Season Ticket Holders On Tap to Manage Apartment Building with Bert Blyleven

The 2024 Twins Pass went on sale Thursday, allowing fans standing room access to every Twins home game (minus the opener) for $59/month. For the first time, this fan-favorite deal also included a $20/month upgrade called Twins Pass Plus. Purchasers get all the benefits of the basic deal, with the added benefit of helping former Twin and Hall of Famer Bert Blyleven manage the Evergreen Arms apartment complex in Mounds View.

“Two of the greatest thrills in life are Twins baseball and suburban property management,” said a front office source. “Getting to experience both with a legend like Bert? It’s the kind of hands-on experience real fans will want to be a part of.”

Ticketholders will be able to help Bert deep clean carpets, fix appliances, collect overdue rent, and perform other light maintenance.

“Lots of homeowners want to develop their do-it-yourself skills, rather than paying a so-called expert to fix something,” said the source. “What better way to learn how you can snake out a hopelessly clogged toilet than with two-time World Champion Bert Blyleven? He might have been the one who clogged it! Except replace ‘might have been’ with ‘absolutely was.’”

Some fans are skeptical.

“Why would I want to do that,” said Laney Greenway, 51, of Savage.

“Where’s Mounds View,” said Pete Sorney, 35, of Osseo. “Is it a real city, or one of those like Andover where everyone says it’s real, but no one can tell you where it is on a map because it’s a deep state psy-op?  The people have a right to know. What was your question?”

So far, sources in the season ticket office say no one has purchased the upgrade.

“It’s still early,” said a season ticket representative with knowledge of the situation. “The announcement just came out, there’s a lot of stuff going on in town this weekend, and…”

The rep paused, looked around to make sure there was no one else listening, and continued.

“And let’s say when we had all that TV money, we bought a bunch of property to flip, only we didn’t pay attention to what we were buying, and this is just one of the places that desperately needs fixing up, only now we’re out of money. Let’s just say that. And let’s just say if none of these so-called fans ponies up, we’re just going to make it part of the $59 level, and everyone’s going to spend their nights and weekends answering noise complaints.”