New City Connect Jerseys Ignite Latest TC Bear Rampage

The Minnesota Twins rolled out their 2024 City Connect jerseys this week, to generally positive reviews. The multiple shades of blue with some yellow and subtle pink accents were certainly a departure from the team’s traditional red-and-blue mix.

One negative review came from an unlikely source: TC Bear, the team’s animal/human hybrid mascot, who went on a hate-fueled rampage, leaving dozens mauled and injured.

A police source says that when the uniforms were delivered to the team clubhouse, the mere sight triggered what some are calling “bloodlust” in the pretend bear, as he began clawing and clubbing anything and anyone nearby.

“I don’t know if it was the colors or the design, but something about the uniforms clearly set TC off,” said the source. “It’s remarkable that no one was more seriously hurt.”

TC Bear’s ire seemed trained itself on local media, who were in the clubhouse at the time for the reveal and to gather player reactions.

“His eyes went almost completely black, like a doll’s eyes,” said a source on the team’s training staff. “But he seemed laser-focused on going after the beat writers, rather than the players.”

“He eyed up Willi Castro pretty good, but when he saw (MLB.com’s) Do-Hyoung Park taking notes next to him, he was just a blur,” said a member of the coaching staff. “TC picked Do up and threw him like a javelin.”

Despite the journalist-shaped impact crater, Park escaped serious injury.

“I was on Jeopardy!,” said the sportswriter. “Twice.”

TC continued mauling his way through the interior of Target Field before lumbering out of the park and into the North Loop neighborhood, where he was finally sedated with the help of an unlikely hero.

“The fake man-bear was on the back patio of Cuzzy’s throwing some bros from Target corporate around like rag dolls,” said an eyewitness. “Then (The Athletic’s) Aaron Gleeman approached him and put his neck fan over TC’s shoulders. I could hear him say, ‘Sleep, friend. Sleep.’ He was out like a light, just like that.

“There is no greater friend to wildlife or humankind than Aaron Gleeman.”

TC is being held in a dimly lit Roseville warehouse for further observation from a team of mysterious doctors. The Twins will debut their City Connect jerseys tonight versus Oakland.

Image license here.