Twins Turn to 'Spite and Revenge' for Bench Player Decisions

When Austin Martin went on the IL, many thought it would finally be the opening the Minnesota Twins needed to call up prized outfield prospect Walker Jenkins. Instead, they brought back Alex Jackson as their third catcher, despite Jackson clearing waivers from the other 29 teams the week prior. Those who cover the Twins were perplexed, as were many fans. Team sources say they had a good reason, though.

“Spite,” said a front office source. “Pure spite.”

While having a rarely-used, poor-hitting third catcher seems like an unnecessary luxury for a team that’s slumped mightily on offense without a healthy Byron Buxton, the source said other considerations were in play.

“The writers and bloggers have been torching us about the bullpen for a whole year, and we finally fixed the stupid thing,” said the source. “Instead of a thank you, what do we get from them? Did we get a thanks? Nope. 800 words about why we aren’t calling up Walker Jenkins. Gelman and the Gooch [sic] did a whole podcast about it. So, yeah, you turds are getting Alex Jackson. We’d call him up twice if we could. [EXPLETIVE] you.”

Jackson hasn’t been used since returning to the bigs, but the Twins put together a massive sweep of likely postseason contender Atlanta to stay in the Wild Card conversation. The front office source wanted to make sure everyone knows who gets the credit.

“We don’t finish that sweep without old Al, that’s just a fact,” said the source. “His kind eyes and down-to-earth demeanor keep the clubhouse loose and inspired. And he never once said he was quote, ‘mystified,’ unquote about the front office’s decision-making.”

With Ryan Jeffers healthy and Victor Caratini locked in as his backup, it seems unlikely that Jackson will see much playing time, barring injury. Even though rosters expand from 26 to 28 players on September 1, the source says anyone hoping to see Jenkins then will likely be disappointed.

“Spite doesn’t go away,” said the source. “It festers. It metastasizes into something darker, malevolent. I’m only getting madder talking about this. All those guys can’t stand Tristan Gray. Guess who’s coming back. As for the 28th player… hmmm, maybe there’ll be a change of heart. Maybe we’d like to see what kind of pop one of those young bucks at Triple-A can do.

“And even better, Matt Wallner is a hometown kid. Eat [EXPLETIVE], Gelman."