Pohlads Decry 'A Christmas Carol' Ending

A Christmas Carol has spent almost two centuries being one of the holiday season’s most durable stories. Countless films, plays, and television shows have adapted the 1843 Charles Dickens novella faithfully, or updated the beloved tale for modern times.

Well, not beloved by everyone. For the Pohlad family, owners (for now) of the Minnesota Twins, it’s anything but a Christmas miracle.

“I’ll be honest, I just don’t get it,” said one family member. “This guy just gives his money away? Does he not know what money is? What kind of lesson is this teaching young shareholders?”

Sources say the family accidentally watched the version starring the late George C. Scott as Ebenezer Scrooge, a wealthy miser visited by the ghost of his former business partner, Jacob Marley, as well as the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. The servant responsible for turning the television on and off at their weekly Costume Gala has allegedly been sent to a debtor’s prison.

“It starts off strong, but the ending is really bleak,” said another Pohlad. “You see Scrooge putting the hours in, grinding away, and then all of a sudden he starts getting soft. Grandpa Carl (Pohlad, who bought the Twins in 1984) worked on holidays all the time. Those family farms weren’t going to foreclose themselves.”

One plot point that really upset the viewers was the character of Tiny Tim, the sickly son of Scrooge’s employee, Bob Cratchit, whom Scrooge reluctantly gave PTO for Christmas.

“I feel bad for the child, but why is that Scrooge’s problem,” asked a Pohlad cousin. “He already gave his dad the day off with pay, which is frankly very generous. Take Tim to urgent care, get someone to cover your shift, or we’ll have AI do your job. These takers drive me nuts.”

“Start a GoFundMe or something,” said another. “I’ve seen a lot of poors have success with that.”

This is just the latest holiday film controversy involving the Pohlads, who unsuccessfully sued It’s a Wonderful Life director Frank Capra in 1977 for not letting George Bailey drown.