Pennant Race Coping Mechanisms for the Average Fan

Here, then, are a few helpful tips to make it through to October.

• Get a dog. Rex needs to go out. You need to clear your head when the starter goes 3 2/3 innings. Take him for a good long walk. Don’t check Gameday on your phone. Take in the evening. When you get back, maybe things will be better. If they’re not, hey, you got some cardio and saved yourself some needless stress.
  

• Don’t argue with JasonJ56983092. JasonJ56983092 is in your mentions saying that Berrios is a bum and Jake Cave is better in the long term than Byron Buxton. You may have an excellent zinger at the ready, but just…don’t. He doesn’t even have an avatar. His only other tweets are to adult film stars. Be better than JasonJ56983092. Mute him and let him scream into the void if that helps.
  

• Check in on Cleveland fans. Chances are, even after their amazing run to get back into the race, they have neurotic fans melting down at a bad inning or a close pitch called incorrectly. They haven’t won a World Series since roughly the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire. Watch them lose their minds instead. Schadenfreude is a powerful drug.
  

• Move. I’m in the process of selling my house and getting ready to move with my family to a new city. It’s incredibly stressful and keeps your mind focused on 87 other things that aren't the Minnesota Twins. Get into the minutiae of purchase agreements and you’ll find you have relatively little time to worry about how much the Giants knew about Sam Dyson’s health prior to the trade.
  

• Remember 2016. The Twins won 59 games. They were the worst team in baseball. Nobody cared about anything. Gleeman and the Geek spent all August talking about Aaron’s youth basketball stats. Anything is better than that.
  

Follow any/all of these five steps to healthier, happier you. Until Max Kepler and Taylor Rogers get hurt. Then I’ve got nothing.