walt-o-meal

Fact: The only thing Joe Mauer hates more than no-hitters is skim milk. "It's not real milk! I keep telling Maddy, but she just won't listen. Jeepers."

1. Fact: Joe Mauer was drafted first in the 2001 MLB draft. No other player has ever been drafted first in the 2001 MLB draft. #GoSeminoles 2. Fact: Joe Mauer has as many RBIs in a Twins uniform as Justin Morneau. Also, he has slightly more passed balls. But also fewer ABs as a White Sox. So uh, call it a wash. #WhiSox 3. Fact: Joe Mauer is batting over .300 for the first time since 8-19-2013 when his cerebellum was stolen, most likely by aliens. #TheTruthIsOutThere 4. Fact: Joe Mauer has a hit in 11 straight games, and is batting .448 since national Duran Duran appreciation day. #HungryLikeTheWolf 5. Fast: Joe Mauer is 20 for 44 (.455) since the moon got out of the way of the freakin' sun. #LunarInterference 6. Fact: Joe Mauer is batting at least 1.000 over his last 5 ABs. #MathIsHard 7. Fact: Some teams would pay up to $22,999,999.99 - but not a goddamn penny more - for this kind of performance from a veteran in a playoff chase. #MauerIsOverpaid

And what happens if Garver finds the MLB hitting stick we think he might have?

Don't worry. Someone will tell you why this means we're the worst team in the league. I'll be in the corner toasting the win.

It should have happened years ago. If it ever happens, it will shorten games by 20%. And people will wonder why it took so long.

In related news, I heard Paul McCartney died in 1969. Horrible traffic accident. Very sad.

I find your lack of faith disturbing... http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_3Z2hyWr-pc/U53vSTAKpJI/AAAAAAAAFNQ/mZhqMMQsliY/s1600/20140614_190903.jpg

Meant to be sarcastic, but not condescending. Mea culpa. My point was that this is the sort of thinking that can lead to "p-hacking". We all likely appreciate the value of statistics. We should appreciate its misuses as well.

Yes. And if that doesn't work, keep trying different samples until you find one that fits your expectations. You can't lose.

Kepler's observatory. I can't believe it's not already a thing.

#YOGAKILLS

What took so long? This is the kind of thing that should come out after one loss, not four!

Lalalalalala.... Not listening.... Lalalalalalala....

Nah... Couldn't be.

Yoink!

Let's do it, fellas. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8lT1o0sDwI

A Braves fan defending the Maddux strike zone... What's next, Patriots fans claiming Tom Brady isn't a cheater? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwHpupwqmSY

Point 1: The "human element" argument is highly dubious. Nobody ever sees a lousy call and says "Gee, that's terrific. Every blown call adds to the beauty and perfection of the game, because Human Element". Bad calls are undesirable, and robots would reduce them. If you really want unpredictability, you can program in an x% error rate, and then it'll at least be unbiased, so Greg Maddux doesn't get every bull**** call. Point 2: For whatever reason, umpires like to bait players into ejections. A robot will not take off his mask and follow an unhappy hitter back to the dugout, talking like a sailor all the way to show the crowd what a big man he is. Point 3: I don't get it, but some people seem concerned with how long it takes to play baseball games. (Total speculation, but:) I predict that robot umpires would cut game times by an appreciable amount, as follows: Scenario A: Close pitch is called a ball. Pitcher stomps around mound in protest to let umpire know he's full of it. Catcher walks out to mound to talk him down. Eventually umpire walks out to break up the conference, and catcher chews on him the entire slow walk back to the plate. Scenario A with robot umpire: Close pitch is called a ball. Catcher throws ball back to pitcher for next pitch, because there's nothing to argue with the umpire about. Scenario B : Close pitch is called a strike. Batter curses, steps out and mutters something about a blind pig. Umpire takes off mask and asks player what his problem is. Batter turns his back so as not to be ejected and walks in a circle. (optional: manager comes out, kicks some dirt around, throws hat, and gets crowd all fired up). Batter adjusts gloves, ankle guard, and crotch, spits in general direction of ump, and eventually steps back in for the next pitch. Scenario B with robot umpire: Close pitch is called a strike. Batter steps back into box for next pitch, because while an MLB hitter in the prime of his life could reasonably believe his vision is better than a fighter pilot (much less a 60-year old man standing 5 feet away and behind another man), the local community college can put together a sensor with better visual acuity than any MLB player that ever lived.

Yeah, Blaine Boyer has like 20x more Ks than Mariano Rivera this year.

That's like 10 Ks per inning. Outstanding!

http://media.giphy.com/media/IeIV1wt8IpKJG/giphy-facebook_s.jpg

Road warriors! http://nerdragefilms.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/mad-max.jpg

Nolasco goes in the feline category: http://picdash.com/image/f/dash/c4d531e98a82d36c630fcc13a608ee7b.jpg

Or maybe a junk yard dog, for you WWF fans out there.

Nailed it!