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Dave The Dastardly

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Everything posted by Dave The Dastardly

  1. Dave The Dastardly
    If you're going to do Joe Morgan you have to have him repeat himself at least six times in order to "make" his point. That's about how many times I wished I had a pistol at hand when he was announcing. Though I never figured out if I was going to shoot the TV or myself. Mute buttons have saved a lot of lives.
  2. Dave The Dastardly
    "3.) The longest English word that is typed only with the left hand using standard technique on a qwerty keyboard is aftercataracts." I see!
  3. Dave The Dastardly
    That's the second biggest hernia truss I've ever seen!
  4. Dave The Dastardly
    We spent a week at Ice Cracking Lodge by Detroit Lakes when I was a kid. Clearest, cleanest lake water I'd seen up until then. My brother and I could sit in the boat and watch the big fish swim right by our hooks. All except for a huge northern that just hung in the water staring at our bait (nightcrawlers) until we got tired of waiting for him and decided to jump in and catch him by hand. Like most big opportunities in life, he easily eluded us. That was also our first lesson regarding the difficulty of climbing back into a rowboat in 20' of water. Funny how when it's sink or swim time a person tends to grab onto the first life jacket he can find. Even if its in the back end of the boat. Something about the supposed signing of Jaime Garcia made me think of that.
  5. Dave The Dastardly
    I find this intro overwhelming. Can you simplify?
  6. Dave The Dastardly
    Interesting article. Personally I don't think there's any positive correlation between age and performance. If there was we should all be excited about acquiring Colon. When a player demonstrates he can handle the level of competition where he's at, he should be moved up. Notice I said "handle", not dominate. Nobody learns anything new by dominating competitors of lesser ability because there's no incentive to do so. People who aren't challenged stagnate.
  7. Dave The Dastardly
    I understand he can play rock, paper, scissors.
  8. Dave The Dastardly
    I'm Brain Dead?
  9. Dave The Dastardly
    Didi Gregorius? Didn't she use to work a street corner along Hennepin?
  10. Dave The Dastardly
    I've drank a lot of IBC's over the years but I've never had an IBD. Is it a stout or an ale? Sounds like it might go well with poultry. Goose maybe?
  11. Dave The Dastardly
    Two comments: First, you sound a little up tight. Second, where do the smart puns go?
  12. Dave The Dastardly
    Sounds to me like they're getting a little anal.
  13. Dave The Dastardly
    I will be the model of restraint regarding puns for this one, but its driving me nuts.
  14. Dave The Dastardly
    When I was younger I was judged mental. Now that I am older I've become judgmental. Personally, I can't tell the difference. You be the judge.
  15. Dave The Dastardly
    Actually the bases were further apart back in those days. But then the owners decided baseball games were too long and the old fans were spending too much time standing in the bathroom line and not in the $8 hot dog line so they moved the bases closer together to shorten up the game and spice up the hot dog sales. And in a clear case of unintended consequences, professional baserunners suddenly became faster. The owners also began offering free sauerkraut for the increased sales of hot dogs which resulted in more gas being passed by the old farts, thus convincing fans of all ages to push for open air outdoor stadiums to replace domed stadiums. Which of course the owners didn't have to pay for. I know this to be true because many a Twins fan said baseball in the old Metrodome stunk.
  16. Dave The Dastardly
    Try it without squinting.
  17. Dave The Dastardly
    I was a kid. My mom thought that big swelling pocket of pus needed professional attention. She dragged me kicking and screaming to the doctor's office. The doc pulled out a needle a half mile long and then dragged me kicking and screaming back into his office before turning me into a dart board. Made quite a story to my classmates. Had to show 'em both the spider bite and the extra hole in my fanny. If I'd read Tom Sawyer already I would've charged the guys a quarter a peek. Had to chase down the girls to make them look. Started me off on a long career of chasing women. Oh what a tangled web we weave.
  18. Dave The Dastardly
    I got bit by a spider once. Didn't get a cool outfit or a web-slinger. Only got a shot in the a$$. Penicillin. I guess he wasn't a superbug.
  19. Dave The Dastardly
    Three or four lifetimes ago I coached a team against the Blossoms. Had a helluva time trying to fire up my guys to take on the Blossoms. Bunch of pansies.
  20. Dave The Dastardly
    Is that why they call it a sanctuary?
  21. Dave The Dastardly
    My Chief Procurement Officer and I (Titular Head of Household) start every day bird-watching over morning coffee and cookies (she makes these tremendous shortbreads) from either the sun room or the deck, weather depending. But our orioles are limited to the Baltimore and Orchard varieties. We'd kick the coffee table over with excitement if one of these babies ever landed at one of her feeders. But I'd make sure there was no damage to the shortbreads. A man's gotta keep his priorities straight...
  22. Dave The Dastardly
    The Rangers should be the Lonesome Doves.
  23. Dave The Dastardly
    Two tousand feet! Uff Da! I heard dat dey can see Norway from up dere. You betcha!
  24. Dave The Dastardly
    I like those pretty boobies!
  25. Dave The Dastardly
    Been through Ames many a time. You know, because it's in the middle. If it was at the end I wouldn't go "through" it. It's a nice place to go through, just like my home town is a nice place to be from. They both look good in the rearview mirror; one says you're on the road to greener pastures and the other says you're not there yet.
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