Five Injured in Pile-Up Begun by Runaway Twins Bandwagon

The recent turnaround to the Twins’ season is turning heads, not only from their fans, but from the rubber-neckers passing by the site of a recent crash involving the team’s bandwagon.

“There were just so many people jumping on that thing now that the club has found their groove,” said one of the longtime riders who was ejected from the vehicle upon contact. “I don’t think the new riders understand that this thing ain’t got no brakes.”

The jalopy was sparsely-ridden for much of the 2025 season, as the Twins struggled to find their offensive stroke. But with the club riding a heater in recent weeks, a sizable number of fair-weather fans have taken to jumping on the bandwagon while they still can. 

“I don’t think it’s fair to call me a fair-weather fan, I’m a lifelong fan who simply chooses to drop my fandom when the team isn’t making me immediately happy,” said Twitter user VikingsLover10251985 (whose birthday definitely isn’t October 25th, 1985). “Also, I only want to be a fan when the weather is nicer. That doesn’t mean I'm fair-weather!” 

He's just one of a slew of casuals who have been piling onto the Twins bandwagon for the last week or so, when the offense started showing enough consistency to pull the club into a winning record. The team finally seems to be living up to the pre-season expectation that was set for them: to compete for another division crown.

Things were running smoothly, until the driver of the bandwagon became distracted, and the momentum of such a full transport caused the whole vehicle to crash into a line of parked cars along Hennepin Avenue.

That driver was Twins Daily’s own Greggory Masterson, who was distracted by a pedestrian he believed to be his favorite actress, Salma Hayek.

“Look, I know I should take some ownership of this, but I’m not the one who decided to jump on this bucket of bolts once it was already set in motion,” said Masterson, as he kept looking around for the breathtaking pedestrian. “And please don’t tell my wife what happened. Tell her I only crashed trying to save a local kitten orphanage or something. I don’t know. Make something up.”

It does not appear that any of the injured passengers will require much medical treatment, but if the Twins return to their losing ways, look for many of them to start complaining almost immediately.