Bombshell Investigation Reveals TC Bear Behind Regrettable Twins Daily Parody Article

A recent parody article released on Twins Daily ruffled many feathers, due to its subject material and general tone-deafness. But the writer in the byline is trying to save face with an investigation into the matter, and he might just be justified in his qualms.

An inquisition into the article has revealed that the perpetrator of such a senseless piece of half-baked writing was actually none other than TC Bear, the longtime mascot of the Minnesota Twins. 

“Of course I would never write anything so ill-timed and tasteless,” said Lou Hennessy, while sitting in timeout. “The world is obviously still mourning Pope Francis’s tragic passing. It would be idiotic to release something like this so soon after his death.”

Hennessy is known for writing content for Twins Daily that is both unfunny and tacky, but this was a step too far, according to many readers. 

“This guy is a hack and his sense of humor has always rubbed me the wrong way,” said a commenter with the username Forgive&Forget8791. “Now would be a perfect time for Twins Daily to cut ties with this loser. And the Twins should fire Rocco too, while we’re on the topic.”

Hennessy was made aware of the article that went out with his name attached when nobody would sit with him in the Twins Daily cafeteria during the lunch hour on Thursday afternoon. So he did some digging into the matter, and discovered that the piece was posted while he was attending morning Mass at the Basilica of St. Mary, as he does each and every day. Hennessy then checked the security footage from his St. Paul compound, and discovered the Twins’ mascot had snuck into his home office and posted the indelicate parody in his name.

TC Bear’s decision to frame Hennessy likely stems from the ongoing feud between the mascot and the hosts of the equally tacky Twins Off-Daily Podcast, which has tragically gained considerable popularity in recent weeks.

“Look, I’ve been known to say stupid things that leave me eating crow, but even I know this was tactless,” said Hennessy as he applied his sad clown makeup. “I’m really sorry that I was attached at all, and I hope those that were offended by this mishap can practice the forgiveness that Pope Francis demonstrated every day of his incredible and inspirational life. I’ll make sure nothing this stupid is ever posted on the site again.”

As for TC Bear, authorities raided his den early on Friday and took him into custody. A substitute will don his backup costume for the series against the Angels while he awaits trial. 

“I thought I finally had Sweet Lou in a corner with this one,” said TC Bear as authorities took him away in comically oversized handcuffs.  “And I would’ve gotten away with it, too—if it wasn’t for you meddling bloggers and your mangy Geek.” 

A Note, from the Managing Editor/Bear Inquisitor: As Lou so earnestly says, above, even amid the latest gag, we at Twins Daily want to sincerely apologize to those offended by last week's article about Pope Francis. Though Lou wrote the article on his own, I accept—even demand—full responsibility for the decision to run it, especially so close to the great man's death. Like Lou, I'm a practicing Catholic, and we're each somewhat used to the familiar ribbing that is safe within a circle of people who know each other well and understand where the boundaries lie. I don't believe the piece was in especially poor taste. If it had denigrated the character of the Pope or the honor of the Church, we would not have run it. However, in each of our personal connections to the faith and the loss of its leader and our own ways of processing the latter, we were too incautious with the breadth of appropriate responses thereto—including the deep grief and reverence with which many approach that office, each of its inhabitants, and the event of one of them passing away. 

Again, I am the only one to blame here. What Lou wrote was, in itself, inoffensive. He and I each hold Pope Francis and his legacy of inclusion and outreach in the highest possible esteem, and the piece itself did nothing to trammel that. However, publishing it when we did was insensitive to those who needed space to cope with the hole left in the world in a different way. That decision was all mine, and I deeply regret any pain it caused any of you. In the future, we'll think more carefully about Just for Fun stories that risk being unduly flippant or glib at somber moments. Thank you. -MT