Minnesota Sports Alchemy (help needed with recipe!)

[alexlegge]

There's some funky magic dust that helps the Twins and Wolves play off each other's success this time of year. If one team wins, it re-ups the magic dust supply for the other team. Either team can afford to lose a game, but the natural supply of magic dust will quickly vanish if the losses start piling up.

UNLESS, that is, we embrace the pseudo-science of Minnesota Sports Alchemy (I know, I know, 'pseudo' is really doing a lot of work there, but doesn't it always?). As an avid disciple of this dark art, I've deduced that a recipe for this magic dust can be approximated by manipulating famed MLB juicer attention spans. In fact, I'm pretty certain of 2 ingredients, which in tandem seem capable of producing an unstable cloud of chaotic sports magic.

 

MN sports magic dust recipe (INCOMPLETE - please help):

- keep A-Rod focused on anything other the Twins

- keep Roger Clemens focused on the Twins

- remaining ingredients TBD

[Logically, there must be some role for Barry Bonds....but what???]

[Other possible components: David Ortiz? Jorge Polanco? Nelson Cruz? Brain & Nerve Tonic?]

 

 

Note: This magic dust only applies to Target-sponsored teams. Call me a skeptic, but I don't think there's any magic dust capable of solving the Viking's playoff riddles. That requires an elite QB and an elite kicker. As a MN sports alchemist, I'm not in the business of creating elite sports talent out of nothing.