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Bert Blyleven emerges from Minnesota Twins moving truck in Fort Myers dazed and dehydrated


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-SHTICKBALL-

~ A Satirical Story ~

 

Spring Training is almost upon us, and teams are invigorating their already football-deprived fanbases with images and videos of their team trucks loading up and heading for warmer climates to start the baseball season, and with that they’re packing up everything the team needs.

 

For the Minnesota Twins, one stowaway on the move truck was welcome, but also perplexing at the same time. Hall of Fame pitcher Bert Blyleven was spotted stumbling out of the Twin’s move truck upon its arrival in Fort Myers, Florida, apparently having spent the entire journey packed up along with pitching machines, batting helmets and Joe Mauer’s ‘napping chair’.

 

“I don’t know how he got in there, and if I remember right, he already lives in Florida, which just raises further questions.” An unpaid intern of the Twins was quoted while unloading on the trucks. “I mean, I know he’s a little weird, but I don’t even know how he survived the trip. Probably snacked off leftovers from inside the T.C. Bear costumes.”

 

Blyleven could be seen roaming the Hammond Stadium complex throughout the day, muttering phrases like “Pitch to contact” and “…at the major league level.” Occasionally he would shout something about complete games but apparently did not harm anyone during the unpacking.

 

“Yeah, I don’t know what he was doing in there, maybe he found some good yayo in there or something.” Twins Manager Paul Molitor said with a hearty laugh. “I mean, I know I would, you know what nevermind, I hope Bert is alright, he’s a great guy.”

 

Blyleven has no history of any kind of diagnosis of a mental illness or dementia, but has been known throughout his career as a player and a broadcaster as being an odd duck at times, and this incident just furthers the stigma. It’s been theorized Blyleven may have been looking for his beloved telestrator to circle fans with at the time of the truck’s departure, but the situation is unclear.

 

At this time, Blyleven is being checked out by the Twins training staff, but will likely be told that he just needs to “rub some dirt on that dizziness” or “keep pitching through the pain”. Blyleven’s immediate future with the team as a color commentator is not in jeopardy at this time, but several fans are signing an online petition to encourage him to rest and get better, as long as it takes, even if it takes until roughly late September.

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Oldgoat_MN

Posted

...

Blyleven has no history of any kind of diagnosis of a mental illness or dementia,...

 

To be fair, he's never been tested for such.

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