An Euphus Pitch of Truth
Minnesota Twins First Baseman is in the later years of his career, and says he's finally finding some of the finer things in life as a well paid veteran.
"You grow up, you get old, and you find things that you really enjoy." Mauer said after finally showing up to Spring Training "I've had a blast watching my kids grow up, I've had a good time trimming my lawn with scissors, and now I've started smoking cigars lit with hundred dollar bills, and let me tell you, it's just fantastic."
Mauer said that he wasn't into cigars in his twenties, believing that they were "yucky", but now that he's 32 and is able to finally afford some of the finer things in life, he came across cigar smoking and found that it was even better when he lit the cigar with a spare hundred.
"I was watching the Simpsons, and I saw Krusty the Klown do it, and I was like, hey, that guy had a bunch of extra money laying around like I do, and he's doing that, I should give it a try, it looks like fun." Mauer added, chuckling at the thought of the pasty cartooned celebrity. "It's been extra fun lighting them in front of all the minor league guys at camp this spring. Their faces when they see that hundred just go to waste is priceless. They must think it's so funny they're speechless."
Mauer has been known as a quiet type, and not the flashy and flamboyant type that you would typically see lighting cigars with hundreds, but perhaps this is a new Joe Mauer. Mauer says he feels more comfortable in his place in the world as a super rich baseball player, and it's led to more confidence for him to do things he would've consider silly in his younger years.
Some of his teammates were perturbed by the news, but ultimately didn't have anything bad to say about the former AL MVP.
"I mean, he's got more money than God, why would he not do that?" One Twins player said, choosing to remain anonymous. "It's weird seeing him do something like this, like he's a kid who just discovered breaking the rules or something, but hey, he's happy as hell, so whatever."
Mauer said he hasn't really thought about other new hobbies yet, but he's hoping that he might come across some more fun things like this in the future. It's also been said that he's considering getting an Instagram account just so he can follow Dan Bilzerian at the recommendation of a teammate, but he hasn't gotten around to downloading any apps on his phone in the three years he's had it. This very well could be a new Joe Mauer though, a cigar smoking rebel without a cause, and who knows where it could go from here.