Brad Swanson

I was pretty tired of roto too, but we subbed Wins out for K/BB ratio and batting average out for OBP and that helped a lot.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! Hello Twins Daily! I am continuing my journey through the last 25 Minnesota Twins drafts. As promised, I will not post each here, as I don't want to create any clutter. If you are interested in previous entries, you can find them here: 1988 1989 There! Here's 1990: The 1989 draft produced one of the biggest names of the Twins' last quarter-century, in Chuck Knoblauch. How could the 1990 draft compete with that? Well, maybe the Twins didn't want that! Perhaps they didn't care about the 1990 draft after the success of the 1989 draft. Yeah. So, here's some stuff about this "nothing to prove" draft from 1990. 1st Round Picks The Twins had two this year! They had a second first rounder as compensation for losing Jeff Reardon in free agency. Twice as nice! Well. The Twins drafted Todd Ritchie and Midre Cummings. Yep. Ah, but don't worry, the Twins had two second round picks in 1990 as well. They also got a second-round pick for losing Reardon. Wow, Jeff Reardon is the gift that keeps on giving. The Twins used their seconds on Jayhawk Owens and Ron Caridad. Let's just move on. Ah, but what if? What if the Twins had drafted a post? Could the post have fared better? More seriously, Mike Mussina went 24th overall, some twelve picks past Ritchie. The Twins wanted a right-handed starter, but they got the wrong one. Luckily, no one has ever heard of Mike Mussina. Wait. Best Player Drafted The Twins drafted "Everyday" Eddie Guardado in the 21st round. Guardado was both effective and popular. Those are not words one would use to describe Todd Ritchie, or Jayhawk Owens for that matter. Guardado went on to have a very long and fun career. Worst Player to Reach MLB The Twins drafted Brent Brede in the 5th round. He posted a robust -1.7 WAR in about 170 games. This draft is depressing. The One Who Got Away No one. The Twins didn't even draft and not sign a good player this year. No one. Best Name Chris Gump in the 47th round. Little known fact - Forrest Gump's cousin. Fun Facts It wasn't all bad. The Twins did draft Rich Becker and Pat Meares in 1990. We've heard of them. In fact, the Twins' first five picks had a lower combined career WAR than Becker. 3rd Round pick Jamie Ogden went to White Bear Lake High School. This means that Ogden was a Bear and might explain his lack of big league success. He was a bear. Bears have massive paws and cannot hold balls and bats. Todd Ritchie somehow won 43 career games. The Twins also had a second third round pick, as compensation for losing Wally Backman. Apparently in the 90s, teams were compensated for losing Wally Backmans. Seriously. All those drafted who made it to the Bigs Eddie Guardado, Damian Miller, Rich Becker, Todd Ritchie, Pat Meares, Midre Cummings, Jayhawk Owens, Brian Raabe, James Mouton, Jeff Granger, and Brent Brede. One Sentence Summary The Twins won the World Series one year later, and that was fun.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! Hello Twins Daily! I am continuing my journey through the last 25 Minnesota Twins drafts. As promised, I will not post each here, as I don't want to create any clutter. If you are interested in previous entries, you can find them here: 1988 1989 There! Here's 1990: The 1989 draft produced one of the biggest names of the Twins' last quarter-century, in Chuck Knoblauch. How could the 1990 draft compete with that? Well, maybe the Twins didn't want that! Perhaps they didn't care about the 1990 draft after the success of the 1989 draft. Yeah. So, here's some stuff about this "nothing to prove" draft from 1990. 1st Round Picks The Twins had two this year! They had a second first rounder as compensation for losing Jeff Reardon in free agency. Twice as nice! Well. The Twins drafted Todd Ritchie and Midre Cummings. Yep. Ah, but don't worry, the Twins had two second round picks in 1990 as well. They also got a second-round pick for losing Reardon. Wow, Jeff Reardon is the gift that keeps on giving. The Twins used their seconds on Jayhawk Owens and Ron Caridad. Let's just move on. Ah, but what if? What if the Twins had drafted a post? Could the post have fared better? More seriously, Mike Mussina went 24th overall, some twelve picks past Ritchie. The Twins wanted a right-handed starter, but they got the wrong one. Luckily, no one has ever heard of Mike Mussina. Wait. Best Player Drafted The Twins drafted "Everyday" Eddie Guardado in the 21st round. Guardado was both effective and popular. Those are not words one would use to describe Todd Ritchie, or Jayhawk Owens for that matter. Guardado went on to have a very long and fun career. Worst Player to Reach MLB The Twins drafted Brent Brede in the 5th round. He posted a robust -1.7 WAR in about 170 games. This draft is depressing. The One Who Got Away No one. The Twins didn't even draft and not sign a good player this year. No one. Best Name Chris Gump in the 47th round. Little known fact - Forrest Gump's cousin. Fun Facts It wasn't all bad. The Twins did draft Rich Becker and Pat Meares in 1990. We've heard of them. In fact, the Twins' first five picks had a lower combined career WAR than Becker. 3rd Round pick Jamie Ogden went to White Bear Lake High School. This means that Ogden was a Bear and might explain his lack of big league success. He was a bear. Bears have massive paws and cannot hold balls and bats. Todd Ritchie somehow won 43 career games. The Twins also had a second third round pick, as compensation for losing Wally Backman. Apparently in the 90s, teams were compensated for losing Wally Backmans. Seriously. All those drafted who made it to the Bigs Eddie Guardado, Damian Miller, Rich Becker, Todd Ritchie, Pat Meares, Midre Cummings, Jayhawk Owens, Brian Raabe, James Mouton, Jeff Granger, and Brent Brede. One Sentence Summary The Twins won the World Series one year later, and that was fun.

What did I miss tonight? I was watching old Deadliest Catch episodes on Netflix. Awesome dog, by the way.

You can view the page at http://twinsdaily.com/content.php?r=1703-25-Minnesota-Twins-Drafts-in-25-Days-1988

Thank you! His glasses are almost exactly the shape of the sunglasses I wear and I can't get over it.

Unless Morneau magically becomes 3 young pitchers, I'd say the A's are out.

Perhaps a move to first is in Plouffe's future?

Weekend Recap Twins' starters combined for 2 strikeouts in 17 innings against the Orioles. Yikes. Baltimore doesn't strike out a lot as a team, but my goodness, 2 strikeouts in 17 innings? The starters have to do better than that. I get the whole pitch to contact, let the defense do their thing, battle, achieve success idea, but this is too extreme for me. Strikeouts aren't everything and some pitchers can get away with low totals. However, not many can get away with it for a long time. Relying on batted balls to make over 95% of the team's outs is not a great long-term strategy. Joe Mauer is pretty good. He went 8-12 this weekend, added two walks and stroked four doubles. He went through a mini-slump a couple weeks back and I'm sure everyone was convinced that his career was over. It wasn't. Mauer now leads the offense in just about every possible category and is on pace for over 70 doubles. Honestly, if he hit 70 doubles, it would not surprise me all that much. Wei-Yin Chen is left-handed. Wei-Yin Chen is a soft-tosser. Wei-Yin Chen pitched against the Twins on a Sunday afternoon. Given this information, the next sentence could be predicted by a time-travelling space-ape with minor brain damage and a lot on his mind. Wei-Yin Chen shut out the Twins for five innings and won on Sunday. Chen left the game with an oblique injury, likely from repeatedly making the "two hands clasped together, shaking triumphantly over each shoulder, back and forth" gesture too frequently. Manny Machado is really good. #analysis Random Plug Grant Brisbee is fantastic. He writes for Baseball Nation of SB Nation and also for McCovey Chronicles of SB Nation. While he primarily writes about the San Francisco Giants, he does also post some general baseball thoughts. This week, he posted some "scouting reports" that he found from the newly released Hall of Fame scouting reports. They are extremely clever and hilarious. If you haven't read them yet, you really should. Random Photoshop Prior to that post, I had planned to send a "thank you" card of sorts to Brisbee, for all the fun articles I have enjoyed over the years. So, I made this photoshop of The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper album cover, with Hunter Pence's head in place of all the people on the cover. The results are terrifying and fascinating. Enjoy: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iBmoI0zhY4A/UZBHA3mlJ4I/AAAAAAAAArE/JI95wgAjf1Y/s400/sgtpence.jpg Former Twin Here's a sad tweet: Astros Sign Edgar Gonzalez, Designate Philip Humber bit.ly/17hxdMz #mlb — MLB Trade Rumors (@mlbtraderumors) May 12, 2013 Well, the Edgar Gonzalez part is nice for him, but Philip Humber getting DFA'ed is too bad. Since his perfect game last season, Humber has been pretty awful. He was once a major part of the package that the Twins acquired for Johan Santana and now he is probably worse than Santana and Santana isn't even playing. He might get one more chance, but getting released by the Astros is not promising. My response to a hypothetical Facebook Question Q: Two days in a row without Hicks (Aaron Hicks). How are they going to score runs without his bat in the lineup? Hahahahha. A: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That is freaking hilarious! I mean, how are they going to score without one of their worst offensive players, right? Right?!? Right?!!?!??! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! This is fantastic. Ignore the fact that Hicks is one of the most promising players on the team and just focus on the fact that he hasn't done well in one month of play. AHHAHAHAHAH. But seriously, I'm sure you will love Hicks when he's playing well. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Fun Baseball Card from the past Why do big glasses look so odd, but big sunglasses are pretty much standard? What do you think, Max Venable? http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-56nmKj9hV1E/UZBKPQwEOaI/AAAAAAAAArU/9XiuEzfvIG8/s320/ds_1986_donruss_venable.jpg Yeah, I don't get it either. Fun Stat The Twins pitcher with the most strikeouts in a game versus the Orioles? Johan Santana, with 14 on September 19, 2004. He struck out seven times the amount of Orioles as Twins' starters struck out this whole weekend. Never forget: Johan Santana was cool/awesome. Link to something I wrote I decided to recap each of the last 25 Twins drafts, leading up to the 2013 draft in June. I posted 1988 on Sunday, and you can read it here. It's a hoot. Do you remember Johnny Ard? Neither did I. Cool. Link to something stupid I wrote For some odd reason, I decided to start a Facebook Group. There is currently one "like" and probably some (like 7?) more to come. Once I reach 50 "likes" I will give away my prized Gary Wayne 1991 Score baseball card. If that prize isn't worth clicking a button and enduring countless annoying Facebook updates, then I don't know what is. You can find it here: Kevin Slowey was Facebooked! Parting Haiku Joe loves to double Anything less is trouble Home run allergy

Weekend Recap Twins' starters combined for 2 strikeouts in 17 innings against the Orioles. Yikes. Baltimore doesn't strike out a lot as a team, but my goodness, 2 strikeouts in 17 innings? The starters have to do better than that. I get the whole pitch to contact, let the defense do their thing, battle, achieve success idea, but this is too extreme for me. Strikeouts aren't everything and some pitchers can get away with low totals. However, not many can get away with it for a long time. Relying on batted balls to make over 95% of the team's outs is not a great long-term strategy. Joe Mauer is pretty good. He went 8-12 this weekend, added two walks and stroked four doubles. He went through a mini-slump a couple weeks back and I'm sure everyone was convinced that his career was over. It wasn't. Mauer now leads the offense in just about every possible category and is on pace for over 70 doubles. Honestly, if he hit 70 doubles, it would not surprise me all that much. Wei-Yin Chen is left-handed. Wei-Yin Chen is a soft-tosser. Wei-Yin Chen pitched against the Twins on a Sunday afternoon. Given this information, the next sentence could be predicted by a time-travelling space-ape with minor brain damage and a lot on his mind. Wei-Yin Chen shut out the Twins for five innings and won on Sunday. Chen left the game with an oblique injury, likely from repeatedly making the "two hands clasped together, shaking triumphantly over each shoulder, back and forth" gesture too frequently. Manny Machado is really good. #analysis Random Plug Grant Brisbee is fantastic. He writes for Baseball Nation of SB Nation and also for McCovey Chronicles of SB Nation. While he primarily writes about the San Francisco Giants, he does also post some general baseball thoughts. This week, he posted some "scouting reports" that he found from the newly released Hall of Fame scouting reports. They are extremely clever and hilarious. If you haven't read them yet, you really should. Random Photoshop Prior to that post, I had planned to send a "thank you" card of sorts to Brisbee, for all the fun articles I have enjoyed over the years. So, I made this photoshop of The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper album cover, with Hunter Pence's head in place of all the people on the cover. The results are terrifying and fascinating. Enjoy: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iBmoI0zhY4A/UZBHA3mlJ4I/AAAAAAAAArE/JI95wgAjf1Y/s400/sgtpence.jpg Former Twin Here's a sad tweet: Astros Sign Edgar Gonzalez, Designate Philip Humber bit.ly/17hxdMz #mlb — MLB Trade Rumors (@mlbtraderumors) May 12, 2013 Well, the Edgar Gonzalez part is nice for him, but Philip Humber getting DFA'ed is too bad. Since his perfect game last season, Humber has been pretty awful. He was once a major part of the package that the Twins acquired for Johan Santana and now he is probably worse than Santana and Santana isn't even playing. He might get one more chance, but getting released by the Astros is not promising. My response to a hypothetical Facebook Question Q: Two days in a row without Hicks (Aaron Hicks). How are they going to score runs without his bat in the lineup? Hahahahha. A: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That is freaking hilarious! I mean, how are they going to score without one of their worst offensive players, right? Right?!? Right?!!?!??! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! This is fantastic. Ignore the fact that Hicks is one of the most promising players on the team and just focus on the fact that he hasn't done well in one month of play. AHHAHAHAHAH. But seriously, I'm sure you will love Hicks when he's playing well. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Fun Baseball Card from the past Why do big glasses look so odd, but big sunglasses are pretty much standard? What do you think, Max Venable? http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-56nmKj9hV1E/UZBKPQwEOaI/AAAAAAAAArU/9XiuEzfvIG8/s320/ds_1986_donruss_venable.jpg Yeah, I don't get it either. Fun Stat The Twins pitcher with the most strikeouts in a game versus the Orioles? Johan Santana, with 14 on September 19, 2004. He struck out seven times the amount of Orioles as Twins' starters struck out this whole weekend. Never forget: Johan Santana was cool/awesome. Link to something I wrote I decided to recap each of the last 25 Twins drafts, leading up to the 2013 draft in June. I posted 1988 on Sunday, and you can read it here. It's a hoot. Do you remember Johnny Ard? Neither did I. Cool. Link to something stupid I wrote For some odd reason, I decided to start a Facebook Group. There is currently one "like" and probably some (like 7?) more to come. Once I reach 50 "likes" I will give away my prized Gary Wayne 1991 Score baseball card. If that prize isn't worth clicking a button and enduring countless annoying Facebook updates, then I don't know what is. You can find it here: Kevin Slowey was Facebooked! Parting Haiku Joe loves to double Anything less is trouble Home run allergy

aaaaaa! That was ard to read, but totally worth it!

You're welcome, I loved that article.

Thanks, and a valuable public service announcement too.

Welcome to 25 drafts in 25 days! Over the next few weeks, I will be writing brief recaps of the last 25 drafts in Twins' history. This will all culminate with the 2013 draft, when the Twins will select 4th overall. I know that the MLB draft isn't as hyped as the NBA or NFL draft, due to the age and experience of the players involved, but the draft is an important tool used to build a franchise, especially for the Twins. This coming draft is extremely important, as the Twins have the opportunity to add to an already stacked farm system. Twins Daily, I don't want to bombard you with these recaps, so I'll just post one every 3-4 days. I'll have links to those that I do not directly post here, but you can always check each year out daily at my blog: Kevin Slowey was Framed! I plan to post each of these around 11am for the next 25 days at that site. You can stop crying now. Housekeeping aside, we'll start back in 1988 and work our way to the present. 1st Round Pick The Twins drafted right-hander Johnny Ard out of Manatee Community College in Bradenton, Florida with the 20th overall pick in the 1988 draft. Manatee Community College. Unfortunately, Johnny didn't want to put in the Ard work it takes to get to the Bigs. I don't know that to be true. Glancing at his Minor League stats tells a lot, as he walked a lot of batters and didn't strike many out. Pretty Ard sell for me. Ah, but what if? Well, the 1988 draft kinda sucked. Robin Ventura was by far the best player, but he was drafted 10th overall. Alex Fernandez posted a 28.9 WAR for his career and went 24th overall to the Brewers. I am guessing the Twins would have preferred Fernandez to Ard, but only in hindsight of course. Best Player Drafted In the 11th round, with the 284th pick, the Twins selected J.T. Bruett. Bruett posted a career WAR of 0.2. That was the best number of any player that the Twins actually drafted and signed in 1988. A couple of their 1988 draftees had better careers, but we will get to that in a bit. Worst Player to Reach MLB In the 9th round, the Twins selected Doug Simons. Simons posted a -1.5 WAR, thus hurting the teams he played for, just by being around. He never pitched for the Twins, luckily. Simons posted a career 6.68 ERA in 66 career innings. Tons of sixes aside, he didn't really do much. The One Who Got Away The Twins drafted Aaron Sele in the 37th round, but he chose to be a dork and go to college. He was later selected 23rd overall by the Red Sox, so who's a dork now? He won 148 career games and was a player I often heard Twins fans long for. He had a career ERA+ of 100, which is league average, but compared with the entire remaining Twins' draft, he was Roger Clemens. Best Name Deryk Gross - 12th Round - What a difference one "y" makes. Fun Facts 6th Round pick Pat Mahomes had a better career batting average than 4th round pick Steve Dunn, who was a first baseman The Twins selected Steve Dunn in the 4th round and then Steve Dean in the 5th round. Someone found that funny, I bet. Steve Dean did not make it to the Majors, thus having a WAR of 0. Steve Dunn did make it to the Majors and posted a WAR of -0.4, thus making him the less valuable Steve. Alan Newman was drafted 50th overall. Everyone remembers Alan Newman. He was 6' 6" and 240 lb out of La Habra, California. He was not Al Newman. The Twins drafted Scott Stahoviak in the 27th round, but he did not sign. He'd be back. A guy I went to high school with had a Scott Stahoviak jersey. Seriously. All those drafted who made it to the Bigs Alan Newman, Steve Dunn, Pat Mahomes, Doug Simons, J.T. Bruett, Scott Stahoviak and Aaron Sele One Sentence Summary The Minnesota Twins drafted some players in the 1988 draft and all of those players were horrible.

Welcome to 25 drafts in 25 days! Over the next few weeks, I will be writing brief recaps of the last 25 drafts in Twins' history. This will all culminate with the 2013 draft, when the Twins will select 4th overall. I know that the MLB draft isn't as hyped as the NBA or NFL draft, due to the age and experience of the players involved, but the draft is an important tool used to build a franchise, especially for the Twins. This coming draft is extremely important, as the Twins have the opportunity to add to an already stacked farm system. Twins Daily, I don't want to bombard you with these recaps, so I'll just post one every 3-4 days. I'll have links to those that I do not directly post here, but you can always check each year out daily at my blog: Kevin Slowey was Framed! I plan to post each of these around 11am for the next 25 days at that site. You can stop crying now. Housekeeping aside, we'll start back in 1988 and work our way to the present. 1st Round Pick The Twins drafted right-hander Johnny Ard out of Manatee Community College in Bradenton, Florida with the 20th overall pick in the 1988 draft. Manatee Community College. Unfortunately, Johnny didn't want to put in the Ard work it takes to get to the Bigs. I don't know that to be true. Glancing at his Minor League stats tells a lot, as he walked a lot of batters and didn't strike many out. Pretty Ard sell for me. Ah, but what if? Well, the 1988 draft kinda sucked. Robin Ventura was by far the best player, but he was drafted 10th overall. Alex Fernandez posted a 28.9 WAR for his career and went 24th overall to the Brewers. I am guessing the Twins would have preferred Fernandez to Ard, but only in hindsight of course. Best Player Drafted In the 11th round, with the 284th pick, the Twins selected J.T. Bruett. Bruett posted a career WAR of 0.2. That was the best number of any player that the Twins actually drafted and signed in 1988. A couple of their 1988 draftees had better careers, but we will get to that in a bit. Worst Player to Reach MLB In the 9th round, the Twins selected Doug Simons. Simons posted a -1.5 WAR, thus hurting the teams he played for, just by being around. He never pitched for the Twins, luckily. Simons posted a career 6.68 ERA in 66 career innings. Tons of sixes aside, he didn't really do much. The One Who Got Away The Twins drafted Aaron Sele in the 37th round, but he chose to be a dork and go to college. He was later selected 23rd overall by the Red Sox, so who's a dork now? He won 148 career games and was a player I often heard Twins fans long for. He had a career ERA+ of 100, which is league average, but compared with the entire remaining Twins' draft, he was Roger Clemens. Best Name Deryk Gross - 12th Round - What a difference one "y" makes. Fun Facts 6th Round pick Pat Mahomes had a better career batting average than 4th round pick Steve Dunn, who was a first baseman The Twins selected Steve Dunn in the 4th round and then Steve Dean in the 5th round. Someone found that funny, I bet. Steve Dean did not make it to the Majors, thus having a WAR of 0. Steve Dunn did make it to the Majors and posted a WAR of -0.4, thus making him the less valuable Steve. Alan Newman was drafted 50th overall. Everyone remembers Alan Newman. He was 6' 6" and 240 lb out of La Habra, California. He was not Al Newman. The Twins drafted Scott Stahoviak in the 27th round, but he did not sign. He'd be back. A guy I went to high school with had a Scott Stahoviak jersey. Seriously. All those drafted who made it to the Bigs Alan Newman, Steve Dunn, Pat Mahomes, Doug Simons, J.T. Bruett, Scott Stahoviak and Aaron Sele One Sentence Summary The Minnesota Twins drafted some players in the 1988 draft and all of those players were horrible.

Wasn't the article focused on offensive players? He mentions Beckett, but not any other pitchers.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! On Tuesday night, Aaron Hicks made a nice running catch and flipped the ball with his glove to Brian Dozier, all in one motion. I cheered; Ron Gardenhire hissed. Gardenhire was likely upset with how nonchalant Hicks was or perhaps jealous of how silky smooth Hicks is. Regardless, an ensuing "conversation" in the dugout was caught on FSN's cameras and set off an explosion of commentary and crying (mostly from me). Odds are, their conversation was about that play, but I can't help but think it could have been about something else. Here are a few working theories that I have: Option 1 - Cold hands Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: What did I tell you about leaving the hot plate plugged in while you're not in the same room? Hicks: Don't leave the hot plate plugged in, it could start a fire. Gardy: Right, and what did I see when I went into the clubhouse a few minutes ago? Hicks: (sheepishly) The hot plate was plugged in. Gardy: THE HOT PLATE WAS PLUGGED IN! DO YOU WANT TO START A FIRE? DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THAT HOT PLATE IS? I'M TEMPTED TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU! Hicks: No! I need it! Gardy: You NEED to understand that a fire in the clubhouse kills us all. Is that what you want? Hicks. (more sheepishly) No... Gardy: Look, I don't want to die out here. I got lots of stuff I still want to do. I'm abiti... Hicks: (cuts him off) I was just using it to warm up my hands. Gardy: DO YOU THINK THAT MATTERS? DO YOU THINK THE HOT PLATE KNOWS THAT? A HOT PLATE DOESN'T HAVE A BRAIN! IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU USE IT FOR, IF YOU LEAVE IT PLUGGED IN, IT CAN START A FIRE! (pauses) I can't talk about this again, go sit down. Option 2 - I ain't afraid of no ghosts Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: What happened out there? Hicks: I saw him. Gardy: Saw who? Hicks: I saw the ghost. Gardy: You saw the ghost? What did we just talk about yesterday? Hicks: You say there's no such thing as ghosts, but you aren't an expert. Gardy: HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY EXPERTISE? I KNOW MORE ABOUT GHOSTS THAN YOU COULD EVER KNOW. I'VE FORGOTTEN MORE ABOUT GHOSTS THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY LEARN. I'VE LIVED THE GHOST-HUNTING LIFESTYLE AND IT IS NOT A LIFESTYLE I WANT FOR YOU... OR ANY OF MY PLAYERS! GHOSTS AREN'T REAL! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? Hicks: I know what I saw. Gardy: YOU SAW NOTHING! (creepily calms into a zen-like trance) I'm tired of going through this with you, go sit down. Option 3 - You can't eat the soaps Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: I can't help but notice that the nice, decorative soaps that I put in the washroom are all wet and slightly smaller. I also can't help but notice that you were the last one to use the washroom. Care to explain? Hicks: Uh, I washed my hands. Gardy: Right, and I applaud you for that. However, what does the word decorative mean? Hicks: That it's a decoration. Gardy: EXACTLY! YOU DON'T USE THE DECORATIVE SOAPS, YOU ADMIRE THEM AND YOU ENJOY THEIR DECORATIVE PRESENCE, BUT YOU DON'T USE THEM! THAT'S WHY WE HAVE THE LIQUID SOAP! Hicks: Isn't soap soap? Gardy: IF SOAP WERE SOAP, THEN WHY IS SOME SOAP LIQUID AND SOME SOAP SHAPED LIKE LITTLE TWINS LOGOS? IF SOAP WERE SOAP, WHY DID I SPENT 30 MINUTES GIVING A POWERPOINT ABOUT THE NEW DECORATIVE SOAPS IN THE WASHROOM. I'M STARTING TO THINK YOU AREN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO MY PRE-GAME SPEECHES. GO SIT DOWN; YOU GO SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW! Hicks: (hangs head, sits down) Gardy: (muttering to himself) Is soap soap? Option 4 - Apples suck Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: What did you bring for the post-game treat? Hicks: Uh, apples and juice boxes. Gardy: Are you serious? Hicks: Yeah, my nutritionist thought it was appropriate since we're all athletes and we need apples. Gardy: Come on. Hicks: I'm sorry, it wasn't my choice. Gardy: Man, I wanted a candy bar or something. Hicks: Can't you just get a different treat? You don't have to eat the apple. Gardy: THAT'S NOT THE POINT! THE POINT IS THAT EACH PLAYER HAS TO BRING TREATS AND EVERY OTHER GUY ON THIS TEAM BRINGS SOMETHING DELICIOUS AND FUN AND YOU BRING APPLES WHICH SUCK! Hicks: I didn't pick apples. Gardy: OH YOU'LL BE PICKING APPLES! YOU'LL BE PICKING APPLES ALL DAY LONG IF YOU DON'T SHAPE UP AND BRING TREATS THAT EVERYONE ENJOYS! I'LL ANNEX YOU FROM THIS TEAM SO FAST! DON'T TEST ME! (points at Joe Mauer) LOOK WHAT I DID TO MAUER WHEN HE BROUGHT MILK! (Mauer slowly rolls down his sleeves to cover the bruises, averts his gaze) Gardy: Disgusting. Go sit down. Option 5 - Deadliest Spoilers Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: Did you watch Deadliest Catch? Hicks: Yes! Can you believe that Junior stabbed Keith in the back like that? Gardy: SPOILER ALERT, GEEZ HICKS! I asked if you watched it, not for a synopsis. Hicks: I just assumed you saw it, since you asked. Gardy: I'm sick of your assumptions! You need to assume that I haven't seen anything until I say that I have! Hicks: Geez, I thought we were starting to really connect. Gardy: YOU THOUGHT WRONG! YOU THOUGHT SO WRONG! SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN FOREVER! Later, after the half-inning ends, Hicks starts to get up to go out into the field) Gardy: WHAT DID I TELL YOU! SIT DOWN FORVER! Hicks: *looks sad, hangs head, sits down forever* Option 6 - Honest Abe Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure. Hicks: Um, Gardy? Gardy: We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting-place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. Hicks: (to Justin Morneau) What is going on? Gardy: The brave men, living and dead who struggled here have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. Hicks: Can I... Gardy: It is for us the living rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation under God shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth. Hicks: I'm just going to go sit down. Conclusion: Gardy has a short fuse; respects decorative soap.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! On Tuesday night, Aaron Hicks made a nice running catch and flipped the ball with his glove to Brian Dozier, all in one motion. I cheered; Ron Gardenhire hissed. Gardenhire was likely upset with how nonchalant Hicks was or perhaps jealous of how silky smooth Hicks is. Regardless, an ensuing "conversation" in the dugout was caught on FSN's cameras and set off an explosion of commentary and crying (mostly from me). Odds are, their conversation was about that play, but I can't help but think it could have been about something else. Here are a few working theories that I have: Option 1 - Cold hands Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: What did I tell you about leaving the hot plate plugged in while you're not in the same room? Hicks: Don't leave the hot plate plugged in, it could start a fire. Gardy: Right, and what did I see when I went into the clubhouse a few minutes ago? Hicks: (sheepishly) The hot plate was plugged in. Gardy: THE HOT PLATE WAS PLUGGED IN! DO YOU WANT TO START A FIRE? DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THAT HOT PLATE IS? I'M TEMPTED TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU! Hicks: No! I need it! Gardy: You NEED to understand that a fire in the clubhouse kills us all. Is that what you want? Hicks. (more sheepishly) No... Gardy: Look, I don't want to die out here. I got lots of stuff I still want to do. I'm abiti... Hicks: (cuts him off) I was just using it to warm up my hands. Gardy: DO YOU THINK THAT MATTERS? DO YOU THINK THE HOT PLATE KNOWS THAT? A HOT PLATE DOESN'T HAVE A BRAIN! IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU USE IT FOR, IF YOU LEAVE IT PLUGGED IN, IT CAN START A FIRE! (pauses) I can't talk about this again, go sit down. Option 2 - I ain't afraid of no ghosts Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: What happened out there? Hicks: I saw him. Gardy: Saw who? Hicks: I saw the ghost. Gardy: You saw the ghost? What did we just talk about yesterday? Hicks: You say there's no such thing as ghosts, but you aren't an expert. Gardy: HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY EXPERTISE? I KNOW MORE ABOUT GHOSTS THAN YOU COULD EVER KNOW. I'VE FORGOTTEN MORE ABOUT GHOSTS THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY LEARN. I'VE LIVED THE GHOST-HUNTING LIFESTYLE AND IT IS NOT A LIFESTYLE I WANT FOR YOU... OR ANY OF MY PLAYERS! GHOSTS AREN'T REAL! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? Hicks: I know what I saw. Gardy: YOU SAW NOTHING! (creepily calms into a zen-like trance) I'm tired of going through this with you, go sit down. Option 3 - You can't eat the soaps Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: I can't help but notice that the nice, decorative soaps that I put in the washroom are all wet and slightly smaller. I also can't help but notice that you were the last one to use the washroom. Care to explain? Hicks: Uh, I washed my hands. Gardy: Right, and I applaud you for that. However, what does the word decorative mean? Hicks: That it's a decoration. Gardy: EXACTLY! YOU DON'T USE THE DECORATIVE SOAPS, YOU ADMIRE THEM AND YOU ENJOY THEIR DECORATIVE PRESENCE, BUT YOU DON'T USE THEM! THAT'S WHY WE HAVE THE LIQUID SOAP! Hicks: Isn't soap soap? Gardy: IF SOAP WERE SOAP, THEN WHY IS SOME SOAP LIQUID AND SOME SOAP SHAPED LIKE LITTLE TWINS LOGOS? IF SOAP WERE SOAP, WHY DID I SPENT 30 MINUTES GIVING A POWERPOINT ABOUT THE NEW DECORATIVE SOAPS IN THE WASHROOM. I'M STARTING TO THINK YOU AREN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO MY PRE-GAME SPEECHES. GO SIT DOWN; YOU GO SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW! Hicks: (hangs head, sits down) Gardy: (muttering to himself) Is soap soap? Option 4 - Apples suck Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: What did you bring for the post-game treat? Hicks: Uh, apples and juice boxes. Gardy: Are you serious? Hicks: Yeah, my nutritionist thought it was appropriate since we're all athletes and we need apples. Gardy: Come on. Hicks: I'm sorry, it wasn't my choice. Gardy: Man, I wanted a candy bar or something. Hicks: Can't you just get a different treat? You don't have to eat the apple. Gardy: THAT'S NOT THE POINT! THE POINT IS THAT EACH PLAYER HAS TO BRING TREATS AND EVERY OTHER GUY ON THIS TEAM BRINGS SOMETHING DELICIOUS AND FUN AND YOU BRING APPLES WHICH SUCK! Hicks: I didn't pick apples. Gardy: OH YOU'LL BE PICKING APPLES! YOU'LL BE PICKING APPLES ALL DAY LONG IF YOU DON'T SHAPE UP AND BRING TREATS THAT EVERYONE ENJOYS! I'LL ANNEX YOU FROM THIS TEAM SO FAST! DON'T TEST ME! (points at Joe Mauer) LOOK WHAT I DID TO MAUER WHEN HE BROUGHT MILK! (Mauer slowly rolls down his sleeves to cover the bruises, averts his gaze) Gardy: Disgusting. Go sit down. Option 5 - Deadliest Spoilers Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: Did you watch Deadliest Catch? Hicks: Yes! Can you believe that Junior stabbed Keith in the back like that? Gardy: SPOILER ALERT, GEEZ HICKS! I asked if you watched it, not for a synopsis. Hicks: I just assumed you saw it, since you asked. Gardy: I'm sick of your assumptions! You need to assume that I haven't seen anything until I say that I have! Hicks: Geez, I thought we were starting to really connect. Gardy: YOU THOUGHT WRONG! YOU THOUGHT SO WRONG! SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN FOREVER! Later, after the half-inning ends, Hicks starts to get up to go out into the field) Gardy: WHAT DID I TELL YOU! SIT DOWN FORVER! Hicks: *looks sad, hangs head, sits down forever* Option 6 - Honest Abe Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure. Hicks: Um, Gardy? Gardy: We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting-place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. Hicks: (to Justin Morneau) What is going on? Gardy: The brave men, living and dead who struggled here have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. Hicks: Can I... Gardy: It is for us the living rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation under God shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth. Hicks: I'm just going to go sit down. Conclusion: Gardy has a short fuse; respects decorative soap.

I think I read that Sano and Rosario are getting scheduled days off. I didn't see anything about Hicks.

Okey is my cheeseball. I hope he's there at 41 or whatever.

Now, do you remember how great he looked on famous album covers? I do. Kevin Slowey was Framed!: Gary Wayne's 1991 Score Pitch Face on Famous Album Covers

I'm in, but someone needs to provide the brick wall. I can do louder for sure. Yes, my Mack drawing is my proudest moment! I spent as much time on that one as the other 9 combined. Shocking, I know. I'm just going to outright lie and say I drew it from memory. I'm glad the Delmon picture was enjoyed I just feel bad for those poor people who got all wet.

I had him at 7 bananas and I think you are a fool for going 8. I refuse to listen to any reason on this subject. But on the real, these are great recaps. Thanks Jeremy!

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