Next Final Destination Movie Said To Revolve Around The Minnesota Twins

[Lou Hennessy]

Image courtesy of Purple Wolf Graphics

With the tremendous box office success of Final Destination: Bloodlines, the newest installment of the popular horror-thriller franchise, it appears Hollywood is readying itself for another trip around the block. Warner Bros. is reportedly considering another chapter in the coming years, one that will focus around a handful of star players on the Minnesota Twins, who try to avoid succumbing to ridiculous, over-the-top, almost unbelievable injuries throughout their season. 
“When we saw some of the truly bonkers fan speculation regarding the real Twins injuries, we knew we had something,” said a spokesperson for the studio. “Sure, it’s scummy to make light of someone else’s health and wellbeing, but we need to make a profit somehow, and it sure ain’t coming from the rest of the slop on our release schedule.”
The next FD installment is currently being called Final Destination: Foul Lines, and has a tentative release date of July 17th, 2029. They’re targeting a budget of roughly $135 million - a roughly 10% decrease from that of its predecessor despite being a smash hit. 
“We have to right-size our business,” said the spokesperson when asked to comment on the hit. “The added responsibility is going to fall on our genius writing team, who have blessed us with such monumental stunts as ‘man gets head run over by lawnmower’ or my beloved ‘man gets chopped in half the long way by falling elevator.’ We need to let them cook.”
The Twins versions of these scenes will not be as violent as the older versions, but certainly just as unbelievable. Here are some of the leaked set-pieces being designed for Foul Lines:

• Byron Buxton chases after a fly ball that is just about to clear the wall, he climbs the fence and makes a fantastic catch, but falls onto DaShawn Keirsey Jr. Buxton’s earring then gets tangled in Keirsey’s nose ring, and the two injure themselves as they try to throw the ball back into the cutoff man. 
• Brooks Lee accidentally leaves a ping pong ball on the ground beside the new table in the clubhouse. Carlos Correa slips on the ball and falls onto the ping pong table, which then folds in half, crushing the Twins’ slugger. Willi Castro tears his oblique as he tries to free Correa. Joe Ryan trips over the fallen Castro as he rushes to the nearest stall (he got another bout of the Chipotle flu). 
• Carson McCusker's bat slips out of his hands during an at-bat again, this time soaring through the air and impaling TC Bear in the outfield bleachers. 
• Jose Miranda somehow hurts his hand while catching a case of water bottles in the Target parking lot. Note: this concept was deemed to be comically unrealistic, but is still being floated as a farfetched reasoning behind his slow start to the season. 

Time will tell whether these scenes would present a notable enough draw for moviegoers and resident Twins sickos alike. 
“I’ll give them this, there’s nothing scarier than being a Twins fan,” said Twins Daily’s own Greggory Masterson while driving directly behind a rickety, overfilled logging truck. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to swerve right into this guy’s blind spot as we skid on the wet road that’s coming to a sharp curve up ahead. How much do you wanna bet this guy’s a Guardians fan?”
 

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[Rod Carews Birthday]

Ahhhhhhh!  Beetlejuice!  Beetlejuice!  Beetlejuice!

[thelanges5]

Is that the Dark Mark above right field?