LaBombo

As long as it wasn't Rick Anderson...

The almost comeback. Even in yet another year where my investment in wins and losses is pretty low, none of the analogies that spring to mind are likely to meet TD posting standards.

The can was ugly, the taste was bad, and it still came in cans that needed an opener even after push tabs replaced pull tabs. It's almost as if they knew it was bad and were trying to warn people away.

Some day soon I'm hoping to see a thread with a discussion of a new reality show whose premier features a biathlon of competitive eating and sumo wrestling (in that order) between Ponson and Livan Hernandez.

My parents basically cured me of the want of soda for life by buying only generic Holiday gas station stuff.

Sensing a Jim Abbott joke coming on...

That's kind of like when you're completely full at OC Buffet and starting to think about laying down on the floor with your sweat pants untied, and somebody at your table shows up with the most tempting dessert ever, which you missed but now will make the whole experience seem like a mistake.

Burns: "You! Strawberry! Hit a home run!". Strawberry hits a homer. Burns: "I told him to that!" Smithers: "Brilliant strategy, sir."

That actually works if you think of it as distinct from him being credited with a Win. Somewhere you can probably see what the team's record is when he starts games. Not going to look though, because as noted earlier, lazy, but even more so because I fear that looking it up might take away my last hope that there's a way the Twins get value from his contract.

You're probably right, but then there's my weird ability to sometimes be able to Tom Sawyer kids into getting fired up about doing boring, repetitive tasks. Not always, but a thing of beauty when it works. Aaand Bremer with yet another cry of wolf on a can o'corn.

Yup. His tail is completely off for the night, I think.

Net take one buck after paying a bored 6 year old in your row a dollar to do the actual scratching off.

It's possible. He almost smoked Ahmad Rashad with a shanked tee shot the other day. Maybe he hit Nolasco in the right elbow and there's a media coverup conspiracy. I'll check with my uncle. He's the one who broke the story that we never went to the moon.

He's pitching terribly, and therefore not healthy. It's just that he doesn't know it yet.

Was going to make a joke about this but the effort seems a little much. In other words, I've got that beat...

Even the other team's OF's converging on each at high speed has me wincing due to the mental image of the replay of the Buxton/Kvasnicka collision.

Toasting. Of course! That's how you make the bread crunchy, not leaving it sit out uncovered. Can't wait to get some unmoldy bread to try that.

Looks like he either put on some weight or has started wearing kevlar to give some protection from those line drive comebackers he's giving up in every third at bat.

Way to come through in the clutch, Wil... Oh, crap. Never mind.

Wow, it's like the Royals just suddenly remembered they're the Royals.

It's all good. Everyone can relate to waiting to be crawled on. Great concept, and in passing, one of my best, uhhh... 'browsing' 'hits' was not with a 'trusted site'. 'Not braggin', just sayin'.

There are other names that represent predictably low return on investment over that span. Some were free agents, some were home-grown players unwisely retained, and some were players acquired in trade. Tony Batista, Sidney Ponson, Bret Boone, Joe Mays, Phil Nevin, Jose Offerman, Ruben Sierra... None of them were back-breakers by themselves, with the possible exception of Mays and his seven million dollar stink bomb, but a half million here, a million there, three mill for Ortiz, and pretty soon we're talking about some real money, especially when adjusted for nearly a decade of league salary inflation. Every GM whiffs sometimes, and in fairness to Ryan, he was gambling on risky veterans to fill holes around a young core with a fixed payroll/team control/contention window. Some of it took place before the stadium deal promised higher future revenue and (sort of) corresponding payroll increase, creating both future payroll uncertainty and a need to generate good PR with winning seasons and a public perception of a franchise willing to spend. That being said... well, looking back at some of the players TR acquired or retained in that period and the tiny return on investment they provided makes me do the Joe Nathan lip flap and wonder what might have been. Ryan is still a good GM and deserves credit for some excellent moves like the AJ and Shannon Stewart trades, the Hughes signing, and several under-the-radar sell-offs like the ones he made this season. But to me, at least, his ideal role (and Gardenhire's) with the Twins would not be as a manager in the future, but as a C-cubed (consultant/consigliere/centurion) adviser not ultimately controlling the future of the franchise. If the alternative is Rob Antony, however, some of my redundant and/or low-priority organs might be made available to Mr. Ryan if his reason for stepping down has to do with personal health.

That looks to me like an insightful, excellent comparison. Which is what makes it that much more discouraging. Like Mauer, Griffey finished his age-30 season as an elite (but much more powerful) left-handed hitter who also happened to play excellent defense at a key defensive position. In other words, he was more or less the CF version of Mauer's 2009 season. For a decade. Then Kenny G Jr. turned 31, and, relative to his previous HoF decade, fell off the face of the earth. He had at least 600 and often closer to 700 PA's throughout the 90's. He managed 600 PA's once more the next decade. His defensive value went from being a big plus to a big minus. A massive chunk of his offensive value disappeared. And his overall value as measured by WAR went from the 7-ish per year, automatic All Star we remember from the 90's, to a fraction above replacement value for the next decade. There are differences to be sure, and the sometimes TJ-like recovery arc from concussions alone can delay the return to the full potential of a player. That being said, it's difficult to imagine a more depressing comp/cautionary tale for Mauer than the KGJR saga.

So less chance of injury?

You'll be fine if it 's Total Ellipse of the Heart. Every now and then you might get a little bit tired of the sound of your tears. That's normal. Also, you might experience restlessness, nervousness, and a little bit angry/terrified/'random self-effacing emotion/ and a sense of falling apart every now and then. But see the look in the Twins' eyes. They need you now tonight. More than ever.