Riverbrian

In my case Yes

Flipping off a cop from the back of a bus. Hitting the principal in the head with a thrown penny from across the room. i can't decide

I don't know about last dance but I remember My Sharona, Another One Bites the Dust and The Stroke at every school dance.

Was any of the stuff you listed... umm... food.

Pizza Burgers

You'd make a great Warden I don't know exactly what Wardens do. But I have faith in you

The Tigers are up next at Target field for a 3 game series starting tonight. After a needed day off… needed because the Twins just got swept by the Royals and they needed a day for refresher courses on how to play defense and… and… pitch and hit… you know… all of it because the Royals schooled them in… all of it. There really wasn’t a facet of the game of the baseball that the Twins didn’t struggle at. By this time of the season… you’d think this stuff would have been learned by now. It’s late August and school is starting everywhere… let's hope the Twins can learn something. Here are some things to think about:1. College – My youngest son started his first day in college yesterday. I’ve been telling him that it’s all about to change for him. He’s going to be living in a walk-in closet yet will still have more fun than ever. I said, “Have a good time but remember that you are setting up your future and it matters… Keep your grades up and you will look back on these years with a smile… That’s what I did in College." My Son asked, “What’s your GPA?" I told him, “About 28 in the city… 40 on the highway,” and then I got him back on topic. 2. Residency – My oldest son moved down to Phoenix a couple of weeks ago for his PT residency. Doing some work with actual, living, breathing patients with real ailments. I advised him to be confident and try not to say anything that might concern the patient. Don’t say things like… “Oops” or “What the hell is this?” “Before I start this next procedure, I’ll need full payment up front." And, “I’ll be right back because I need to grab some towels to soak up the blood.” Also, “Hey, Page 24 of the manual is missing” or “Don’t worry… this is basically practice for me so it doesn’t count." Like I said… he should project confidence and be reassuring… tell them confidently that any permanent physical deformities can be photo shopped. 3. Kindergarten – It all begins right here… your academic habits begin in what is called 'Kindergarten.' I remember my first report card… I brought it home and my Dad looked at it… and then he looked at me and said, "If this report card doesn’t improve… someone is going to get spanked." I could tell by the look on his face that he was quite serious and I got the message. I went to Kindergarten the next day and I told my teacher what my Dad said… someone was going to get spanked and I was pretty sure it was gonna be her. 4. School Bus – I used to take the school bus home every day from school. That lasted until the Police finally caught me and made me take the school bus back. 5. School of Fish – OK… I’m stretching for the final thought as it has nothing to do with school, but bear with me anyway. I went fishing last weekend with a good buddy of mine, and as we sat in the boat with a beer and our lines in the water, he surprised me when he said that he was thinking about divorcing his wife of 20 years. When I asked him why, he said that she hasn’t spoken to him in months. I told him, “Hang on to her… women like that are hard to find." ____________________ Lineups: TWINS Brian Dozier [R) 2B Jorge Polanco(S) SS Joe Mauer(L) 1B Trevor Plouffe[R) 3B Max Kepler(L) RF Miguel Sano[R) DH Eddie Rosario(L) CF Juan Centeno(L) C Danny Santana(S) LF Kyle Gibson [R] P TIGERS Ian Kinsler[R) 2B Erick Aybar(S) SS Miguel Cabrera[R) 1B Victor Martinez(S) DH J.D. Martinez[R) RF Justin Upton[R) LF Casey McGehee[R) 3B James McCann[R) C Cameron Maybin[R) C Anibal Sanchez [R] P Forecast: 80(83) deg F, cloudy, chance of rain going from 31% to 89% during the game, winds from the S at 13mph. Go Twins! Click here to view the article

I reached the point of complete frustration with Dozier earlier this year. I didn't want to trade the guy but I certainly didn't want him playing everyday as long as he was trying to pull everything. Now... He's the hitter that I always imagined he could be and his adjustment came much faster than I would have thought possible. Its hard to stop pulling the ball. He's going the other way quite a bit now. Teams will not be able to shift on him like they did before. This will open up left field so he can turn on the inside pitch. He's finally a professional hitter... His average is going up and power is going up. I hope Dozier never forgets this and if he doesn't forget this... He will be one of the top 2B in the league. Dozier has finally become that example for the younger players. "Look I fixed it... You can to". When Buxton quits upper-cutting and trying to pull everything... He will have a similar transformation IMO. I'm hoping that Dozier can take his personal experience and share it. I'd like to keep him around and not trade him... Let's see if he can Lead!!!

Based on his left field defense last night and today and based on that alone. Grossman would have to OPS over .900 to be worth bringing back. I'm not sure he can do that so... as of this moment... I'm moving on.

The Twins packed up, left Atlanta and made the trek to Kansas City to face the suddenly hopeful Royals for a 4 game series. Suddenly hopeful because Danny Duffy and Wade Davis say they can do it. They believe that they can make the playoffs. Why not… the Twins came back from sub .500 in 2009. The Twins are their inspiration. The Royals are currently 7 games back from the last wild card spot… certainly surmountable… but they would also have to pass by the Yankees, Astros, Tigers and Mariners and either the Red Sox or Orioles or Blue Jays just to get there and that makes it less surmountable. Lloyd Christmas says: “So you’re telling me there’s a chance”. Here are some things to think about: 1. Unless you want to work forty hours a week – Giving 100% at work is extremely easy to do. It equates to about 20% each day based on a 5 day work week. There is really no excuse… so give it a try. 2. Fell off the jetway again – When it comes to boarding a plane… the airline industry understood that herding people onto a plane was more efficient if they approached it like ranchers herd cows. The cows go through a cattle alley and people go through a jetway. It’s only a matter of time before the airline employs dogs to help with the herding process. Without the jetway… you’d have some people scattered all over the tarmac and some people trying to leap into those 8 foot high doors. 3. I knew it started with an S – I don’t spend a lot of time on Facebook. When I have recently… I’ve been noticing that it’s mostly videos now. It seems like Facebook is losing that personal touch. Facebook needs those personal posts. A friend of ours posted yesterday that it was their 20th anniversary. If it wasn’t for that post… I would have had no idea it was their anniversary. I also wouldn’t have known that he was… quote, “married to the sweatiest girl in the entire world.” end quote 4. Your Hands are freezing – Growing up in Minnesota… We all know what the cold hand treatment is. Come inside after being out in 10 below weather with frozen hands and what do you do? You apply those hands to the warm skin of someone else. Sometimes if you sneak up on them… you can make them jump quite a distance. Hindsight is 20/20… I know now that it was a bad idea to sneak up behind grandma and do this in front of the stairwell. 5. Big Gulps Huh… Alright see ya later – Small talk is very difficult to master. I think the key is to come up with a good conversation starter, so I thought I’d share some of my favorites: “Are those your real teeth?” “Would you like to hear a list of things that I’ve done when I’m drunk?” “Do you know any good conversation starters?” “I’m new in town can you tell me how to get to your place?” “Does this smell like chloroform to you?” “You look like someone I met in prison...” and finally “You know… I knew something was wrong and it took me around 8 hours to figure out what it was… I was wearing this thong backwards.” ____________________ Lineups: TWINS Brian Dozier [R] 2B Jorge Polanco SS Joe Mauer [L] DH Trevor Plouffe [R] 1B Max Kepler [L] RF Miguel Sano [R] 3B Eddie Rosario [L] CF Kurt Suzuki [R] C Robbie Grossman LF Tyler Duffey [R] P ROYALS Paulo Orlando [R] CF Cheslor Cuthbert [R] 3B Lorenzo Cain [R] RF Eric Hosmer [L] 1B Kendrys Morales DH Salvador Perez [R] C Alex Gordon [L] LF Alcides Escobar [R] SS Raul Mondesi 2B Dillon Gee [R] P Game-time forecast: Looks good to go. Clear, sunny, 88(93) deg F, winds from the S at 10mph. Go Twins! Click here to view the article

There are two teams and two teams only with winning percentages under .400. Normally, if you wanted to watch both of them live at the same time… it would be impossible because you can’t be in two places at once. However, for the next two days… the universe opens up and makes it possible. You can watch the Braves and Twins… at the same time and same location. I don’t have to tell any of you how special this match-up is. The two worst records in baseball… two opponents that rarely face each other… and the final trip to Fulton County Stadium because a new stadium is set to open up next year in Atlanta. The confluence of events that must align in order for all of this to happen… may never be seen again. This two-game series is a rare rare thing and it must be appreciated. Here are some things to think about: 1. Bigfoot Sightings – Sightings of Bigfoot are very rare and photos are mostly blurry. A few years back I decided to go out and try to find one, to prove once and for all the existence of these creatures. I started at Walmart because that seemed like a natural place to start. I found a few people that looked like possibilities for a while but in the end I had to pack up and move out to a nearby forest to continue my search. It was there that I saw a large, hairy creature walking on two legs toward me. It was about 9 feet tall… large eyes with a low set forehead. It had an incredibly powerful smell that got stronger as it got closer. I grabbed my camera and got ready to shoot some photos when I noticed that both of his feet were extremely large. Once I realized that both feet were of equal size… I then knew that it wasn’t a Bigfoot… it was a Bigfeet and the whole experience was a waste of time. 2. Alien Abductions – There are many reports of people being abducted by aliens but after extensive research it has been determined that this type of abduction is a rare occurrence. If you are worried about such things… there are a few things that you can do to avoid being abducted by aliens: 1. Stay in the house and never leave. 2. If you must go out… cover yourself in honey and walk backwards. 3. If you run into aliens… pretend to not understand what they are saying and they will leave you alone in frustration. 3. Vending Machine falling on you – According to statistics… only two people a year are killed by vending machines in the United States. This makes this a fairly rare occurrence. You know how it works… you want a Milky Way and you put in your money and you push G5 and the thing spins around and stops while the Milky Way hangs on the edge. You have a few choices at this point: 1. Pay for the product again to make it spin around some more. 2. Go find someone with a key and a heart. 3. Walk away and go without. 4. Take a baseball bat to the glass and grab as many Milky Way’s as you want. 5. Rock the machine back and forth until it falls over on you and kills you. Option 5 is viable but you should know that it is possible that someone will walk past your body and say "Hey Look... a Free Milky Way". 4. Winning the Lottery – We can all dream… right? You buy that lottery ticket with the hope that those numbers will come up and you can spend your life financially set. Whenever the jackpot reaches record levels, the excitement ramps up and the lines to buy tickets increase. Yep… a 500 million dollar jackpot will cause people to run to the convenience store and buy a ticket. A 32 million dollar jackpot… no lines at all… It’s simply not enough money to be worth the effort of putting on pants to leave the house. 5. Hole in One – In the sport of golf these are celebrated events. If you get one… you’ll get your name in the paper along with those who witnessed it. I have never done it and I have never seen anyone else do it either. (True Story) However… at age 22… I did pull off a double eagle and I’ve been told that is even rarer than a hole in one but I didn't get my name in the paper so it didn't feel as rare. Even rarer still was the 50-yard shot that I made. It was hole #18 and my short game had been (chipping over the green) frustrating me all day. I was 50 yards out… sitting at 98 strokes and I was pissed because I knew my score was going to be triple digits. I put my wedge back in the bag because I just couldn’t go through that again and I grabbed my putter. My friend said “What the hell are you doing?” I told him, "I don’t care anymore... I’m not swinging that wedge ever again… I’m just gonna putt my way in and go home." My friend looked around to see if anyone was watching because he wanted to know how embarrassed he should be. AND YES!!! I drained it from 50 yards with a putter for a final score of 99. My friend shook his head and said “Can I have your wedge if you aren’t going to use it anymore.” (True Story) I had a witness and that should have made the paper. ____________________ Lineups: TWINS Brian Dozier [R] 2B Jorge Polanco SS Joe Mauer [L] 1B Trevor Plouffe [R] 3B Max Kepler [L] RF Kurt Suzuki [R] C Eddie Rosario [L] CF Robbie Grossman LF Ervin Santana [R] P BRAVES Ender Inciarte [L] CF Erick Aybar SS Freddie Freeman [L] 1B Matt Kemp [R] LF Nick Markakis [L] RF Adonis Garcia [R] 3B Jace Peterson [L] 2B A.J. Pierzynski [L] C Joel De La Cruz P Forecast: partly cloudy, 88 (94) deg F, 15-30% chance of rain, winds from the SSW at 6mph Go Twins! Click here to view the article

According to my eye test. If Buxton is well done... Grossman is medium rare. He catches what he gets to but he isn't getting to balls he isn't supposed to. If Sano could have gotten to a Grossman level of defense in the OF it would have been ok but Grossman isn't Sano at the plate. As for the question... should Grossman be a part of our plans? Yes... because we don't have anyone better at the moment. I reserve the right revise that statement based anyone better showing up.

I suppose... I just don't like turning on the TV... and seeing that. It's like waking up in the morning and banging your shin on the night stand.

See The Royals D would make that... Oops

Is this happening because I turned the TV on. Should I turn it off? Or is it Molitor, Ryan and Antony's Fault. I'll take the blame if I have to.

I don't know how Gibson isn't chewing the leather off his glove in anger between the Plouffe Bloop and the Grossman Bloop. Neither of those balls land with the Royals D.

Dear Trevor Plouffe, That ball dropping cost us two runs and the lead. Winners make that play!!! Other than that... How's the wife and kids? Sincerly, Riverbrian

I turn on the TV and I see a bases loaded bloop barely passed the infield dirt and Plouffe playing a fairly deep 3B... intermittently back pedaling. I had to rewind and look at it about 10 times and it bothered me more each time. That ball has no business landing. When you look at how much ground Polanco covered to almost get to the ball and the small amount of ground that Plouffe would have had to cover. I understand that he obviously mis-judged it...but... That ball was misplayed as badly as any of the dropped pop ups by Sano.

Before the rains came… things were looking good for the Twins and pretty bad for the Astros. A 5-0 Twins lead interrupted by rain on Wednesday shook out into 25 runs for the Astros in one single Thursday. Talk about an extreme change of fortune. The Twins now must shake it off and face the Royals at Target Field. They are a good opponent for our Twins because they haven’t been able to shake things off this entire year. I know what you are thinking… clearly… this was a shaky intro. Here are some things to think about: 1. Milkshakes – To be perfectly clear… you can go to McDonald's and get one of those shakes coming out of a machine and it’s still pretty good. But… but… McDonald's has to know that it can’t compete with a milkshake when it’s done as God intended… and that’s hand scooped premium ice cream into a steel cup. Money can’t buy you love but it can buy you a damn good milkshake. 2.A Leaf – Shaking like a leaf? A leaf? I guess I don’t spend enough time looking at trees. I think the person who came up with this idiom was probably stuck in a tree and couldn’t see anything but leaves. If Grandma was in the tree with him… the saying would be much different. 3. Earthquakes – Now these things can really do some shaking. I have no idea what it’s like to be in one but I’ve heard stories. Tectonic plates are always slowing moving and sometimes they get stuck. This causes a sudden release of energy which causes the ground to shake and destroys all the painstaking work done on etch-a-sketches in a 50 mile radius. 4. Tambourines – If the lead singer of a band can’t play guitar, the other band members insist on them doing something else to help fill out the sound. During instrumental sections of songs… the lead singer would leave the stage… get a drink of something… pick up women… whatever they wanted to do… it was time off that the others couldn’t get without a noticeable musical hole. This was why the tambourine was invented. Either make that lead singer shake this thing for additional sound or shove his head through the drum in jealousy. Turns out… most audiences would rather see the latter. 5. Handshakes – Let’s be honest… these things are a little out of control. They are conducted during greetings and departures and in moments of congratulations, the reaching of agreements, signs of sportsmanship and point to point germ passing. Sometimes you hug… sometimes you shake hands... sometimes one person goes for the hug while the other goes for the handshake. This can cause a brief period of awkwardness and longer periods dealing with a lawsuit depending on where your hand lands while reaching forward toward the incoming hugger. ____________________ Lineups: ROYALS Paulo Orlando [R) CF Cheslor Cuthbert [R) 3B Lorenzo Cain [R) RF Eric Hosmer (L) 1B Kendrys Morales (S) DH Salvador Perez [R) C Alex Gordon (L) LF Alcides Escobar [R) SS Raul Mondesi (S) 2B Yordano Ventura [R) P TWINS Brian Dozier [R) 2B Joe Mauer (L) 1B Max Kepler (L) RF Miguel Sano [R) DH Eddie Rosario (L) CF Trevor Plouffe [R) 3B Jorge Polanco (S) SS Kurt Suzuki [R) C Robbie Grossman (S) LF Kyle Gibson [R) P Forecast: Well, currently it's 70s and rainy. It will eventually move out. Could be a delayed start, but we'll get this one in. Click here to view the article

Log jams are wonderful. Would love to have MLB Talent tripping over each other trying to find playing time. This ain't a Log Jam. This has been players under performing and tripping over each other.

Suzuki is the only trade chip that I have my eye on right now. Because he is a FA next year. If you can get anything for him... it's better than nothing. If the Twins want him back they can always re-sign him. If they can't re-sign him... I don't believe it will kill the team.