Guy Who Was In All-Day Meeting Thursday Walking Around Like Everything’s Fine

Patrick Seivert exited the Nicollet Suite at the Minneapolis Convention Center at 5 pm on Thursday like an idiot, per multiple sources.

“I have no idea why he’s smiling,” said Rebecca Todd, one of Seivert’s co-workers and a fellow diehard Twins fan. “Oh my god, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know.”

Seivert, who works for a local accounting firm, was in an all-day seminar about industry best practices. Attendees were encouraged to shut their phones down or put them in airplane mode to better grasp the intricacies of the topic at hand. Seivert’s family confirmed that he purposely left his phone in his car to resist the temptation of checking it.

“Patrick didn’t even know the Twins had a day game,” said his wife Marley. “He was all happy after the wins on Tuesday and Wednesday. The seminar was catered by Chipotle, and he has Friday and Monday off. The dummy was in such a good mood headed out the door.”

The 35-year-old St. Olaf grad was observed whistling on the way to his parking spot.

“Yes, I think it was the ‘We’re Gonna Win Twins’ jingle,” said Vong Moua, a security guard at the Convention Center. “This complete moron walking around Minneapolis without a care in the world, not even two hours since the new bullpen guy imploded.

“I thought he might have been a Marlins fan trolling Minnesotans, but then I remembered there aren’t any Marlins fans. That poor dumb bastard.”