Pardon My Dinger

Wicked flow alert: Robbie ross has entered the game.

Well, I was feeling bad about hijacking Van's "Who Will Win the World Series" poll/thread. So, here we go. I've seen three of the four games so far, and I am reminded that good baseball teams are fun to watch. Golldangit. Stupid Boston, Toronto, Cleveland, Dallas, Washington, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago, and to a lesser extent Baltimore and New York! Why do they have all the luck? I am almost certainly not authorized to post Game Threads without a thumbs-up from the Mod Squad, but I'm feeling saucy today. Here are some cities to think about: 1. Boston When I think of Boston, I think of one of my very favorite all-time television shows: Cheers. I love Cheers for the same reason that most people probably do: you really start to feel like these guys are your pals. It makes you feel like a fly on the wall in a friendly neighborhood pub. It’s a nice feeling. However, if I really think about it, I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with these people in real life. I mean, let’s go down the list. Sam is a manipulative sex criminal. Carla has borderline personality disorder. Cliff is a know-nothing know-it-all who looks like his breath stinks and he never shuts his damn mouth. Ever. Dianne is a pompous flake. Norm is a wife-hating slacker. I mean, I could go on. And don’t get me started on the substance abuse. Let’s look at it this way: if you start going to Thanksgiving with your bartender, it may be time to put the cork in the ole bottle. Great show, though. 2. Cleveland A lot of people forget (or seem to have never known) that ‘Drew Carey’ isn’t Drew Carey’s real name. His given name is ‘Milo,’ but he changed it to ‘Drew’ after he went to college. Let’s see…what else? I’ve heard it rocks there, though I’ve never seen any evidence of that personally. Their river started on fire. So, that’s something. Oh yeah, they also have a pretty good baseball team with a damn fine manager. I’m truly scared, though, that the Indians and the Cavs may win championships in the same year. Yes, scared, because I am not ready for the world to end. 3. Dallas Did we ever find out who shot JR? 4. Toronto I hear that guy who threw the beer at the game on Tuesday is being charged with ‘Mischief.’ Mischief? I hope he gets the spanking of a life time. 5. Washington I hate having a state and a city with the same name. It’s not working out for me. Somebody ought to tell those fat cats in Washington “DC” that someone’s going to have to compromise if this country’s ever gonna be “great” again. I guess it’s a matter of which came first. Who knows? Kind of a chicken-or-the-egg type thing. Those questions are hard. Here’s an easy one: Q: What weighs more: a pound of bricks or a pound of feathers? A: The bricks, duh. Moving on. 6. Los Angeles I’ve been listening to a lot of Bush lately. Do not ask me why. It doesn’t make any sense to me either. They were my first favorite band, I guess. I was 7 and I probably assumed Machinehead was about robots or something. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. In my experience, most Englishman are wont to pronounce Los Angeles as Los Angel-eeze. I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am. So, in the first verse to the song Everything Zen (a banger, by the way), Gavin Rossdale seems to purposely not rhyme ‘something we can eat’ with ‘Los Angel-eeze,’ instead opting to go with the Americanized ‘Los Angel-ess.’ Get your head in the game, Gavin! It would have been so easy. Things like this just drive me nuts. Makes me want to drive all the way down to Los Angeleeze and punch him right in his beautiful face. 7. San Francisco I lived in the City for a spell (that’s what they call it: the City – see, that’s how you know I’ve been there). People there are 1) almost all from Minnesota somehow, and 2) constantly excited about everything. It’s a little much. 8. Chicago Oh man. Can we talk about these Cubs? Something silly is going to happen to this team. Something has to, right? I admit that I'm beating a very very long-dead horse, but it’s a tradition. One thing’s for sure, though. If they do win, it will be an emotional day in the Windy City. A sea of Blue and Red. People laughing, screaming, hugging and crying tears of ecstasy…all wishing they had actually been paying attention for the last 108 years. ...Because they’re bandwagon, get it? Anyhoo, I'll be tuned in, so I hope you will join me in this thread to pass time and crack wise until T-Wolves season. Now, on with the chlorophyll…

Maybe--just maybe--he's mainly beating up on crap teams/pitchers?

Hey - did anyone else not know that James Woods does color commentary on TBS?

No, I meant real ones.

As in, go ahead and try to think of one because I sure don't think it happens more than once in a blue moon.

Hall of fame players who have made good coaches: go.

Get. Out.

Damnit, Van! I was just going to say that.

I would like to know if it's too late to nominate one more candidate.

This is not a God-fearing man. Find the other glove, and you may have your answer.

Because of that glove? Yeah.

I have no problem generalizing about Jays fans. The way I see it, even if it is one bad apple that spoils the whole bunch, in the end you're still left with a bunch of crap apples.

That was absolutely unreal.

What really got my goat wasn't the thrown beer. That happens. There are idiots everywhere. It was the entire stadium booing showalter and Jones afterward. Go blackbirds.

Well. Pretty hard to root for the Jays right now...

Should probably be Trout, but will probably be Altuve, although I'd like for it to be Betts.

Rangers vs. Giants. The even year bandits prevail.

That was classic. A little disappointed that neither of the kicked balls in left field made it in.

I have a Puckett jersey. I had a Nishioka Shirsey. I am what doctors call 'a little slow.'

I hate to be controversial, but can the Twins afford not to release Mauer? Think about that!

Super psyched. Season can't start soon enough. But, lesson learned from the 2016 twin: I think we should temper our expectations, have fun, and trust the process.

i love thank the fans weekend. Only thing I like more is apologize to the fans weekend. When is that? Coming up? Must be.

That wild pitch out was the best thing I've seen all year. You'd be crazy to call that a low-point.

1. 2. 2. I don't think there's a lot left to talk about. How bout...8? 3. Another bad acid trip of a game. It will take 2 hours and 14 minutes, though it will feel like like weeks and we will seem as though we are trapped in a timeless state of being that we may never crawl out of. Or, the safer bet: 9 innings. 4. Does not compute. 5. 1. When Mollie does the old steal the bag on his way to the dugout routine. 6. David Ortiz.