Pohlads Don’t Know Why It’s Called a Lottery When You Have to Spend Money

[RandBalls Stu]

Image courtesy of Flickr/Alpha Photo

Despite the division-rival Chicago White Sox nabbing the top pick in the 2026 MLB Draft, most Twins fans (and the front office) were pleased to land at No. 3, behind only the (formerly) godless South Siders and Tampa Bay.

There was a notable exception.

“Winning the lottery is supposed to mean a boatload of money,” said a source close to the Pohlad family. “They are furious that baseball’s lottery means the exact opposite. They want some answers from the Commissioner’s Office, and they want them now.”

The Twins most recently benefited from the draft lottery in 2023, when they leapt to the fifth pick and snagged Walker Jenkins, the organization’s top prospect. The source says the Pohlads dispute that characterization.

“In 2024, they were able to fall from the 12th pick to the 16th pick. That’s four slots worth of savings," said the family friend. "Jumping up to five when you’re 13th? That means you have to sell one of your country estates—or your entire bullpen.”

Twins president of baseball operations Derek Falvey and general manager Jeremy Zoll seemed pleased with the pick, telling The Athletic it was “a good outcome.” Behind the scenes, the Pohlads were fuming.

“When a poor wins the lottery, they get money to buy their Big Gulps and Crocs,” said another source with knowledge of the Pohlads’ reaction. “Why don’t those same rules apply to their betters? The Pohlads will put that money right back into the community!

“I should clarify that by ‘community,’ I mean the community of Pohlad family members, who will then deposit it in offshore tax havens where it can’t be touched by the government.”

The 2026 MLB Draft takes place on July 12 and 13 in Philadelphia. Both sources say the team hopes that the prospect will accept vouchers at the Target Field Team Store in lieu of a signing bonus.

Image license here.

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[Rhyno006]

This may actually be less of a farce than you think Stu lol. 

[sampleSizeOfOne]

Are there penalties for not spending the entire signing bonuses associated with the higher pick?

 

And i'm trying to gauge how much of a farce me thinking that Stu laughs out loud is... I confess, i've never actually heard Stu laugh, mostly because i just read his articles here. It may take while for me to sort that out, especially as i'm now distracted thinking of the Mary Poppins song lyrics about laughing... "Some people laugh through their teeth, goodness sakes! Hissing and fizzing like snakes... not at all attractive to my way of thinking". Which catagory mentioned in the song does Randballs Stu fall into?