Vanimal46

I don't know anything about Phil Hughes as a person or a teammate. I just don't like watching a broken player attempt to pitch for my favorite team. And he's been broken for the last 3 years.

It's also flabbergasting that Grossman appears so high in the batting order every game.

Sano with a much needed day off today.

Bard was cut by the Angels... So he may be an ex-Twin for just a few more days.

We certainly need that today... Crazier things have happened.

http://thepoliticalcarnival.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/jim-lange-dating-game.jpg ANNND Welcome back! To Minnesota Twins Whine Line: The Dating Game Edition! That game wasn't very fun yesterday! I'm going to tell you a little white lie... Things will be better today! It's the last game of the series in the TropiDome between our Twins and Tampa near a Bay. Before we find the next pitcher to love, let's talk weather and lineups. Intern, take it away! Van, don't you remember from yesterday that they play in a dome? We don't have to worry about weather! Oh yeah... Minnesota Twins (8-7): P - Phil Hughes -- If you can't say something nice about a person don't say anything at all. So here's my recap of Hughes: ... Tampa near a Bay Rays (7-13): P - Yonny Chirinos (R ) - They're going with a 'bullpen game' in April. Now I've seen everything. Alright! Enough baseball talk!! As you may know, your host has been dating to find the next Miss Vanimal... I'm ALSO looking for another pitcher besides Jose Berrios to love! I can't think of a better way to find a pitcher than playing 'The Dating Game!' Without further ado, let's pass the mic to our next host, Jim Lange! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85t-xAv9xn0 Thanks Van, and welcome to the show! Van is looking for love, and we have 3 eligible bachelor pitchers that can fit the bill... Let's introduce them now! Good luck gentlemen. A former hot dog eating contest champion in Marion County, Indiana. Bachelor A also enjoys throwing lots of fastballs, sometimes for strikes! In addition to enjoying cocktails, he also spends time picking up pennies from fountains at parks around the city... Lance! Good luck bud. Our next contestant is constantly smelling baseballs. Not because he enjoys the scent, but for superstition. In his spare time he enjoys moving his fingers gingerly so he can throw a slider again... Ervin! Good luck sir. Finally, our last bachelor is currently spending time in Rochester, NY throwing lasers by players. In his spare time he enjoys the fine art of staring into nothing... Fernando! Good luck everyone. Van: Bachelor A, how are you going to make me a happy fan? Lance: Well, I'll throw lots of fastballs! If you want to see a curve ball you're not going to see it often! I want to go FAST. Van: Yeah... I get that. But will they be strikes? Lance: At least 45% of the time! Van: I'm needing more than 45% in my future pitcher love... Sorry Lance, you're out. Jim: Too bad Lance. There's complimentary hot dogs backstage if you want some. Van: Bachelor B, you've been quite loveable before... How do you feel now? Can I love you again? Erv: I think so! Look at this peace sign I can do to you! Van: That's with your left hand... What about your pitching hand? Erv: How do you KNOW I'm right handed? And why does that matter? I'm coming back very soon! Van: Are you sure? Erv: Suuuure... You know, once I can throw, have an extended rehab session, and beat father time again. Van: Not very promising, Jim. Let's move on. Jim: You heard the man. Get off the stage! That only leaves Bachelor C... Let's hope this works. Van: Bachelor C, I don't know much about you. What's a unique fact that I can tell all of my friends and family about you? Fernando: I love sunrises. It's the beginning of every day, and I don't know... It's just really nice and beautiful. I also throw 95 MPH. Van: I love it! Sunrises make me smile too. I want to love you... Will you love me? Fernando: If that helps me get called up over Gibson and Hughes, then yes. Van: I'm head over heels! Jim: What are these 2 crazy kids going to get into? We'll never know because we don't follow up on the dates we arrange! They look pretty happy right now though, don't they? And that will do it for our show today... Let's try to win a game Twins!

Too bad I didn't bring a ring!

That one worked out... For a few months. But irreconcilable differences (her not wanting kids) killed the relationship.

2nd date tonight with the hopeful next Miss Vanimal! For those keeping track, my friends wanted me to hook up with her about 3 Miss Vanimals ago. Cross fingers!

Grossman at cleanup. Oh boy!

Moar Grossman in the OF. Oh boy!

They just scored 8 runs yesterday. Pretty good for a high A lineup I guess?

They'll probably need a long guy on Sunday with Hughes starting...

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4tf788ILv1r4skvr.gif ANNND Welcome! To Minnesota Twins Whine Line: News at 6 Edition! I am your host and lead anchor for the next 2 days, Vanimal. We also have our trusty companion, Chief Meteorologist Intern! We have ourselves a BARN BURNER match up this weekend against Tampa near a Bay! Before we get into the HARD HITTING news stories of the day, let's talk lineups and weather.... Intern, err, I mean Chief Meteorologist Intern, take it away! Van... They're playing in a dome today. Who cares about the weather? GOOD POINT! That's why you're the chief meteorologist today... Minnesota Twins (8-6): P - Kyle Gibson (R ) - 77 overall in MLB the Show! Tampa near a Bay Rays (6-13): P - Blake Snell (L) - He's won his last 2 starts... With 12 IP 19 K's and 2 ER ANND welcome to "Florida News" -- we appreciate you choosing us as your primary source for all things FLORIDA. If you're new to the show, anytime you hear a story starting with "A Florida man..." You know you're in for something WEIRD. We're no different at the Whine Line Studios! So let's think about Florida news, and remember why you shouldn't live there! Our top story tonight... Has your car been punched recently at the grocery store? Police were able to arrest a Florida Man after finding him in his birthday suit punching cars... According to police, the Florida man only had 'one beer' and was charged with disorderly public intoxication. In other news, have YOU received a spam call offering fake travel deals?! The Intern was duped by a Florida Man who was charged with making nearly 100 million of these calls to people around the US! The Florida man denied these allegations in court recently, in an effort to drop the FCC's fine of $120 million. Good luck, Florida Man... And never call me again!! In our DEVELOPING story, can cocaine fly? It turns out a Florida woman believes so, because she has NO IDEA how a bag of cocaine ended up in her purse. In fairness, it was a windy day when she was pulled over by police... The Intern will be conducting a full analysis at 10 to find out if drugs can indeed fly through the wind... Tune in tonight!* *Drugs are bad, mmmkay? Don't do drugs kiddos! Finally, let's check in with Chief in sports! He went to the STREETS, and found a Florida woman who was ready to steal the show... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HVQ160TF5U And that concludes our broadcast this evening. Thank you for choosing FLORIDA NEWS as your primary source for all things Florida. We'll see you back at 10, and GET A WIN TWINS!

4 appearances - 11 IP - 0.00 ERA - 14/1 K/BB - 3 hits allowed Call him up for Kinley or Hildenberger.

No excuse not to touch the bag there... Brutal way to lose.

Probably true. Which makes me want to cry.

Jinx!

You know how I said rest now, sweet prince? Well.... Hopefully you didn't put your teeth in the glass just yet!

Dick, you realize you called games in the MetroDome for 20 odd years with EXACTLY those kind of bounces?

The experience... Sigh.

Dennys Reyes

Henry Blanco