LaBombo

Don't think of it as a story problem, think of it as acerbic observation sprinkled with semi-random numbers.

So if the Twins have played barely a fifth of the season, and have used 15 relief pitchers so far, they're on pace to use about 75, correct?

At the time of his injury he was abstaining from stealing for Lent. Someone just needs to remind him he's ok to steal until next March.

It's one thing to play against teams with a rising superstar shortstop that we never had a shot at drafting, but seeing the formerly attainable Andrelton Simmons become a good hitter in addition to being a supernatural fielder is enough to make me want to sign a 'Free Nick Gordon!' before he even sniffs AAA.

Exactly how many, or just, like, rounded to the nearest multiple of 10?

If there's a better way to make sure a reliever is cooked when the postseason starts, the Twins would like to hear it.

Pressly very cautiously covering his mouth with his glove during the mound visit so that no lip-reader can see him say "Poop!"...

So the bullpen could still use a little work.

He's below the Mendoza line this year, so it's at least partly that the Twins are Jonestowning themselves when he's at the plate.

Didn't see his hand get plunked, but that would explain Max's comment to the trainer that was picked up faintly by the parabolic mic... "Lash it to me arm!"

Nope. His hair hit a three run bomb to left, though.

Hitting coach James Rowson throwing a water cooler against the wall?

"Dozier... All he does is pull the ball." http://media.nj.com/times-sports/photo/buddyjpg-a95db8a112d10be9.jpg

Mauer is... uhh, "leading" the majors in lowest rate of swinging at pitches, 29.x% with nobody else below 32 %. On base percentage is great, but it's hard to bring the crowd to the edge of their seats in anticipation of a batter taking a brilliant non-swing at a pitch.

Would love to be able to sum this up into a nicer read but I didn't, and sorry if it's mostly redundant after 8 pages of mostly more informed people offering their opinions... 1. Reusse is the trademark holder on "Sports Curmudgeon" columns. At the end of the day, this particular column is mostly him yelling "Get off my lawn!" at chubby kids and bloggers. 2.That doesn't mean he's wrong. A professional baseball player being obviously overweight is even more confounding than an accountant admitting that he's 'not so good with math'. When any out-of-shape athlete struggles, conditioning is going to be the first thing people look at. 3. Expectations can be a killer. Not yet 25, Sano been endlessly talked about for nearly a decade as a cornerstone of a rebuilding Twins franchise that's mostly stunk since Target Field opened. That's a lot to put on a kid who joined the organization as a teenage immigrant, and that crazy good rookie season only made us want even more. 4. Even given that context, it's hard not to see Sano's fledgling career as a disappointment as everything stands today. His offense last year was good but not great, his defense is still a major concern, and the weight issue is looming larger than ever as the injuries mount. 5. And yet we're barely a month into Sano's age 25 season. The team stumbled for a long stretch, and only four starting position players have put up good numbers. Sano didn't hit, and then he got hurt. And maybe this would all be easier to bear if Buxton had raked, but he struggled and got hurt too. If you thought this was all coming to some sort of point, sorry. The best I can do is to say that Sano's still just a kid, winter's only been over for three weeks, and... we'll see. But it sure seems like we've seen signs that something's not right, either with his approach, the organization's, or both. At this point I guess they probably need to get him healthy, see if he can stay that way and play well, and if not... consider the baseball equivalent of weight loss camp? Any player can struggle with their approach at the plate, but in the end a lack of talent is not Sano's problem. And the pressure the organization feels to not have him turn into the next David Ortiz must be unbearable by now.

Sheesh, a guy's name gets dropped in a sports column and suddenly he's Jim Croce.

The hamsters look like an LSD flashback version of the characters from the pilot episode of a 1970's live-action Saturday morning kids' show that didn't get picked up by the network because all the kids in the focus test-viewing audience wet their pants in terror. But I'll leave it to someone with a marketing background to explain how childhood trauma + hallucinogenics = car purchase. Anyway, on the subject of pants-wetting terror, Rodney was surprisingly effective tonight! And the Twins' offense got Berrios a win on a night when he didn't have his best stuff but still went six to spare the pen another really long night, so nice job, boys!

Joe's gone more than a year without swinging at a single 3-0 pitch. Joe doesn't do unpredictable.

Was just going to say 'strap in', but the hat thing would work too.

Just a cushion? You have more confidence than I do. I'm thinking Rodney needs a whole sectional sofa.

Our dog helpfully pointed this same issue out to us by laying down right in front of us on her side and panting as if she had just finished the Iditarod.

He mentioned this in the postgame last time. Strained frontal lobe, it's affecting his hand/eye coordination.

Hang on, dude, I'm working on it, but the kid and I are trying to blow up the Death Star on the PS4...