Twins Promote Controversial Mascot Prospect OzemPig, Option struggling TC Bear to Triple-A

After a shaky start to the season by the Twins, the team’s top brass made a move to bring in some fresh meat. It was announced earlier today that OzemPig, the team’s top mascot prospect, would be taking over as the club’s primary cheerleader for the time being. The incumbent, TC Bear, is going down to Triple-A St. Paul to work on his mechanics as he tries to get himself back on track.

“We still have the utmost confidence in TC, but at this point we’re not doing him any favors by keeping him up here on a nightly basis,” said the Twins’ President of Baseball Operations, Derek Falvey. “And on the other end, OzemPig has really burst onto the scene with the Saints and we’re excited to see what he can bring to our big league club.”

Figuring things out in the minor leagues is going to be new territory for TC Bear, who has been with the major-league club since debuting on Opening Day in 2000. But it’s a necessary move, as his sa-bear metrics have taken a noticeable plummet in the season’s first few weeks. So far, TC Bear is seeing career lows when it comes to T-shirt cannon exit velocity, bear-el rate and xwO-BEAR. 

“We know TC will get it going eventually, but right now it feels like he’s still in hibernation,” said the club’s vibes coordinator, Chet Simpson. “And what the hell happened to his paws?”

In his place, OzemPig will try to establish himself as a high-energy contributor, and less of the distraction that he was in the first week of the minor-league season. Many Saints fans complained that his name was somehow insensitive, as it reflects a controversial weight loss drug that has been promoted by many celebrities.

“Wait, that’s what people are upset about now?” said Twins’ manager Rocco Baldelli. “Geez, I guess Minnesotans really can find a way to cry about anything.”

OzemPig has the chops to ignite some excitement in what has been a relatively lifeless start to the season for the Twins. His calling card is his OAA (Oinks Above Average), but he’s starting to develop some offensive firepower, as well. In 12 games with the Saints this year, he has a .969 slOPS+ and he leads the league in xwo-BACON.

“We’re excited to see what Ozzie can do,” said Simpson. “At the risk of sounding cute, I guess you could say it’s time to bring home the bacon."

OzemPig is expected to make his debut on Friday night against the Detroit Tigers, which by pure coincidence happens to be Pork Belly Appreciation Night sponsored by Minnesota Pork Farmers.