LaBombo

The run expectancy matrix predicts that the average team should score about 1.5 runs with one out and bases loaded, but there's an asterisk notation that says that in that situation late and close, the Twins average negative 0.5 runs, which I didn't even know was possible.

Anyone else experiencing the occasional seizure with that insane psychedelic background they put on the scoreboard behind the pitcher between pitches?

So versatile.. a terrifying monster in the ring, and yet a surprisingly well-mannered maitre D.. http://mauiwatch.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/ed-wood-5.jpg

It's fun to tune in to a Twins game when it's tied or close in the 6th or 7th. It's like watching the movie 'Pearl Harbor' and using the skip button to bypass the insipid love triangle subplot and get right to the bombs being dropped and stuff blowing up.

At the risk of prolonging the game of metaphor badminton that I unadvisedly started, I said "drastic fixes" (overhaul vs. tuneup), not 'wanton punitive destruction' (letting a chop shop 'work on' your car). My point was and is that the Twins have both the freedom and the obligation to depart from the path that has led the franchise to its dismal standing today, and that the consequences for experimenting with even somewhat radical ideas, as long as they're rational, are likely relatively small compared to the potential reward. Yes, "things can always get worse", which is by the way a somewhat ironic point to argue, given that the Twins have conclusively proved it this year, and did so essentially by continuing the status quo. And to that mantra, I would reply a) yes, but not much worse, b} so? , and most of all c), resistance to change and the fear of making things worse has already cost the Twins, and it must not continue to do so. Setting aside the metaphors and philosophy, my 'to do' list for the Twins looks something like this: 1. Bring in new leadership: a CEO/president who either oversees or replaces St. Peter, and a new GM who has filled a high-leverage role in a successful organization that's at least moderately reliant on metrics. 2. Spend money. Eat a little red ink to replenish the talent pool. Hundreds of corporations do it every year to recover from the ill effects of their bad decisions, and they do it without the safety net and collateral of a billionaire owner or hundreds of millions in publicly subsidized real estate equity, let alone both. 3. Rebuild or contend, but for the love of god, pick one. Impending free agents wandering off instead of netting prospects in trade, talking tough about the bullpen and coming home from the winter meetings with only Francisco Abad in your shopping basket... these are the actions of a franchise intent on offering a competent entertainment product, not building a contending team. And if the Twins decide not to employ these ideas or any others outside their comfort zone, then I sincerely hope it's not because they're terrified of becoming the 2016 Diamondbacks. PS Greinke's xFIP is only 3.84 , Shelby Miller is only 25, Goldschmidt still rocks, and Chris Hermann is OPSing .841.

And that's how I read the article as well, which is why it made me want to scream. Obscenities. A lot. Calling the article a cautionary tale sells it a bit short. To me it felt eerily similar to the admonishing half of The Truman Show's anesthetizing, piped in radio programming that by turns reminds Truman how nice he has it in his safe, boring bubble town, and how terrifying the big, bad, unpredictable outside world can be. But the arguable specifics and questionable relevance of the D-backs' struggles aside, the simple, awful, g*ddamned truth of the Twins is that they have screwed things up so badly that even change FOR THE SAKE OF CHANGE can be a good thing. After five years of a haphazard rebuilding effort with access to the enhanced revenue of a new stadium, the Twins not only lost games at a nearly historical pace for most of the season, they also saw their vaunted farm system's most promising prospects and products struggle the most. The glass half full version of this is that the Twins can combine a relatively clean slate approach with some valuable pieces. They haven't been strip mined by Jeff Loria or confined to a venue like the Rays' enormous green sports toilet, and despite their seemingly best efforts to the contrary, their fan base remains relatively loyal. The half empty version is that the 2016 Twins have just two good ballplayers. Dozier and Santana have each posted WARs that equal the total of the next four lower hitters or pitchers combined. And the rest of the hitters and pitchers totaled just over and just under one WAR, respectively. So all is not lost, but... man, if ever there were a Twins team this century whose management could throw caution to the wind and just swing for the fences, rear back and let it fly, lay out full extension... pick your strained baseball metaphor. The Twins are a broken car. What harm will drastic fixes do? Make it not work worse?

At times this year I've wondered if he went to the Nick Punto Dirty Uniform Academy in the offseason, and was told that throwing as hard/far as you can = hustle/battling tail off/etc.

Yeah, he's every bit as bad at situational awareness of runners and where to throw as when he got here. It's like he's in the throwing phase of Punt, Pass and Kick and just wants to cut loose and see how hard he can throw it.

Classic Bremer as Vargas staggers on the popup: "Popped up in the infield! Kintzler gets out of the waAAAAAAay!" Nice win, and good on our Buxie for putting up the "insurance" home run, even though we knew the Twins bullpen had it in the bag all along.

http://www.gunaxin.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/burning-down-the-mouse.jpg

There's a less fast but no less scary Gore available in free agency this winter... http://www.celebitchy.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/wenn2670528.jpg

http://bigiton.com/images/_qload/pinata-pirat-party.jpg

Hang in there, Buxie, but remember: you're never gonna get your BABIP out of the toilet if you don't put the ball in play.

Donkey Kong!

Depends on how early in the series Rogers beans him.

Yes. Wait. Just tonight, or for good?

Dick notes that Suzuki has the green light on 3-0... like you'd take the axe bat out of that guy's hands.

Shhh! Keep your voice down! We don't want the Royals to know that, do we?

All part of the plan. http://www.pbdink.com/site/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/MAGOO.jpg

Obi Wan Sano-bi! You're our only hope! http://cdn.epicstream.com/assets/uploads/videoscover/760x400/r2.jpg

He's best known as Second Jawa from the Right, but I think that undersells his credentials by a good bit.

David Arias rookie card oughta cover it... http://beckett-www.s3.amazonaws.com/news/news-content/uploads/2015/09/1997-Ultra-David-Ortiz-RC.jpg

http://img.lum.dolimg.com/v1/images/open-uri20150608-27674-ofb2sj_042bccf7.jpeg?region=0%2C0%2C1280%2C720

Yeah, but I used to play D&D and watch Star Trek a lot, so that's prob'ly not the kind of rock solid external validation you were looking for... http://www.parmen.com/spockboard320.jpg