looks even better when they lose to them in their first round of the playoffs.
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