Dave The Dastardly
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Everything posted by Dave The Dastardly
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Word on the street is that Earl has been skinned and is being made into a couple dozen pairs of baseball spikes. Teeth are being strung into a necklace for The Turtle. Seemed appropriate.
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Neal: Twins Radio Broadcast Team Will Not Travel
Dave The Dastardly replied to Seth Stohs's topic in Minnesota Twins Talk
Oh yeah. That's why we're supposed to drink bleach and/or inject Lysol, right? Gotta wonder if MLB is going to swap out gatorade for Chlorox in the dugout... Forgive the sarcasm, but I'm going to be damned surprised if this truncated season goes beyond a couple of weeks what with all the virus outbreaks we're seeing right now. Much as I enjoy baseball I think both the sport, the fans and the players will be better off if we write this season off and instead focus efforts on making damn sure we've got all the angles worked out for a full, safe, nearly-normal season in 2021. Better that than screwing the pooch on what's left of 2020 and all of 2021. But I sure would like to be surprised... -
Neal: Twins Radio Broadcast Team Will Not Travel
Dave The Dastardly replied to Seth Stohs's topic in Minnesota Twins Talk
30 minutes of sun is a cure? I hadn't heard that. My son who lives south of Phoenix told me they've had nothing but sun, yet folks down there are filling up the ICU with coronavirus cases. So if the Arizona governor orders all AC to be shut off for 30 minutes every day and all citizens must go outside for the full 30 minutes there would soon be no more virus? -
Make the statue out of silly putty so it can bounce right back up. Give everybody a chance to blow off steam.
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Maybe have the troopers slash the tires on all vehicles with Wisconsin license parked nearby instead of doing nothing? Call it stimulus for local tow trucks and tire dealers.
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Hilarious! I coached basketball for 17 years. Got talked into refereeing once. The big difference was I went from having 50% of the fans calling me an idiot to 100% of the fans calling me the same thing and worse. Hats off to the guys and gals who have the dedication and courage to officiate any sport. There'd be no games without you.
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Wait... what? Real people actually watch a fake reality show? Please Lord, bring back baseball before we all go crazy.
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Desperate Twins Fan Turns to NASCAR
Dave The Dastardly replied to RandBalls Stu's topic in Twins Daily Front Page News
NASCAR fans don't watch golf... they can't hear the announcers. I tried watching golf once. Thought I died. No really. One minute I was there on the couch, eyes glued to the TV, and the next minute I was gone; dead to the world. NASCAR saved me, brought me back to life when my son changed the channel. I don't know, maybe I wasn't dead. Don't remember seeing a light... but the wife says I never have seen the light, so there's that. But I suspect I'm a zombie now, what with no baseball. -
I thought about pottery... briefly. But the thought of sticking my fingers into something wet and slimy reminded me of changing diapers... not mine, my kids when they were babies. So I thought about painting instead, but that reminded me of college and the mandatory art class I couldn't escape. I hoped for a naked model to paint but got a flower vase instead. Reminded me of this year's baseball season; high expectations, among other things, that rapidly wilted. Just like my GPA. So I decided to take the high road. Stocked up on booze and snackies. Let the chips fall where they may.
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I heard the kid's been invited to speak at the next White House coronavirus update.
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Pessimism - Minnesota sports fans perpetual state of mind. Synonym - is it cold enough for ya?
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It's difficult for someone who has never suffered a serious ankle injury just how debilitating they can be; mentally as well as physically. As a former high school basketball, volleyball, track and football coach back in the days when head coaches were required to know something about human anatomy, kinesiology and treating sports injuries I taped many a sprained ankle. The thing is just about every athletic move you make, running, jumping, starting, stopping, swinging a bat, stooping to field a ball, requires putting stress on the ankles. And if an ankle has been injured, it hurts every time you make a move, sometimes for weeks after "recovery". After awhile you unconsciously start putting a little more weight on your good ankle and less on the injured ankle and that disrupts your balance, your footwork and your timing and your performance dips. And that affects you mentally because you're off your game and in the back of your mind you're constantly worried you're going to tweak the same injured ankle. That's when a head coach has to become a "head" coach. The point I'm trying to make in my usual roundabout manner is that I can readily buy into the theory that Eddie's ankle injury was the cause for his performance drop-off last season but if the Twins training staff has worked on "head" coaching as well as rehabilitating the injury I think we will see a rejuvenated Eddie in 2020.
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Beer snobs... who'd a thunk it. Any stadium, any beer and a bag of salted-in-the-shell peanuts. I have no pride.
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Twins 2020 Position Analysis: First Base
Dave The Dastardly replied to Nick Nelson's topic in Twins Daily Front Page News
"interstitial" - had to look that up. Proving once again that TD is an educational site. -
Maybe he's just tendontive.
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I see dead people. Well, not really. I think they're zombie baseball fans waiting for the season to get underway. Then they'll come back to life. Sort of.
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Taking a wild guess here... you haven't been a TD member for very long. I know for a fact that I've written dumber posts... and they were well-received. Stupid is as stupid does. Run Forrest!
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Russians will broadcast game on Facebook. Is rumor...
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A warp in the space-time continuum?
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Statistically it's 63.9%. 36.1% are able to attend spring training in Florida and therefore tend to be optimistic, especially after an evening at Kelsey's Bar and Massage. The Spring Training Buzz, it's professional term, however tends to dissipate upon returning to Minnesota at a rate inversely proportional to the depth of ice dams remaining on the roof.
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I rest my case.
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Is there a prize for being ranked Number One? Like a 1 run handicap, or a year's supply of juiced balls? Desperate times these.
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I'm old enough to remember a time when cool headedness, gracious sportsmanship and civility were admired traits. Now trash-talking, belligerent temperaments, name-calling and boorish behavior have filtered upwards through our society. Sad.
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Twins fans, with little baseball news in the gristmill, are obviously starving for information.
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What we need is a baseball "reality" show. Maybe have Gardy go on Undercover Boss, you know that show where the stupid folks can't figure out the guy in the cartoon disguise being followed around by a camera crew and a sound guy dangling a microphone over their heads isn't a "real" person? Maybe have a scene with Terry Ryan digging through a dumpster or visiting a retirement home, searching for the next great Twins player with Gardy making caustic comments in the foreground. In the finale they could have Nick Punto throw off the drool-smeared robe disguise, flip out of the wheelchair and snag a baseball thrown by the backup camera guy right out of the air. I might even watch that... if they can find a slot between all those Chicago shows. You know, right after Chicago Garbage.
