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Dave The Dastardly

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Everything posted by Dave The Dastardly

  1. Dave The Dastardly
    Sounds like Samantha Thiede's got her feet on the ground while her boyfriend has his head up his... well, you know where. This is Minnesota for gods' sakes! Land of 10,000 Professional Team Sports Disappointments (PTSD)!
  2. Dave The Dastardly
    I'm not a stats guy so here's a question I'd like some help with: How many games did Sano not win by striking out with RISP when the Twins were behind versus how many games did he "win" by smacking a moonshot to put the Twins in the lead and/or tie the game and the Twins eventually triumphed? Is there a stat for that?
  3. Dave The Dastardly
    Circle Me Bert... so Scotty can fix my location and beam me up. I seem to have purposely lost my communicator.
  4. Dave The Dastardly
    Momma always said that checking the Twins score in late innings is like opening a box of chocolates... and finding they all melted.
  5. Dave The Dastardly
    The Angels DFA future Hall of Famer Pujols . We start Sano and Cave. Pujols .198/.250/.372 5 HR 12 RBI Sano .113/.299/.226 2 HR 4 RBI Cave .160/.241/.253 1 HR 11 RBI For Comparison: Tortuga .313/.308/.484 3 HR 11 RBI Gee! Should we sign Pujols? Just keep trotting Sano and Cave out there? Trade Tortuga for Pujols? Are the Angels that much better they don't need someone putting up numbers like Pujols? But the Twins need two guys worse than Pujol this season? Plenty of blame for FO and Rocco to share if you ask me.
  6. Dave The Dastardly
    "Senior Manager of Fan Experience Bob Moulette" ? What? How did I survive all those years as a Twins fan last century without having someone manage my experience?
  7. Dave The Dastardly
    The Little Sisters of the Poor would have more wins if Sister Goretti was on the mound.
  8. Dave The Dastardly
    Call it schadenfreude but I'm actually staying tuned in to see how many ways this team can implode. Sort of Lovable Mets fixation. Rocco pulls a starting pitcher by accident; I chuckle. Rocco pulls a starting pitcher that's doing okay because he's approaching a mythical barrier and replaces him from a depleted bullpen that promptly blows the lead; I laugh. We drop six games in the 10th inning and I'm holding my sides from laughter. We load the bases up and the next three guys strike out on 11 pitches; I roar with laughter. A player we sign for defensive prowess commits a handful of errors; I howl with laughter. Someone airmails a throw to first base into the grandstand and I'm rolling on the floor with mirth Hell, you can't pay for this kind of entertainment! It's pulled me right out of the pandemic doldrums. Makes me want to stay isolated at home just to watch/listen to the Twins. Can't wait to see how they're going to lose next. I hope they surprise me.
  9. Dave The Dastardly
    A couple of kitchen matches for Colome.
  10. Dave The Dastardly
    I'd go for all four.
  11. Dave The Dastardly
    Wow! Six identical comments! Driving home your point or is the TD changeover not going well? Just funning. I like your title for Sano.
  12. Dave The Dastardly
    Whoa! Be still my heart! Rooker!
  13. Dave The Dastardly
    Ah, Grasshopper! Even the smallest pebble shines bright in a sea of mud.
  14. Dave The Dastardly
    It's hard to talk long-term when the Twins are busy choking in the short term. If you want to advance the runners, if we're lucky enough to have any runners, you can't do it by striking out.
  15. Dave The Dastardly
    Whoops. My bad! I usually get it right.
  16. Dave The Dastardly
    "Willians Astudillo has been an uninspiring replacement." Nick Nelson Huh? .289 average, 2 strikeouts? Garver and Sano added together have only .271 average and 44 strikeouts so the Turtle is better than both players combined. And then we have Cave at .155 average and 25 strikeouts. Time to back off criticizing El Tortuga and be thankful he's in the lineup. Respect the Turtle!
  17. Dave The Dastardly
    "They managed to hit nine balls — two less than the Pirates — that qualified as being hard hit by Baseball Savant, though only two — Cave’s doubles — were converted into hits. They also hit six balls that had an xBA of at least .500, including Astudillo’s single and one of Cave’s doubles; Kirilloff's fly out in the second inning had an xBA of .700 and Polanco's line out in the fourth an xBA of .870." How many runs did that put up on the scoreboard?
  18. Dave The Dastardly
    Rumor I heard was Colome and Sano were kidnapped by irate California Twins fans and were shipped to Tokyo via a slow boat to China. The kidnappers apparently informed the Front Office of the snatch but Falvey's secretary burned the note. Rocco apparently hasn't yet missed either player because he thinks he gave them a week off.
  19. Dave The Dastardly
    "Bottom of the 6th, 10 - 7: Again, barring a bad matchup, why not ask The Driver to hold that lead when there are still 12 outs needed? If he allows runners on base, the high-leverage arms will be there; if he doesn't, those arms will only be needed for 9 outs (same applied to Duffey)" VivaBombaRivera The Driver - I like that! And your argument makes a lot of sense.
  20. Dave The Dastardly
    I'm not calling for anyone's head, but I am calling for everyone to start using their heads.
  21. Dave The Dastardly
    And Minnesota temperatures will stop running 20 degrees below normal and pigs will fly, which given the millions of pigs on factory farms will jam up the air traffic control towers, regular flights will have to be diverted to Flint, Michigan where the stranded air passengers will say, "Damn! This water tastes good!" and the raccoons that have been raiding my sweet corn patch will pass a background check, buy rifles and start shooting at me. Then Sano will get hot.
  22. Dave The Dastardly
    You know things are going to hell fast when nap-inducing golf is chosen over baseball. But right now I'd rather watch a game of marbles than the Twins. Knuckles down!
  23. Dave The Dastardly
    I live in the country, mostly wooded 12 acres with a creek running through it. That means a lot of wildlife and that means raccoons dropping by. They bust up my wife's bird feeders, steal the occasional chicken, throw open my grill so they can lick up the grease (thanks for that by the way), dig up the potted plants on my deck, raid the vegetable garden, etc. etc. Basically a major pain in the patootie. Anyway, I once made the mistake of asking two of my brothers-in-law, both avid hunters and one a retired infantryman who got into shooting scrapes in both Somalia and Afghanistan, what was the best Raccoon Eradicator I could buy. For the next half hour I was deluged with footpounds, muzzle velocities, trajectories, grains of powder, etc. etc. They both felt pretty pleased with themselves by the time they finished though my brain had gone dormant about one minute into the conversation. So I went home and continued to eradicate raccoons with my trusty .22 Ruger. Aim, squeeze the trigger and dispose of the bodies. That's all I need to know. And I don't think the coons care how many footpounds hit them. My point is, let the statistics guys, like my two gun nut brothers-in-law, do their thing because that's what makes them happy and guys like me and you can just gloss over all those arcane stats and just talk regular baseball stuff because that's all we need to know to hit our target.
  24. Dave The Dastardly
    Bieber goes nine, Twins starters can't go 5, bullpen can't hold a lead, hitters can't hit (half the position players are struggling to get to .200) Donaldson and Simmons are the only two infielders who can field (and Simmons is out with Covid) and Rocco makes baffling moves. But I'm positive! Call me Pollyanna.
  25. Dave The Dastardly
    You must live in a different Wisconsin than I know. I spent 14 years of my adult life in the Badger state, most of it coaching basketball from junior high to junior college and ran into enough negativity to discharge a Tesla battery. Let's be honest; when a team wins, fans are positive, when a team stinks, fans are negative. Human nature.
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