Disappointed Blogger Forced To Return Bootleg Twins Roki Sasaki Jersey

Lou Hennessy · January 26, 2025

With the Japanese phenom selecting the Los Angeles Dodgers as his next club, one Twins blogger was left with a superfluous, yet hilarious, bit of custom team merch.

Image courtesy of Purple Wolf Graphics

It was always a longshot for Minnesota to become the new home for 23-year-old phenom Roki Sasaki, but a local Twins blogger is now feeling the full weight of yet another dream lost to the dreaded Los Angeles Dodgers.

The premier international free agent announced his new club last weekend, and proceeded to agree to terms shortly after. Not only was Sasaki highly sought after for his combination of raw talent and prime years remaining, but he is only going to cost his new team $6.5 million in international spending money. This would have been a way for small market clubs to sidestep any tricky payroll considerations that would naturally hinder their ability to afford other star caliber free agents.

Enter the Minnesota Twins and their least likeable local blogger.

“I really thought they’d have a chance to get Roki based on his price tag, but I guess even he was too expensive for those penny-grabbing sons of - - - “ shouted Greggory Masterson as he was wheeled away by a disgruntled staff person from his retirement community. “Now what am I going to do with this piece of junk?”

Masterson decided to pull the trigger on a custom-made Twins City Connect jersey with Sasaki’s name donned across the back. He figured it would be a manifestation of sorts, but in reality, it ended up being a waste.
If there’s any silver lining to the squandered purchase, it’s the fact that the crotchety old coot only spent about $17.51 on the practically see-through bootleg due to the jersey’s questionable source.

“Sure, it’s not of the highest quality, but neither are you,” Masterson said while setting his DVR to record the Matlock marathon starting later tonight. “And the crooked letters really represent the unbalanced nature of being a Minnesota sports fan.”

For the time being, the Sasaki jersey will have to sit in a collection of other jersey’s that Masterson bought too soon before ultimately regretting the purchase. This includes a classic Cliff Lee home white with pinstripes (the pinstripes are dark green), a Zack Wheeler in the baby blues (missing the underline under Twins) and the fabled Shohei Ohtani in the road grays (accidentally spelled Minnesota across the chest). Eventually, he will be forced to return these chintzy uniforms in return for a small portion of his dignity.

The real question is, has Masterson finally learned his lesson?

“Don’t get it twisted, I already have my eyes on a Vladimir Guerrero, Jr. jersey in the Twin Cities cream design for next offseason,” Masterson said before taking his dentures out as he laid down for bed at 7:30 PM. “Sorry I have a dreamer’s heart.”

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