Brad Swanson

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! The Minnesota Twins are going through a bit of a rough patch. The White Sox are terrible, but hit the Twins hard today and won the series. The Twins rotation is not performing. Mike Pelfrey seems jolly, but that's not enough. Vance Worley has cool glasses, but that's not cutting it. Pedro Hernandez is a lefty, but even that isn't getting the job done. In addition, there are questions about the offense. Is Josh Willingham slumping or getting old? Is Chris Parmelee an everyday player? Is Aaron Hicks breaking out or just simply not historically awful anymore? Is Trevor Plouffe wearing more and more eye-black, in some sort of ritualistic manner to try to voodoo his way to success against right-handed pitching? These are all legitimate questions, but not questions that interest me at all. I am most concerned with what Oswaldo Arcia is doing with his arms when he makes this motion: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CNHIlQ27XUQ/UZQo0GmaCCI/AAAAAAAAAr4/H-GSklXiuPk/s320/oswaldoo.png Also, why is he so happy? Anyway, here's a link to a picture, if you are into accurate representations. Back to the question at hand, what is Arcia doing? Someone stated that it's some sort of team-building symbol invented by Wilkin Ramirez. I'M NOT BUYING IT! Body language is universal, so I should be able to decipher what is meant when Arcia makes that "o" shape with his arms without being told. I have theories, which I present to you without commentary: Asking for more Ovaltine, please Cracking walnuts for some of the smaller and weaker players Creating a self-picture frame, in order to assist people when they take pictures (or draw pictures) of him Spelling out his name, one letter at a time, with the intent unveiling a new letter every few weeks Advertising for O.co Telling Pedro Florimon that he loves him "this much" Trying to turn into a hot air balloon Creating the number zero, in a subtle homage to his favorite player of all time: Junior Ortiz Ripping Joe Mauer for not hitting more home runs Only one country starts with the letter "O" and that is Oman; he just learned that and is really excited to tell people about it Asking Ron Gardenhire to make him some eggs Trying to relate to Anthony Swarzak by flashing a crop circle sign to him, while in the bullpen It's not intentional, it's just how he stands normally What is he really doing? You be the judge. If you have theories of your own, please share.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! The Minnesota Twins are going through a bit of a rough patch. The White Sox are terrible, but hit the Twins hard today and won the series. The Twins rotation is not performing. Mike Pelfrey seems jolly, but that's not enough. Vance Worley has cool glasses, but that's not cutting it. Pedro Hernandez is a lefty, but even that isn't getting the job done. In addition, there are questions about the offense. Is Josh Willingham slumping or getting old? Is Chris Parmelee an everyday player? Is Aaron Hicks breaking out or just simply not historically awful anymore? Is Trevor Plouffe wearing more and more eye-black, in some sort of ritualistic manner to try to voodoo his way to success against right-handed pitching? These are all legitimate questions, but not questions that interest me at all. I am most concerned with what Oswaldo Arcia is doing with his arms when he makes this motion: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CNHIlQ27XUQ/UZQo0GmaCCI/AAAAAAAAAr4/H-GSklXiuPk/s320/oswaldoo.png Also, why is he so happy? Anyway, here's a link to a picture, if you are into accurate representations. Back to the question at hand, what is Arcia doing? Someone stated that it's some sort of team-building symbol invented by Wilkin Ramirez. I'M NOT BUYING IT! Body language is universal, so I should be able to decipher what is meant when Arcia makes that "o" shape with his arms without being told. I have theories, which I present to you without commentary: Asking for more Ovaltine, please Cracking walnuts for some of the smaller and weaker players Creating a self-picture frame, in order to assist people when they take pictures (or draw pictures) of him Spelling out his name, one letter at a time, with the intent unveiling a new letter every few weeks Advertising for O.co Telling Pedro Florimon that he loves him "this much" Trying to turn into a hot air balloon Creating the number zero, in a subtle homage to his favorite player of all time: Junior Ortiz Ripping Joe Mauer for not hitting more home runs Only one country starts with the letter "O" and that is Oman; he just learned that and is really excited to tell people about it Asking Ron Gardenhire to make him some eggs Trying to relate to Anthony Swarzak by flashing a crop circle sign to him, while in the bullpen It's not intentional, it's just how he stands normally What is he really doing? You be the judge. If you have theories of your own, please share.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! Hello Twins Daily! I am continuing my journey through the last 25 Minnesota Twins drafts. As promised, I will not post each here, as I don't want to create any clutter. If you are interested in previous entries, you can find them here: 1988 1989 There! Here's 1990: The 1989 draft produced one of the biggest names of the Twins' last quarter-century, in Chuck Knoblauch. How could the 1990 draft compete with that? Well, maybe the Twins didn't want that! Perhaps they didn't care about the 1990 draft after the success of the 1989 draft. Yeah. So, here's some stuff about this "nothing to prove" draft from 1990. 1st Round Picks The Twins had two this year! They had a second first rounder as compensation for losing Jeff Reardon in free agency. Twice as nice! Well. The Twins drafted Todd Ritchie and Midre Cummings. Yep. Ah, but don't worry, the Twins had two second round picks in 1990 as well. They also got a second-round pick for losing Reardon. Wow, Jeff Reardon is the gift that keeps on giving. The Twins used their seconds on Jayhawk Owens and Ron Caridad. Let's just move on. Ah, but what if? What if the Twins had drafted a post? Could the post have fared better? More seriously, Mike Mussina went 24th overall, some twelve picks past Ritchie. The Twins wanted a right-handed starter, but they got the wrong one. Luckily, no one has ever heard of Mike Mussina. Wait. Best Player Drafted The Twins drafted "Everyday" Eddie Guardado in the 21st round. Guardado was both effective and popular. Those are not words one would use to describe Todd Ritchie, or Jayhawk Owens for that matter. Guardado went on to have a very long and fun career. Worst Player to Reach MLB The Twins drafted Brent Brede in the 5th round. He posted a robust -1.7 WAR in about 170 games. This draft is depressing. The One Who Got Away No one. The Twins didn't even draft and not sign a good player this year. No one. Best Name Chris Gump in the 47th round. Little known fact - Forrest Gump's cousin. Fun Facts It wasn't all bad. The Twins did draft Rich Becker and Pat Meares in 1990. We've heard of them. In fact, the Twins' first five picks had a lower combined career WAR than Becker. 3rd Round pick Jamie Ogden went to White Bear Lake High School. This means that Ogden was a Bear and might explain his lack of big league success. He was a bear. Bears have massive paws and cannot hold balls and bats. Todd Ritchie somehow won 43 career games. The Twins also had a second third round pick, as compensation for losing Wally Backman. Apparently in the 90s, teams were compensated for losing Wally Backmans. Seriously. All those drafted who made it to the Bigs Eddie Guardado, Damian Miller, Rich Becker, Todd Ritchie, Pat Meares, Midre Cummings, Jayhawk Owens, Brian Raabe, James Mouton, Jeff Granger, and Brent Brede. One Sentence Summary The Twins won the World Series one year later, and that was fun.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! Hello Twins Daily! I am continuing my journey through the last 25 Minnesota Twins drafts. As promised, I will not post each here, as I don't want to create any clutter. If you are interested in previous entries, you can find them here: 1988 1989 There! Here's 1990: The 1989 draft produced one of the biggest names of the Twins' last quarter-century, in Chuck Knoblauch. How could the 1990 draft compete with that? Well, maybe the Twins didn't want that! Perhaps they didn't care about the 1990 draft after the success of the 1989 draft. Yeah. So, here's some stuff about this "nothing to prove" draft from 1990. 1st Round Picks The Twins had two this year! They had a second first rounder as compensation for losing Jeff Reardon in free agency. Twice as nice! Well. The Twins drafted Todd Ritchie and Midre Cummings. Yep. Ah, but don't worry, the Twins had two second round picks in 1990 as well. They also got a second-round pick for losing Reardon. Wow, Jeff Reardon is the gift that keeps on giving. The Twins used their seconds on Jayhawk Owens and Ron Caridad. Let's just move on. Ah, but what if? What if the Twins had drafted a post? Could the post have fared better? More seriously, Mike Mussina went 24th overall, some twelve picks past Ritchie. The Twins wanted a right-handed starter, but they got the wrong one. Luckily, no one has ever heard of Mike Mussina. Wait. Best Player Drafted The Twins drafted "Everyday" Eddie Guardado in the 21st round. Guardado was both effective and popular. Those are not words one would use to describe Todd Ritchie, or Jayhawk Owens for that matter. Guardado went on to have a very long and fun career. Worst Player to Reach MLB The Twins drafted Brent Brede in the 5th round. He posted a robust -1.7 WAR in about 170 games. This draft is depressing. The One Who Got Away No one. The Twins didn't even draft and not sign a good player this year. No one. Best Name Chris Gump in the 47th round. Little known fact - Forrest Gump's cousin. Fun Facts It wasn't all bad. The Twins did draft Rich Becker and Pat Meares in 1990. We've heard of them. In fact, the Twins' first five picks had a lower combined career WAR than Becker. 3rd Round pick Jamie Ogden went to White Bear Lake High School. This means that Ogden was a Bear and might explain his lack of big league success. He was a bear. Bears have massive paws and cannot hold balls and bats. Todd Ritchie somehow won 43 career games. The Twins also had a second third round pick, as compensation for losing Wally Backman. Apparently in the 90s, teams were compensated for losing Wally Backmans. Seriously. All those drafted who made it to the Bigs Eddie Guardado, Damian Miller, Rich Becker, Todd Ritchie, Pat Meares, Midre Cummings, Jayhawk Owens, Brian Raabe, James Mouton, Jeff Granger, and Brent Brede. One Sentence Summary The Twins won the World Series one year later, and that was fun.

Thank you! His glasses are almost exactly the shape of the sunglasses I wear and I can't get over it.

Weekend Recap Twins' starters combined for 2 strikeouts in 17 innings against the Orioles. Yikes. Baltimore doesn't strike out a lot as a team, but my goodness, 2 strikeouts in 17 innings? The starters have to do better than that. I get the whole pitch to contact, let the defense do their thing, battle, achieve success idea, but this is too extreme for me. Strikeouts aren't everything and some pitchers can get away with low totals. However, not many can get away with it for a long time. Relying on batted balls to make over 95% of the team's outs is not a great long-term strategy. Joe Mauer is pretty good. He went 8-12 this weekend, added two walks and stroked four doubles. He went through a mini-slump a couple weeks back and I'm sure everyone was convinced that his career was over. It wasn't. Mauer now leads the offense in just about every possible category and is on pace for over 70 doubles. Honestly, if he hit 70 doubles, it would not surprise me all that much. Wei-Yin Chen is left-handed. Wei-Yin Chen is a soft-tosser. Wei-Yin Chen pitched against the Twins on a Sunday afternoon. Given this information, the next sentence could be predicted by a time-travelling space-ape with minor brain damage and a lot on his mind. Wei-Yin Chen shut out the Twins for five innings and won on Sunday. Chen left the game with an oblique injury, likely from repeatedly making the "two hands clasped together, shaking triumphantly over each shoulder, back and forth" gesture too frequently. Manny Machado is really good. #analysis Random Plug Grant Brisbee is fantastic. He writes for Baseball Nation of SB Nation and also for McCovey Chronicles of SB Nation. While he primarily writes about the San Francisco Giants, he does also post some general baseball thoughts. This week, he posted some "scouting reports" that he found from the newly released Hall of Fame scouting reports. They are extremely clever and hilarious. If you haven't read them yet, you really should. Random Photoshop Prior to that post, I had planned to send a "thank you" card of sorts to Brisbee, for all the fun articles I have enjoyed over the years. So, I made this photoshop of The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper album cover, with Hunter Pence's head in place of all the people on the cover. The results are terrifying and fascinating. Enjoy: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iBmoI0zhY4A/UZBHA3mlJ4I/AAAAAAAAArE/JI95wgAjf1Y/s400/sgtpence.jpg Former Twin Here's a sad tweet: Astros Sign Edgar Gonzalez, Designate Philip Humber bit.ly/17hxdMz #mlb — MLB Trade Rumors (@mlbtraderumors) May 12, 2013 Well, the Edgar Gonzalez part is nice for him, but Philip Humber getting DFA'ed is too bad. Since his perfect game last season, Humber has been pretty awful. He was once a major part of the package that the Twins acquired for Johan Santana and now he is probably worse than Santana and Santana isn't even playing. He might get one more chance, but getting released by the Astros is not promising. My response to a hypothetical Facebook Question Q: Two days in a row without Hicks (Aaron Hicks). How are they going to score runs without his bat in the lineup? Hahahahha. A: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That is freaking hilarious! I mean, how are they going to score without one of their worst offensive players, right? Right?!? Right?!!?!??! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! This is fantastic. Ignore the fact that Hicks is one of the most promising players on the team and just focus on the fact that he hasn't done well in one month of play. AHHAHAHAHAH. But seriously, I'm sure you will love Hicks when he's playing well. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Fun Baseball Card from the past Why do big glasses look so odd, but big sunglasses are pretty much standard? What do you think, Max Venable? http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-56nmKj9hV1E/UZBKPQwEOaI/AAAAAAAAArU/9XiuEzfvIG8/s320/ds_1986_donruss_venable.jpg Yeah, I don't get it either. Fun Stat The Twins pitcher with the most strikeouts in a game versus the Orioles? Johan Santana, with 14 on September 19, 2004. He struck out seven times the amount of Orioles as Twins' starters struck out this whole weekend. Never forget: Johan Santana was cool/awesome. Link to something I wrote I decided to recap each of the last 25 Twins drafts, leading up to the 2013 draft in June. I posted 1988 on Sunday, and you can read it here. It's a hoot. Do you remember Johnny Ard? Neither did I. Cool. Link to something stupid I wrote For some odd reason, I decided to start a Facebook Group. There is currently one "like" and probably some (like 7?) more to come. Once I reach 50 "likes" I will give away my prized Gary Wayne 1991 Score baseball card. If that prize isn't worth clicking a button and enduring countless annoying Facebook updates, then I don't know what is. You can find it here: Kevin Slowey was Facebooked! Parting Haiku Joe loves to double Anything less is trouble Home run allergy

Weekend Recap Twins' starters combined for 2 strikeouts in 17 innings against the Orioles. Yikes. Baltimore doesn't strike out a lot as a team, but my goodness, 2 strikeouts in 17 innings? The starters have to do better than that. I get the whole pitch to contact, let the defense do their thing, battle, achieve success idea, but this is too extreme for me. Strikeouts aren't everything and some pitchers can get away with low totals. However, not many can get away with it for a long time. Relying on batted balls to make over 95% of the team's outs is not a great long-term strategy. Joe Mauer is pretty good. He went 8-12 this weekend, added two walks and stroked four doubles. He went through a mini-slump a couple weeks back and I'm sure everyone was convinced that his career was over. It wasn't. Mauer now leads the offense in just about every possible category and is on pace for over 70 doubles. Honestly, if he hit 70 doubles, it would not surprise me all that much. Wei-Yin Chen is left-handed. Wei-Yin Chen is a soft-tosser. Wei-Yin Chen pitched against the Twins on a Sunday afternoon. Given this information, the next sentence could be predicted by a time-travelling space-ape with minor brain damage and a lot on his mind. Wei-Yin Chen shut out the Twins for five innings and won on Sunday. Chen left the game with an oblique injury, likely from repeatedly making the "two hands clasped together, shaking triumphantly over each shoulder, back and forth" gesture too frequently. Manny Machado is really good. #analysis Random Plug Grant Brisbee is fantastic. He writes for Baseball Nation of SB Nation and also for McCovey Chronicles of SB Nation. While he primarily writes about the San Francisco Giants, he does also post some general baseball thoughts. This week, he posted some "scouting reports" that he found from the newly released Hall of Fame scouting reports. They are extremely clever and hilarious. If you haven't read them yet, you really should. Random Photoshop Prior to that post, I had planned to send a "thank you" card of sorts to Brisbee, for all the fun articles I have enjoyed over the years. So, I made this photoshop of The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper album cover, with Hunter Pence's head in place of all the people on the cover. The results are terrifying and fascinating. Enjoy: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iBmoI0zhY4A/UZBHA3mlJ4I/AAAAAAAAArE/JI95wgAjf1Y/s400/sgtpence.jpg Former Twin Here's a sad tweet: Astros Sign Edgar Gonzalez, Designate Philip Humber bit.ly/17hxdMz #mlb — MLB Trade Rumors (@mlbtraderumors) May 12, 2013 Well, the Edgar Gonzalez part is nice for him, but Philip Humber getting DFA'ed is too bad. Since his perfect game last season, Humber has been pretty awful. He was once a major part of the package that the Twins acquired for Johan Santana and now he is probably worse than Santana and Santana isn't even playing. He might get one more chance, but getting released by the Astros is not promising. My response to a hypothetical Facebook Question Q: Two days in a row without Hicks (Aaron Hicks). How are they going to score runs without his bat in the lineup? Hahahahha. A: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That is freaking hilarious! I mean, how are they going to score without one of their worst offensive players, right? Right?!? Right?!!?!??! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! This is fantastic. Ignore the fact that Hicks is one of the most promising players on the team and just focus on the fact that he hasn't done well in one month of play. AHHAHAHAHAH. But seriously, I'm sure you will love Hicks when he's playing well. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Fun Baseball Card from the past Why do big glasses look so odd, but big sunglasses are pretty much standard? What do you think, Max Venable? http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-56nmKj9hV1E/UZBKPQwEOaI/AAAAAAAAArU/9XiuEzfvIG8/s320/ds_1986_donruss_venable.jpg Yeah, I don't get it either. Fun Stat The Twins pitcher with the most strikeouts in a game versus the Orioles? Johan Santana, with 14 on September 19, 2004. He struck out seven times the amount of Orioles as Twins' starters struck out this whole weekend. Never forget: Johan Santana was cool/awesome. Link to something I wrote I decided to recap each of the last 25 Twins drafts, leading up to the 2013 draft in June. I posted 1988 on Sunday, and you can read it here. It's a hoot. Do you remember Johnny Ard? Neither did I. Cool. Link to something stupid I wrote For some odd reason, I decided to start a Facebook Group. There is currently one "like" and probably some (like 7?) more to come. Once I reach 50 "likes" I will give away my prized Gary Wayne 1991 Score baseball card. If that prize isn't worth clicking a button and enduring countless annoying Facebook updates, then I don't know what is. You can find it here: Kevin Slowey was Facebooked! Parting Haiku Joe loves to double Anything less is trouble Home run allergy

aaaaaa! That was ard to read, but totally worth it!

You're welcome, I loved that article.

Thanks, and a valuable public service announcement too.

Welcome to 25 drafts in 25 days! Over the next few weeks, I will be writing brief recaps of the last 25 drafts in Twins' history. This will all culminate with the 2013 draft, when the Twins will select 4th overall. I know that the MLB draft isn't as hyped as the NBA or NFL draft, due to the age and experience of the players involved, but the draft is an important tool used to build a franchise, especially for the Twins. This coming draft is extremely important, as the Twins have the opportunity to add to an already stacked farm system. Twins Daily, I don't want to bombard you with these recaps, so I'll just post one every 3-4 days. I'll have links to those that I do not directly post here, but you can always check each year out daily at my blog: Kevin Slowey was Framed! I plan to post each of these around 11am for the next 25 days at that site. You can stop crying now. Housekeeping aside, we'll start back in 1988 and work our way to the present. 1st Round Pick The Twins drafted right-hander Johnny Ard out of Manatee Community College in Bradenton, Florida with the 20th overall pick in the 1988 draft. Manatee Community College. Unfortunately, Johnny didn't want to put in the Ard work it takes to get to the Bigs. I don't know that to be true. Glancing at his Minor League stats tells a lot, as he walked a lot of batters and didn't strike many out. Pretty Ard sell for me. Ah, but what if? Well, the 1988 draft kinda sucked. Robin Ventura was by far the best player, but he was drafted 10th overall. Alex Fernandez posted a 28.9 WAR for his career and went 24th overall to the Brewers. I am guessing the Twins would have preferred Fernandez to Ard, but only in hindsight of course. Best Player Drafted In the 11th round, with the 284th pick, the Twins selected J.T. Bruett. Bruett posted a career WAR of 0.2. That was the best number of any player that the Twins actually drafted and signed in 1988. A couple of their 1988 draftees had better careers, but we will get to that in a bit. Worst Player to Reach MLB In the 9th round, the Twins selected Doug Simons. Simons posted a -1.5 WAR, thus hurting the teams he played for, just by being around. He never pitched for the Twins, luckily. Simons posted a career 6.68 ERA in 66 career innings. Tons of sixes aside, he didn't really do much. The One Who Got Away The Twins drafted Aaron Sele in the 37th round, but he chose to be a dork and go to college. He was later selected 23rd overall by the Red Sox, so who's a dork now? He won 148 career games and was a player I often heard Twins fans long for. He had a career ERA+ of 100, which is league average, but compared with the entire remaining Twins' draft, he was Roger Clemens. Best Name Deryk Gross - 12th Round - What a difference one "y" makes. Fun Facts 6th Round pick Pat Mahomes had a better career batting average than 4th round pick Steve Dunn, who was a first baseman The Twins selected Steve Dunn in the 4th round and then Steve Dean in the 5th round. Someone found that funny, I bet. Steve Dean did not make it to the Majors, thus having a WAR of 0. Steve Dunn did make it to the Majors and posted a WAR of -0.4, thus making him the less valuable Steve. Alan Newman was drafted 50th overall. Everyone remembers Alan Newman. He was 6' 6" and 240 lb out of La Habra, California. He was not Al Newman. The Twins drafted Scott Stahoviak in the 27th round, but he did not sign. He'd be back. A guy I went to high school with had a Scott Stahoviak jersey. Seriously. All those drafted who made it to the Bigs Alan Newman, Steve Dunn, Pat Mahomes, Doug Simons, J.T. Bruett, Scott Stahoviak and Aaron Sele One Sentence Summary The Minnesota Twins drafted some players in the 1988 draft and all of those players were horrible.

Welcome to 25 drafts in 25 days! Over the next few weeks, I will be writing brief recaps of the last 25 drafts in Twins' history. This will all culminate with the 2013 draft, when the Twins will select 4th overall. I know that the MLB draft isn't as hyped as the NBA or NFL draft, due to the age and experience of the players involved, but the draft is an important tool used to build a franchise, especially for the Twins. This coming draft is extremely important, as the Twins have the opportunity to add to an already stacked farm system. Twins Daily, I don't want to bombard you with these recaps, so I'll just post one every 3-4 days. I'll have links to those that I do not directly post here, but you can always check each year out daily at my blog: Kevin Slowey was Framed! I plan to post each of these around 11am for the next 25 days at that site. You can stop crying now. Housekeeping aside, we'll start back in 1988 and work our way to the present. 1st Round Pick The Twins drafted right-hander Johnny Ard out of Manatee Community College in Bradenton, Florida with the 20th overall pick in the 1988 draft. Manatee Community College. Unfortunately, Johnny didn't want to put in the Ard work it takes to get to the Bigs. I don't know that to be true. Glancing at his Minor League stats tells a lot, as he walked a lot of batters and didn't strike many out. Pretty Ard sell for me. Ah, but what if? Well, the 1988 draft kinda sucked. Robin Ventura was by far the best player, but he was drafted 10th overall. Alex Fernandez posted a 28.9 WAR for his career and went 24th overall to the Brewers. I am guessing the Twins would have preferred Fernandez to Ard, but only in hindsight of course. Best Player Drafted In the 11th round, with the 284th pick, the Twins selected J.T. Bruett. Bruett posted a career WAR of 0.2. That was the best number of any player that the Twins actually drafted and signed in 1988. A couple of their 1988 draftees had better careers, but we will get to that in a bit. Worst Player to Reach MLB In the 9th round, the Twins selected Doug Simons. Simons posted a -1.5 WAR, thus hurting the teams he played for, just by being around. He never pitched for the Twins, luckily. Simons posted a career 6.68 ERA in 66 career innings. Tons of sixes aside, he didn't really do much. The One Who Got Away The Twins drafted Aaron Sele in the 37th round, but he chose to be a dork and go to college. He was later selected 23rd overall by the Red Sox, so who's a dork now? He won 148 career games and was a player I often heard Twins fans long for. He had a career ERA+ of 100, which is league average, but compared with the entire remaining Twins' draft, he was Roger Clemens. Best Name Deryk Gross - 12th Round - What a difference one "y" makes. Fun Facts 6th Round pick Pat Mahomes had a better career batting average than 4th round pick Steve Dunn, who was a first baseman The Twins selected Steve Dunn in the 4th round and then Steve Dean in the 5th round. Someone found that funny, I bet. Steve Dean did not make it to the Majors, thus having a WAR of 0. Steve Dunn did make it to the Majors and posted a WAR of -0.4, thus making him the less valuable Steve. Alan Newman was drafted 50th overall. Everyone remembers Alan Newman. He was 6' 6" and 240 lb out of La Habra, California. He was not Al Newman. The Twins drafted Scott Stahoviak in the 27th round, but he did not sign. He'd be back. A guy I went to high school with had a Scott Stahoviak jersey. Seriously. All those drafted who made it to the Bigs Alan Newman, Steve Dunn, Pat Mahomes, Doug Simons, J.T. Bruett, Scott Stahoviak and Aaron Sele One Sentence Summary The Minnesota Twins drafted some players in the 1988 draft and all of those players were horrible.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! On Tuesday night, Aaron Hicks made a nice running catch and flipped the ball with his glove to Brian Dozier, all in one motion. I cheered; Ron Gardenhire hissed. Gardenhire was likely upset with how nonchalant Hicks was or perhaps jealous of how silky smooth Hicks is. Regardless, an ensuing "conversation" in the dugout was caught on FSN's cameras and set off an explosion of commentary and crying (mostly from me). Odds are, their conversation was about that play, but I can't help but think it could have been about something else. Here are a few working theories that I have: Option 1 - Cold hands Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: What did I tell you about leaving the hot plate plugged in while you're not in the same room? Hicks: Don't leave the hot plate plugged in, it could start a fire. Gardy: Right, and what did I see when I went into the clubhouse a few minutes ago? Hicks: (sheepishly) The hot plate was plugged in. Gardy: THE HOT PLATE WAS PLUGGED IN! DO YOU WANT TO START A FIRE? DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THAT HOT PLATE IS? I'M TEMPTED TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU! Hicks: No! I need it! Gardy: You NEED to understand that a fire in the clubhouse kills us all. Is that what you want? Hicks. (more sheepishly) No... Gardy: Look, I don't want to die out here. I got lots of stuff I still want to do. I'm abiti... Hicks: (cuts him off) I was just using it to warm up my hands. Gardy: DO YOU THINK THAT MATTERS? DO YOU THINK THE HOT PLATE KNOWS THAT? A HOT PLATE DOESN'T HAVE A BRAIN! IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU USE IT FOR, IF YOU LEAVE IT PLUGGED IN, IT CAN START A FIRE! (pauses) I can't talk about this again, go sit down. Option 2 - I ain't afraid of no ghosts Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: What happened out there? Hicks: I saw him. Gardy: Saw who? Hicks: I saw the ghost. Gardy: You saw the ghost? What did we just talk about yesterday? Hicks: You say there's no such thing as ghosts, but you aren't an expert. Gardy: HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY EXPERTISE? I KNOW MORE ABOUT GHOSTS THAN YOU COULD EVER KNOW. I'VE FORGOTTEN MORE ABOUT GHOSTS THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY LEARN. I'VE LIVED THE GHOST-HUNTING LIFESTYLE AND IT IS NOT A LIFESTYLE I WANT FOR YOU... OR ANY OF MY PLAYERS! GHOSTS AREN'T REAL! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? Hicks: I know what I saw. Gardy: YOU SAW NOTHING! (creepily calms into a zen-like trance) I'm tired of going through this with you, go sit down. Option 3 - You can't eat the soaps Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: I can't help but notice that the nice, decorative soaps that I put in the washroom are all wet and slightly smaller. I also can't help but notice that you were the last one to use the washroom. Care to explain? Hicks: Uh, I washed my hands. Gardy: Right, and I applaud you for that. However, what does the word decorative mean? Hicks: That it's a decoration. Gardy: EXACTLY! YOU DON'T USE THE DECORATIVE SOAPS, YOU ADMIRE THEM AND YOU ENJOY THEIR DECORATIVE PRESENCE, BUT YOU DON'T USE THEM! THAT'S WHY WE HAVE THE LIQUID SOAP! Hicks: Isn't soap soap? Gardy: IF SOAP WERE SOAP, THEN WHY IS SOME SOAP LIQUID AND SOME SOAP SHAPED LIKE LITTLE TWINS LOGOS? IF SOAP WERE SOAP, WHY DID I SPENT 30 MINUTES GIVING A POWERPOINT ABOUT THE NEW DECORATIVE SOAPS IN THE WASHROOM. I'M STARTING TO THINK YOU AREN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO MY PRE-GAME SPEECHES. GO SIT DOWN; YOU GO SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW! Hicks: (hangs head, sits down) Gardy: (muttering to himself) Is soap soap? Option 4 - Apples suck Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: What did you bring for the post-game treat? Hicks: Uh, apples and juice boxes. Gardy: Are you serious? Hicks: Yeah, my nutritionist thought it was appropriate since we're all athletes and we need apples. Gardy: Come on. Hicks: I'm sorry, it wasn't my choice. Gardy: Man, I wanted a candy bar or something. Hicks: Can't you just get a different treat? You don't have to eat the apple. Gardy: THAT'S NOT THE POINT! THE POINT IS THAT EACH PLAYER HAS TO BRING TREATS AND EVERY OTHER GUY ON THIS TEAM BRINGS SOMETHING DELICIOUS AND FUN AND YOU BRING APPLES WHICH SUCK! Hicks: I didn't pick apples. Gardy: OH YOU'LL BE PICKING APPLES! YOU'LL BE PICKING APPLES ALL DAY LONG IF YOU DON'T SHAPE UP AND BRING TREATS THAT EVERYONE ENJOYS! I'LL ANNEX YOU FROM THIS TEAM SO FAST! DON'T TEST ME! (points at Joe Mauer) LOOK WHAT I DID TO MAUER WHEN HE BROUGHT MILK! (Mauer slowly rolls down his sleeves to cover the bruises, averts his gaze) Gardy: Disgusting. Go sit down. Option 5 - Deadliest Spoilers Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: Did you watch Deadliest Catch? Hicks: Yes! Can you believe that Junior stabbed Keith in the back like that? Gardy: SPOILER ALERT, GEEZ HICKS! I asked if you watched it, not for a synopsis. Hicks: I just assumed you saw it, since you asked. Gardy: I'm sick of your assumptions! You need to assume that I haven't seen anything until I say that I have! Hicks: Geez, I thought we were starting to really connect. Gardy: YOU THOUGHT WRONG! YOU THOUGHT SO WRONG! SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN FOREVER! Later, after the half-inning ends, Hicks starts to get up to go out into the field) Gardy: WHAT DID I TELL YOU! SIT DOWN FORVER! Hicks: *looks sad, hangs head, sits down forever* Option 6 - Honest Abe Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure. Hicks: Um, Gardy? Gardy: We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting-place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. Hicks: (to Justin Morneau) What is going on? Gardy: The brave men, living and dead who struggled here have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. Hicks: Can I... Gardy: It is for us the living rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation under God shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth. Hicks: I'm just going to go sit down. Conclusion: Gardy has a short fuse; respects decorative soap.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! On Tuesday night, Aaron Hicks made a nice running catch and flipped the ball with his glove to Brian Dozier, all in one motion. I cheered; Ron Gardenhire hissed. Gardenhire was likely upset with how nonchalant Hicks was or perhaps jealous of how silky smooth Hicks is. Regardless, an ensuing "conversation" in the dugout was caught on FSN's cameras and set off an explosion of commentary and crying (mostly from me). Odds are, their conversation was about that play, but I can't help but think it could have been about something else. Here are a few working theories that I have: Option 1 - Cold hands Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: What did I tell you about leaving the hot plate plugged in while you're not in the same room? Hicks: Don't leave the hot plate plugged in, it could start a fire. Gardy: Right, and what did I see when I went into the clubhouse a few minutes ago? Hicks: (sheepishly) The hot plate was plugged in. Gardy: THE HOT PLATE WAS PLUGGED IN! DO YOU WANT TO START A FIRE? DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THAT HOT PLATE IS? I'M TEMPTED TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU! Hicks: No! I need it! Gardy: You NEED to understand that a fire in the clubhouse kills us all. Is that what you want? Hicks. (more sheepishly) No... Gardy: Look, I don't want to die out here. I got lots of stuff I still want to do. I'm abiti... Hicks: (cuts him off) I was just using it to warm up my hands. Gardy: DO YOU THINK THAT MATTERS? DO YOU THINK THE HOT PLATE KNOWS THAT? A HOT PLATE DOESN'T HAVE A BRAIN! IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU USE IT FOR, IF YOU LEAVE IT PLUGGED IN, IT CAN START A FIRE! (pauses) I can't talk about this again, go sit down. Option 2 - I ain't afraid of no ghosts Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: What happened out there? Hicks: I saw him. Gardy: Saw who? Hicks: I saw the ghost. Gardy: You saw the ghost? What did we just talk about yesterday? Hicks: You say there's no such thing as ghosts, but you aren't an expert. Gardy: HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY EXPERTISE? I KNOW MORE ABOUT GHOSTS THAN YOU COULD EVER KNOW. I'VE FORGOTTEN MORE ABOUT GHOSTS THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY LEARN. I'VE LIVED THE GHOST-HUNTING LIFESTYLE AND IT IS NOT A LIFESTYLE I WANT FOR YOU... OR ANY OF MY PLAYERS! GHOSTS AREN'T REAL! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? Hicks: I know what I saw. Gardy: YOU SAW NOTHING! (creepily calms into a zen-like trance) I'm tired of going through this with you, go sit down. Option 3 - You can't eat the soaps Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: I can't help but notice that the nice, decorative soaps that I put in the washroom are all wet and slightly smaller. I also can't help but notice that you were the last one to use the washroom. Care to explain? Hicks: Uh, I washed my hands. Gardy: Right, and I applaud you for that. However, what does the word decorative mean? Hicks: That it's a decoration. Gardy: EXACTLY! YOU DON'T USE THE DECORATIVE SOAPS, YOU ADMIRE THEM AND YOU ENJOY THEIR DECORATIVE PRESENCE, BUT YOU DON'T USE THEM! THAT'S WHY WE HAVE THE LIQUID SOAP! Hicks: Isn't soap soap? Gardy: IF SOAP WERE SOAP, THEN WHY IS SOME SOAP LIQUID AND SOME SOAP SHAPED LIKE LITTLE TWINS LOGOS? IF SOAP WERE SOAP, WHY DID I SPENT 30 MINUTES GIVING A POWERPOINT ABOUT THE NEW DECORATIVE SOAPS IN THE WASHROOM. I'M STARTING TO THINK YOU AREN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO MY PRE-GAME SPEECHES. GO SIT DOWN; YOU GO SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW! Hicks: (hangs head, sits down) Gardy: (muttering to himself) Is soap soap? Option 4 - Apples suck Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: What did you bring for the post-game treat? Hicks: Uh, apples and juice boxes. Gardy: Are you serious? Hicks: Yeah, my nutritionist thought it was appropriate since we're all athletes and we need apples. Gardy: Come on. Hicks: I'm sorry, it wasn't my choice. Gardy: Man, I wanted a candy bar or something. Hicks: Can't you just get a different treat? You don't have to eat the apple. Gardy: THAT'S NOT THE POINT! THE POINT IS THAT EACH PLAYER HAS TO BRING TREATS AND EVERY OTHER GUY ON THIS TEAM BRINGS SOMETHING DELICIOUS AND FUN AND YOU BRING APPLES WHICH SUCK! Hicks: I didn't pick apples. Gardy: OH YOU'LL BE PICKING APPLES! YOU'LL BE PICKING APPLES ALL DAY LONG IF YOU DON'T SHAPE UP AND BRING TREATS THAT EVERYONE ENJOYS! I'LL ANNEX YOU FROM THIS TEAM SO FAST! DON'T TEST ME! (points at Joe Mauer) LOOK WHAT I DID TO MAUER WHEN HE BROUGHT MILK! (Mauer slowly rolls down his sleeves to cover the bruises, averts his gaze) Gardy: Disgusting. Go sit down. Option 5 - Deadliest Spoilers Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: Did you watch Deadliest Catch? Hicks: Yes! Can you believe that Junior stabbed Keith in the back like that? Gardy: SPOILER ALERT, GEEZ HICKS! I asked if you watched it, not for a synopsis. Hicks: I just assumed you saw it, since you asked. Gardy: I'm sick of your assumptions! You need to assume that I haven't seen anything until I say that I have! Hicks: Geez, I thought we were starting to really connect. Gardy: YOU THOUGHT WRONG! YOU THOUGHT SO WRONG! SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN FOREVER! Later, after the half-inning ends, Hicks starts to get up to go out into the field) Gardy: WHAT DID I TELL YOU! SIT DOWN FORVER! Hicks: *looks sad, hangs head, sits down forever* Option 6 - Honest Abe Gardy: Hicksie, get over here. Hicks: What's up skip? Gardy: Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure. Hicks: Um, Gardy? Gardy: We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting-place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. Hicks: (to Justin Morneau) What is going on? Gardy: The brave men, living and dead who struggled here have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. Hicks: Can I... Gardy: It is for us the living rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation under God shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth. Hicks: I'm just going to go sit down. Conclusion: Gardy has a short fuse; respects decorative soap.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! Hello all. I'm going to try to be more consistent with my posts. I figure, if anyone actually wants to read the senseless ramblings of a madman, the madman should probably be conscientious enough to provide the ramblings in a consistent manner. A couple weeks back, I posted a Gimmick Post with some fun gimmicky ideas and I enjoyed writing it. I have also written some series recaps here and there, but I usually only have time to hit the weekend series. Both are fun, but I don't have time for both. Frankenstein's monster, let's combine the two. Every Monday, I will recap the weekend series briefly and then move into some of the more random stuff, including poems, paint images and shameless self-promotion. I am also planning something for every Friday morning, although the content and format will be inconsistent. I'll also throw up some random stuff during the week, if something strikes my fancy. Enough with the idioms and explanation. Weekend Recap Clearly Kevin Correia and Mike Pelfrey switches faces for the weekend. Granted, their height, build, pitching style, body language, and pretty much everything else looked the same. Regardless, their performances from the weekend can only be explained by a Face/Off situation where Correia needed to pump some information from Pelfrey's incarcerated brother. Pelfrey had his first great start with the Twins on Sunday and Correia had his first clunker on Saturday. Starting pitching has been the litmus test all season long. The Twins got two poor starts this weekend and one good start. Not surprisingly, the Twins won Pelfrey's good start and lost Correia and Pedro Hernandez's poor starts. On offense, I get way too excited about home runs. Aaron Hicks hit his first career home run and I actually cheered out loud. I pumped my fist and everything. It was embarrassing and my dog moved to another part of the couch as a result. Chris Parmelee and Trevor Plouffe each hit home runs in the series and I of course assumed each was playing really well as a result. They really aren't. Home runs are fun though. Random Top 5 List The Top 5 Lowest Season BB/9 in Twins' history: Carlos Silva - 0.43 - 2005 Brad Radke - 1.03 - 2005 Brad Radke - 1.04 - 2001 Brad Radke - 1.07 - 2004 Brad Radke - 1.19 - 2003 Answer to a Hypothetical Facebook Question Q: Twins? in the ALLSTAR game? What? A: The MLB All-Star Game is played every July. All-Star is one hyphenated word and you do not need to capitalize the whole word. Each season, fans get to vote for the players who they feel are the best in the game. Generally, they do a pretty terrible job, but have yet to be fired or even issued a written warning. The Twins will have a player on the ballot at each position. When you get a ballot, either at a game or on the internet, you can select the players who you feel are most deserving. This includes Joe Mauer, if you want to vote for him. If you are basing your All-Star vote on a player's most recent 25 at-bats, you will be disenfranchised. Each team will have at least one All-Star, so if you feel that no one on the team deserves the honor, you will be disappointed to be forced to watch a player from your favorite team, should you choose to watch the All-Star Game. That being said, voting at an actual game is a total calamity, as those little holes are hardly easy to punch. Typically, attempting to punch those holes will end in frustration and/or oversized holes. Random Paint Image http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CTMVUrcHanQ/UYbRLGjl5pI/AAAAAAAAAnc/I8qJKwWklmk/s400/Delmon+Dam.png Delmon Young is back in the Bigs! I drew this during the World Series last year. I can't remember why and it needs to see the light of day. I guess that explains why Delmon is wearing a Tigers hat. Anyway, in this portrayal, Delmon has taken a poor route on a fly ball, wandered out of the stadium and rammed into Detroit's water supply, flooding the city. But then, you probably already knew that from the image. Random Plug Sam Miller is fantastic. He writes for Baseball Prospectus and tends to aim for the lighter side of baseball. In this article, he created the International Conference On Reverse Engineering The Rules Of 21st Century Recreational Activities in order to determine how baseball was fun. I laughed out loud at least three times and considered quitting writing altogether as well. Read it! Random Stat Kevin Correia gave up two home runs in the first inning on Saturday. He had only allowed two home runs in 36 prior innings this season. That's nuts!!! Update on a Former Twin/Something stupid I wrote http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UyDe9GLdFyc/UYbbk4wWlNI/AAAAAAAAAns/RIPNfcIcO6A/s400/sloweywins.PNG Two for one! Kevin Slowey won a baseball game on Sunday. IKR? He hadn't won since September of 2010. I am well aware that I am easily the most excited Twins' fan when it comes to Slowey's success. I thought he was great but the Twins justifiably disagreed. He didn't really produce and if he was a pain in the clubhouse, then I get shipping him off. I hate when the media rips him, but generally ignore it. When Dick Bremer was talking trash about him during a game about a month ago, I got all this random traffic to my blog, with people searching for reasons why the Twins didn't like Slowey and instead finding posts about 1989 Donruss and a picture of Trevor Plouffe squaring off against a baby cow. Regardless, I appreciate the traffic. Thank you, Dick. Anyway, no one wants to see a person fail so spectacularly for so long. Plus, Slowey has been really good this season, posting a 1.81 ERA in 44.2 innings. I'm glad he won and I think he has to be the NL Comeback Player of the Year to this point. So that's nice. The two for one comes with this link: Kevin Slowey never wins. I wrote this on Saturday, and it's probably the worst thing ever written. Not by me, by anyone. But, it's fun, so it's cool. Enjoy. Something not stupid I wrote Back in January, in an effort to celebrate TwinsFest, I ranked my 10 favorite Twins of all-time and drew a Paint image to accompany each player. My proudest drawing ever is included and I would be delighted if anyone wants to guess which Paint I am most proud of. Here is the link: Top 10 Twins. Parting Haiku Home runs are so fun Thrill for both fans and players Ben Revere has none

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! Hello all. I'm going to try to be more consistent with my posts. I figure, if anyone actually wants to read the senseless ramblings of a madman, the madman should probably be conscientious enough to provide the ramblings in a consistent manner. A couple weeks back, I posted a Gimmick Post with some fun gimmicky ideas and I enjoyed writing it. I have also written some series recaps here and there, but I usually only have time to hit the weekend series. Both are fun, but I don't have time for both. Frankenstein's monster, let's combine the two. Every Monday, I will recap the weekend series briefly and then move into some of the more random stuff, including poems, paint images and shameless self-promotion. I am also planning something for every Friday morning, although the content and format will be inconsistent. I'll also throw up some random stuff during the week, if something strikes my fancy. Enough with the idioms and explanation. Weekend Recap Clearly Kevin Correia and Mike Pelfrey switches faces for the weekend. Granted, their height, build, pitching style, body language, and pretty much everything else looked the same. Regardless, their performances from the weekend can only be explained by a Face/Off situation where Correia needed to pump some information from Pelfrey's incarcerated brother. Pelfrey had his first great start with the Twins on Sunday and Correia had his first clunker on Saturday. Starting pitching has been the litmus test all season long. The Twins got two poor starts this weekend and one good start. Not surprisingly, the Twins won Pelfrey's good start and lost Correia and Pedro Hernandez's poor starts. On offense, I get way too excited about home runs. Aaron Hicks hit his first career home run and I actually cheered out loud. I pumped my fist and everything. It was embarrassing and my dog moved to another part of the couch as a result. Chris Parmelee and Trevor Plouffe each hit home runs in the series and I of course assumed each was playing really well as a result. They really aren't. Home runs are fun though. Random Top 5 List The Top 5 Lowest Season BB/9 in Twins' history: Carlos Silva - 0.43 - 2005 Brad Radke - 1.03 - 2005 Brad Radke - 1.04 - 2001 Brad Radke - 1.07 - 2004 Brad Radke - 1.19 - 2003 Answer to a Hypothetical Facebook Question Q: Twins? in the ALLSTAR game? What? A: The MLB All-Star Game is played every July. All-Star is one hyphenated word and you do not need to capitalize the whole word. Each season, fans get to vote for the players who they feel are the best in the game. Generally, they do a pretty terrible job, but have yet to be fired or even issued a written warning. The Twins will have a player on the ballot at each position. When you get a ballot, either at a game or on the internet, you can select the players who you feel are most deserving. This includes Joe Mauer, if you want to vote for him. If you are basing your All-Star vote on a player's most recent 25 at-bats, you will be disenfranchised. Each team will have at least one All-Star, so if you feel that no one on the team deserves the honor, you will be disappointed to be forced to watch a player from your favorite team, should you choose to watch the All-Star Game. That being said, voting at an actual game is a total calamity, as those little holes are hardly easy to punch. Typically, attempting to punch those holes will end in frustration and/or oversized holes. Random Paint Image http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CTMVUrcHanQ/UYbRLGjl5pI/AAAAAAAAAnc/I8qJKwWklmk/s400/Delmon+Dam.png Delmon Young is back in the Bigs! I drew this during the World Series last year. I can't remember why and it needs to see the light of day. I guess that explains why Delmon is wearing a Tigers hat. Anyway, in this portrayal, Delmon has taken a poor route on a fly ball, wandered out of the stadium and rammed into Detroit's water supply, flooding the city. But then, you probably already knew that from the image. Random Plug Sam Miller is fantastic. He writes for Baseball Prospectus and tends to aim for the lighter side of baseball. In this article, he created the International Conference On Reverse Engineering The Rules Of 21st Century Recreational Activities in order to determine how baseball was fun. I laughed out loud at least three times and considered quitting writing altogether as well. Read it! Random Stat Kevin Correia gave up two home runs in the first inning on Saturday. He had only allowed two home runs in 36 prior innings this season. That's nuts!!! Update on a Former Twin/Something stupid I wrote http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UyDe9GLdFyc/UYbbk4wWlNI/AAAAAAAAAns/RIPNfcIcO6A/s400/sloweywins.PNG Two for one! Kevin Slowey won a baseball game on Sunday. IKR? He hadn't won since September of 2010. I am well aware that I am easily the most excited Twins' fan when it comes to Slowey's success. I thought he was great but the Twins justifiably disagreed. He didn't really produce and if he was a pain in the clubhouse, then I get shipping him off. I hate when the media rips him, but generally ignore it. When Dick Bremer was talking trash about him during a game about a month ago, I got all this random traffic to my blog, with people searching for reasons why the Twins didn't like Slowey and instead finding posts about 1989 Donruss and a picture of Trevor Plouffe squaring off against a baby cow. Regardless, I appreciate the traffic. Thank you, Dick. Anyway, no one wants to see a person fail so spectacularly for so long. Plus, Slowey has been really good this season, posting a 1.81 ERA in 44.2 innings. I'm glad he won and I think he has to be the NL Comeback Player of the Year to this point. So that's nice. The two for one comes with this link: Kevin Slowey never wins. I wrote this on Saturday, and it's probably the worst thing ever written. Not by me, by anyone. But, it's fun, so it's cool. Enjoy. Something not stupid I wrote Back in January, in an effort to celebrate TwinsFest, I ranked my 10 favorite Twins of all-time and drew a Paint image to accompany each player. My proudest drawing ever is included and I would be delighted if anyone wants to guess which Paint I am most proud of. Here is the link: Top 10 Twins. Parting Haiku Home runs are so fun Thrill for both fans and players Ben Revere has none

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! September 18, 2010. What does that day mean to you? Possibly nothing, perhaps more than that, but ultimately, it was just another day. It was just another day for Kevin Slowey as well. Slowey awoke fresh that morning, went to the ballpark and started a baseball game for the Minnesota Twins. Slowey pitched well, going 6.2 innings, giving up just two runs on five hits and a walk. He struck out eight and improved his record to 13-6. The ball literally jumped from his hand, like a basketball player jumping for an offensive rebound and then throwing down a powerful put-back dunk. Little did Slowey know that he would still be waiting for his next win to this very day. Two and a half years, but only fifteen dreadful starts later, Slowey is still searching for that next win. The path toward that elusive win has been winding, like a snake living in a terrarium that is too small. His travels have taken him all over the nation, but success has not followed. This isn't easy to swallow for the 2005 second-round pick out of Winthrop. He made Minor League Baseball look silly, like a tall guy walking on his tip-toes through a forest of miniature model train trees. It only took him three years to reach the Big Leagues, but he was back in the Minors in just that same short, fleeting, momentary, passing period of time. How Slowey returned to the Minors is a sordid tale, one that is difficult to express clearly and without constant metaphor. A Pittsburgh-native, Slowey was known for his steely demeanor and nerdish leanings. His book learning was frowned upon and his intelligent manner of communicating was spat upon with the disdain of many generations of Proletariat backlash. That Slowey was smarter than those in the room was a demon that seethed within his belly, lashing out repeatedly when Slowey was forced to interact with members of the Media and clownish teammates. Slowey harnessed that demon on the mound, using it as motivation, like an eight-year-old with a father who makes him play a sport for 12 months straight and then watch videotape of his performance to make him a better player even though all he really wants to do is watch some TV. Using that motivation, Slowey became a reliable hand, someone the Twins could really turn to in times of need. Times like when Slowey started games. But Slowey never really fit in with his team. In a lot of ways, he was the Zubaz of Minnesota. He was liked because he was comfortable, but he just didn't look right or fit well or gain the respect of the other pants, so to speak. 2011 would be Slowey's lowest point as a pitcher. He spent the majority of the season battling shoulder and abdominal pains like a warrior fighting a mythical beast while also learning how to love. When he had slain his own body like a two-headed dragon, he was ready to get that next win. However, that next win would be a figurative two-headed dragon, who could breathe both fire and ineffective pitches. At the end of that fateful season, as if written in the stars, Slowey finished without that elusive, slippery, mysterious win and added a 6.66 ERA to boot. This would be Slowey's final season with the Mighty Clones of the North. The force of his potent brain was too much for the Twins' clubhouse. He read Newsweek instead of nothing. The Twins shipped Slowey off to the Rockies of Colorado, both physically and baseballically. Slowey wouldn't last long amongst the mighty mountains of the Northwest, ending his travels in Cleveland, a city where all dreams come true. Alas, Slowey's Cleveland dreams of winning baseball were dashed, sputtered out like one of those old-timey cars that you see at a car show but that also isn't running well and is just a model at this point. Slowey wouldn't pitch an inning for the Indians, spending his season split between the misery of injury and the humiliation of Minor League Baseball. Slowey's tale was as winding as a long, gross rat tail, but was also very close to falling off altogether. Flash forward to just one year later. Slowey had resurfaced in Miami, a city best known for Burn Notice. Through fortitude, hard work, grit, guile, resilience, cunning, wiliness, slyness, command and control, Slowey reached the highest level of the Majors, as if he had climbed his own Mount Kilimanjaro or a really long staircase. Now at the top once more, Slowey was ready to earn that unattainable win, and slay the dragon, oppress the Proletariat and conquer the Zubaz while getting that cameo on Burn Notice that he so richly deserves. Fate is a cruel mistress. Fate is unkind. Fate is a that person who won't move over in the fast lane. Slowey has been dynamic this season, like a magician set on fire while performing card tricks of the Gods. And yet, that win has eluded him, like a green shell from Mario Kart that wasn't aimed quite right. Slowey spent all of April hurling a baseball like he had never hurled before, but at the end of the month, he still sits winless. Slowey still endures. Slowey still burns. Slowey still aches. But Slowey won't relent. Slowey turns 29 today; bittersweet as birthdays always are. As the hands on the clock spin like one of those breakdancing guys who is really good at spinning on his head, it is impossible to forget about mortality. However, few will ever have to wonder what it might mean to never have another win in life. For Kevin Slowey, he has to wonder every day if that last win, way back in September of 2010, will be his last. One last fleeting moment of pure success, drenched with the sweat of hard work and dedication, dripping with the saliva of lessons learned, engorged with the tears of failed expectations and covered in the blood of man. This amalgamation of bodily fluids is all one can really ask for, and all one can really hope for another.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! September 18, 2010. What does that day mean to you? Possibly nothing, perhaps more than that, but ultimately, it was just another day. It was just another day for Kevin Slowey as well. Slowey awoke fresh that morning, went to the ballpark and started a baseball game for the Minnesota Twins. Slowey pitched well, going 6.2 innings, giving up just two runs on five hits and a walk. He struck out eight and improved his record to 13-6. The ball literally jumped from his hand, like a basketball player jumping for an offensive rebound and then throwing down a powerful put-back dunk. Little did Slowey know that he would still be waiting for his next win to this very day. Two and a half years, but only fifteen dreadful starts later, Slowey is still searching for that next win. The path toward that elusive win has been winding, like a snake living in a terrarium that is too small. His travels have taken him all over the nation, but success has not followed. This isn't easy to swallow for the 2005 second-round pick out of Winthrop. He made Minor League Baseball look silly, like a tall guy walking on his tip-toes through a forest of miniature model train trees. It only took him three years to reach the Big Leagues, but he was back in the Minors in just that same short, fleeting, momentary, passing period of time. How Slowey returned to the Minors is a sordid tale, one that is difficult to express clearly and without constant metaphor. A Pittsburgh-native, Slowey was known for his steely demeanor and nerdish leanings. His book learning was frowned upon and his intelligent manner of communicating was spat upon with the disdain of many generations of Proletariat backlash. That Slowey was smarter than those in the room was a demon that seethed within his belly, lashing out repeatedly when Slowey was forced to interact with members of the Media and clownish teammates. Slowey harnessed that demon on the mound, using it as motivation, like an eight-year-old with a father who makes him play a sport for 12 months straight and then watch videotape of his performance to make him a better player even though all he really wants to do is watch some TV. Using that motivation, Slowey became a reliable hand, someone the Twins could really turn to in times of need. Times like when Slowey started games. But Slowey never really fit in with his team. In a lot of ways, he was the Zubaz of Minnesota. He was liked because he was comfortable, but he just didn't look right or fit well or gain the respect of the other pants, so to speak. 2011 would be Slowey's lowest point as a pitcher. He spent the majority of the season battling shoulder and abdominal pains like a warrior fighting a mythical beast while also learning how to love. When he had slain his own body like a two-headed dragon, he was ready to get that next win. However, that next win would be a figurative two-headed dragon, who could breathe both fire and ineffective pitches. At the end of that fateful season, as if written in the stars, Slowey finished without that elusive, slippery, mysterious win and added a 6.66 ERA to boot. This would be Slowey's final season with the Mighty Clones of the North. The force of his potent brain was too much for the Twins' clubhouse. He read Newsweek instead of nothing. The Twins shipped Slowey off to the Rockies of Colorado, both physically and baseballically. Slowey wouldn't last long amongst the mighty mountains of the Northwest, ending his travels in Cleveland, a city where all dreams come true. Alas, Slowey's Cleveland dreams of winning baseball were dashed, sputtered out like one of those old-timey cars that you see at a car show but that also isn't running well and is just a model at this point. Slowey wouldn't pitch an inning for the Indians, spending his season split between the misery of injury and the humiliation of Minor League Baseball. Slowey's tale was as winding as a long, gross rat tail, but was also very close to falling off altogether. Flash forward to just one year later. Slowey had resurfaced in Miami, a city best known for Burn Notice. Through fortitude, hard work, grit, guile, resilience, cunning, wiliness, slyness, command and control, Slowey reached the highest level of the Majors, as if he had climbed his own Mount Kilimanjaro or a really long staircase. Now at the top once more, Slowey was ready to earn that unattainable win, and slay the dragon, oppress the Proletariat and conquer the Zubaz while getting that cameo on Burn Notice that he so richly deserves. Fate is a cruel mistress. Fate is unkind. Fate is a that person who won't move over in the fast lane. Slowey has been dynamic this season, like a magician set on fire while performing card tricks of the Gods. And yet, that win has eluded him, like a green shell from Mario Kart that wasn't aimed quite right. Slowey spent all of April hurling a baseball like he had never hurled before, but at the end of the month, he still sits winless. Slowey still endures. Slowey still burns. Slowey still aches. But Slowey won't relent. Slowey turns 29 today; bittersweet as birthdays always are. As the hands on the clock spin like one of those breakdancing guys who is really good at spinning on his head, it is impossible to forget about mortality. However, few will ever have to wonder what it might mean to never have another win in life. For Kevin Slowey, he has to wonder every day if that last win, way back in September of 2010, will be his last. One last fleeting moment of pure success, drenched with the sweat of hard work and dedication, dripping with the saliva of lessons learned, engorged with the tears of failed expectations and covered in the blood of man. This amalgamation of bodily fluids is all one can really ask for, and all one can really hope for another.

Welcome to the third installment of my (fake) mailbag. In the past, I have used this space to answer the tough questions that no one seems to want to actually ask me. Today, I have a treat! Actual questions! Well, not all of them. See if you can spot the fakes. Which flavor ice cream is Anthony Swarzak? ~ @ERolfPleiss on Twitter Now, this is a question! Well, he's certainly vanilla. That isn't a race-based statement, I just think he is kind of boring. However, he does sprinkle in some surprises here and there. He is also known to be a little strange and believes in Bigfoot. That's cool, but certainly not normal. He'd never be my first choice, but likely would not be my last choice either. That eliminates anything with coffee in it. Anthony Swarzak is a Take 5 McFlurry. It is vanilla-based and would be better with chocolate but the Kaisers at McDonalds won't make you one with chocolate ice cream. Again, not racial, I just prefer chocolate ice cream in all instances. Back to Swarzak ice cream. The Take 5 contains pretzels, caramel, peanuts and peanut butter. Each is delicious and together they form a winning combo. The addition of the Take 5 almost makes the vanilla ice cream tolerable. However, McDonalds is a corporation, so good luck getting a consistent amount of Take 5 in your McFlurry. Most times, you are left with a lot of vanilla ice cream. That's Anthony Swarzak, mostly vanilla ice cream, with some tasty treats every so often. Torii Hunter made some statements welcoming Aaron Hicks to the line of great Twins centerfielders and said he'd hit for power not just be a slap hitter. So who was Torii dissing most? ~ TwinVike61, Twins Daily member Torii Hunter seems to love nothing more than hearing Torii Hunter talk. In this instance, I believe he was aiming his comments at Ben Revere. I believe this to be true because Hunter is linked closely as some sort of mentor to Denard Span. I can't remember seeing the same thing with Revere and Hunter. Therefore, Revere is probably the slap hitter that Hunter refers to. In reality, Revere is a slap hitter with no power, so I guess Hunter is right. Hunter will almost certainly be on MLB Network when his playing career ends. I will almost certainly continue to not watch MLB Network with sound. If the Twins were forced into a situation where a position player was needed to pitch, who would they use and why? ~ Brad S, St. Paul, MN This question requires a lot of thought. First, I think the way the roster is constructed, we would only see a position player pitch if a game went to a lot of extra innings. There isn't a Drew Butera on the team that you would feed to a hungry team that has already scored 20 or so runs. Let's eliminate all the obvious names. No way the Twins risk Joe Mauer, Josh Willingham, Justin Morneau, Oswaldo Arcia, or Aaron Hicks. Each player is either too established or has too much upside. Hicks reportedly can hit 98 on the radar gun, but still, Jose Canseco. Anyone likely to start the game is unlikely to pitch, due to fatigue and whatnot. That takes out Chris Parmelee, Trevor Plouffe, Pedro Florimon and Brian Dozier, although throwing Florimon to the wolves wouldn't really mean much in the cosmos. Jamey Carroll is probably too old and Ryan Doumit only looks old, but is too frail. This leaves Eduardo Escobar and Wilkin Ramirez. Escobar has a pretty decent infield arm, so he might be the choice. However, I'd go with Ramirez for three reasons. First, he seems like a good guy. Second, he knows his spot on the team is tenuous at best, so he'll do what it takes to stay. Third, he's a pinch hitter/fifth outfielder and would be easy enough to replace (sorry Wilkin). So, my prediction is that if the Twins ever find themselves in the 18th inning of a game with no pitchers left to use, Wilkin Ramirez will take the mound and the remaining crowd of 56 will be super pumped. How many more days until Kevin Correia turns back into a pumpkin? Or would he be a totally different type of squash? ~ @ERolfPleiss When's his next start? Kidding! I actually delved quite deeply into Correia's stats earlier this week. To sum that piece up: I have no idea what statistical analysis is. However, three stats concern me. His strikeout rate and home run rates are very low and his strand rate is very high. The strikeout rate is too low for sustained success. The home run and strand rates are way out of line with his career numbers. Most 32-year-olds do not suddenly establish new baseline numbers. There are a few pieces of the equation that point toward Correia sustaining some level of this performance and not regressing all the way back to his pre-Twins days: Elite walk rate - he basically allows no runners via walk BABip isn't crazy low - he hasn't been lucky with non-home runs Relatively normal hit rate - guys get on base, just not via walk If those numbers maintain, he can remain successful to some extent. If he starts walking batters, then things can change rapidly. Finally, to address what type of squash Correia is - he is a cucumber, because I didn't know that was a type of squash and I wanted to share that new knowledge. Will any player ever top Joe Nathan's Twins career saves record? ~ Brad S, St. Paul, MN Prolly not. The reality is that long-term, established closers are a luxury that teams with middling payrolls should simply not afford. Glen Perkins is a fine closer and will likely rack up a bunch of saves in the next few seasons. However, if he ever truly establishes himself as an elite closer, the Twins should trade him as soon as they can, considering a reasonable replacement is available. The Twins' philosophy in last June's draft was to select a boatload of college relievers, convert many to starters and collect the profit. However, some of those college relievers-turned starters will convert back to relief. A few could become elite relievers, capable of replacing current set-up men and closers. If this is the case, the Twins would then be able to trade their established players for other needs or prospects. In a perfect world, no reliever even approaches Nathan's record because Nathan himself probably should have been traded long before he reached the record that he now holds. Unpopular opinion perhaps, but think of what the Twins could have gotten for Nathan after a couple of those dominant seasons. If you do drugs, what do drugs do? ~ @ERolfPleiss l don't do drugs. Drugs make me sick. They're bad for your body. Up with hope, down with dope! That being said, drugs mimic the brain's natural chemicals. However, because these chemicals are no longer in the proper quantities or being released as the brain is used to, drugs tell your brain to take more drugs, which leads to addiction. Your brain doesn't get it because it used to like these chemicals, just not like this, man. Now the brain is all confused and disjointed and things start to go all haywire and wonky. Haywire + Wonky = bad. The message is clear: No!!!!!!!!! Drugs Please use three Twins player names as verbs. ~ Brad S, St. Paul, MN Fine, but you'll have to use context clues to determine what each verb means. Mikey Pelfed his steak. He ate it anyway. Even though he was really nervous, Joey really Mauered his spelling test. He celebrated with milk. Trev really Plouffed that ball. It almost went through his legs twice. Brad Swanson is the butternut squash of blog-guys. He really Pelfed this mailbag. If you have a better answer to any of these questions or future question for him to answer, please respond in the comments. 10Q.

Welcome to the third installment of my (fake) mailbag. In the past, I have used this space to answer the tough questions that no one seems to want to actually ask me. Today, I have a treat! Actual questions! Well, not all of them. See if you can spot the fakes. Which flavor ice cream is Anthony Swarzak? ~ @ERolfPleiss on Twitter Now, this is a question! Well, he's certainly vanilla. That isn't a race-based statement, I just think he is kind of boring. However, he does sprinkle in some surprises here and there. He is also known to be a little strange and believes in Bigfoot. That's cool, but certainly not normal. He'd never be my first choice, but likely would not be my last choice either. That eliminates anything with coffee in it. Anthony Swarzak is a Take 5 McFlurry. It is vanilla-based and would be better with chocolate but the Kaisers at McDonalds won't make you one with chocolate ice cream. Again, not racial, I just prefer chocolate ice cream in all instances. Back to Swarzak ice cream. The Take 5 contains pretzels, caramel, peanuts and peanut butter. Each is delicious and together they form a winning combo. The addition of the Take 5 almost makes the vanilla ice cream tolerable. However, McDonalds is a corporation, so good luck getting a consistent amount of Take 5 in your McFlurry. Most times, you are left with a lot of vanilla ice cream. That's Anthony Swarzak, mostly vanilla ice cream, with some tasty treats every so often. Torii Hunter made some statements welcoming Aaron Hicks to the line of great Twins centerfielders and said he'd hit for power not just be a slap hitter. So who was Torii dissing most? ~ TwinVike61, Twins Daily member Torii Hunter seems to love nothing more than hearing Torii Hunter talk. In this instance, I believe he was aiming his comments at Ben Revere. I believe this to be true because Hunter is linked closely as some sort of mentor to Denard Span. I can't remember seeing the same thing with Revere and Hunter. Therefore, Revere is probably the slap hitter that Hunter refers to. In reality, Revere is a slap hitter with no power, so I guess Hunter is right. Hunter will almost certainly be on MLB Network when his playing career ends. I will almost certainly continue to not watch MLB Network with sound. If the Twins were forced into a situation where a position player was needed to pitch, who would they use and why? ~ Brad S, St. Paul, MN This question requires a lot of thought. First, I think the way the roster is constructed, we would only see a position player pitch if a game went to a lot of extra innings. There isn't a Drew Butera on the team that you would feed to a hungry team that has already scored 20 or so runs. Let's eliminate all the obvious names. No way the Twins risk Joe Mauer, Josh Willingham, Justin Morneau, Oswaldo Arcia, or Aaron Hicks. Each player is either too established or has too much upside. Hicks reportedly can hit 98 on the radar gun, but still, Jose Canseco. Anyone likely to start the game is unlikely to pitch, due to fatigue and whatnot. That takes out Chris Parmelee, Trevor Plouffe, Pedro Florimon and Brian Dozier, although throwing Florimon to the wolves wouldn't really mean much in the cosmos. Jamey Carroll is probably too old and Ryan Doumit only looks old, but is too frail. This leaves Eduardo Escobar and Wilkin Ramirez. Escobar has a pretty decent infield arm, so he might be the choice. However, I'd go with Ramirez for three reasons. First, he seems like a good guy. Second, he knows his spot on the team is tenuous at best, so he'll do what it takes to stay. Third, he's a pinch hitter/fifth outfielder and would be easy enough to replace (sorry Wilkin). So, my prediction is that if the Twins ever find themselves in the 18th inning of a game with no pitchers left to use, Wilkin Ramirez will take the mound and the remaining crowd of 56 will be super pumped. How many more days until Kevin Correia turns back into a pumpkin? Or would he be a totally different type of squash? ~ @ERolfPleiss When's his next start? Kidding! I actually delved quite deeply into Correia's stats earlier this week. To sum that piece up: I have no idea what statistical analysis is. However, three stats concern me. His strikeout rate and home run rates are very low and his strand rate is very high. The strikeout rate is too low for sustained success. The home run and strand rates are way out of line with his career numbers. Most 32-year-olds do not suddenly establish new baseline numbers. There are a few pieces of the equation that point toward Correia sustaining some level of this performance and not regressing all the way back to his pre-Twins days: Elite walk rate - he basically allows no runners via walk BABip isn't crazy low - he hasn't been lucky with non-home runs Relatively normal hit rate - guys get on base, just not via walk If those numbers maintain, he can remain successful to some extent. If he starts walking batters, then things can change rapidly. Finally, to address what type of squash Correia is - he is a cucumber, because I didn't know that was a type of squash and I wanted to share that new knowledge. Will any player ever top Joe Nathan's Twins career saves record? ~ Brad S, St. Paul, MN Prolly not. The reality is that long-term, established closers are a luxury that teams with middling payrolls should simply not afford. Glen Perkins is a fine closer and will likely rack up a bunch of saves in the next few seasons. However, if he ever truly establishes himself as an elite closer, the Twins should trade him as soon as they can, considering a reasonable replacement is available. The Twins' philosophy in last June's draft was to select a boatload of college relievers, convert many to starters and collect the profit. However, some of those college relievers-turned starters will convert back to relief. A few could become elite relievers, capable of replacing current set-up men and closers. If this is the case, the Twins would then be able to trade their established players for other needs or prospects. In a perfect world, no reliever even approaches Nathan's record because Nathan himself probably should have been traded long before he reached the record that he now holds. Unpopular opinion perhaps, but think of what the Twins could have gotten for Nathan after a couple of those dominant seasons. If you do drugs, what do drugs do? ~ @ERolfPleiss l don't do drugs. Drugs make me sick. They're bad for your body. Up with hope, down with dope! That being said, drugs mimic the brain's natural chemicals. However, because these chemicals are no longer in the proper quantities or being released as the brain is used to, drugs tell your brain to take more drugs, which leads to addiction. Your brain doesn't get it because it used to like these chemicals, just not like this, man. Now the brain is all confused and disjointed and things start to go all haywire and wonky. Haywire + Wonky = bad. The message is clear: No!!!!!!!!! Drugs Please use three Twins player names as verbs. ~ Brad S, St. Paul, MN Fine, but you'll have to use context clues to determine what each verb means. Mikey Pelfed his steak. He ate it anyway. Even though he was really nervous, Joey really Mauered his spelling test. He celebrated with milk. Trev really Plouffed that ball. It almost went through his legs twice. Brad Swanson is the butternut squash of blog-guys. He really Pelfed this mailbag. If you have a better answer to any of these questions or future question for him to answer, please respond in the comments. 10Q.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! Do you like meaningless stats? Do you enjoy cherry-picking? How about fallacy? Are you enamored with Kevin Correia and his shockingly awesome start to this season? Do you like being asked questions? I thought it might be fun to look at Kevin Correia's stats, with an eye toward history and multiplication. If you think that sounds fun as well, please keep reading. Pro-rated stats The Twins have played 22 games this season. Correia has started five games and stands to start about 28 more (give or take, depending on whether the Twins move to a one-man rotation or something bizarre like that). Wait, let's explore that. If the Twins decided, "hey, let's see if we can't make Kevin Correia's arm explode" and allowed him to become the full-time starting pitcher, he would get 140 more starts. Right now, he is winning three of every five starts and losing once in five. This would be his record if those numbers held (which I am pretty sure they would): 87-29 Hmm, that's an awful lot of losses. He would probably lead the league. Here is how many strikeouts he would have, averaging 15 for every 5 starts: 435 That's a lot. However, that would be over roughly 1050 innings, and thus not very impressive but really impressive. Nolan Ryan struck out a modern record 383 batters in 1973, and did so in 700 fewer innings. Not nearly the workhorse Correia could become under this scenario though. Ok, this is just not realistic. I mean, if any team is going to a one-man rotation, wouldn't the Twins be the last team you would expect? Let's try to be normal here. If Correia keeps this pace and gets 28 more starts, here will be his final numbers on the season: 9.9 rWAR, 2.1 fWAR (THATS A JOKE DO YOU GET IT?) 240 IP, 20-6, 2.23 ERA, 225 hits allowed, 59 ER, 33 BB, 99 K, 0 balks, 0 wild pitches and 0 hit-by-pitch. I'm quite certain that FanGraphs.com would 404 as well. Find players with crazy rate stats like Correia's Pro-rating stats is easy. It's basically multiplication, which any eight-year-old can do. Six-year-olds? Not so much, but six-year-olds lack in a lot of areas, if we are going to honest with ourselves. Using Baseball Reference's season finder, we can pinpoint just how many pitchers have stats like Correia's and how they compare. I'll start with his rate stats, which currently sit as such: SO/9 - 3.7 BB/9 - 1.2 HR/9 - 0.5 H/9 - 8.4 14 pitchers have posted a season with those stats, since 1901. It hasn't been done since 1942 which simply means that Correia is a throwback. Tiny Bonham, Babe Adams, Slim Sallee, and Noodles Hahn have the most ridiculous names from the list. Oh, and Al Orth. So, it's rare. I am sure many pitchers have put up comparable stats over 36 innings though. Correia's walk rate alone is masterful. I wonder how many pitchers have had a walk rate that low for a full season... 93 is that number, most recently Cliff Lee just last season. Brad Radke did it four times and Carlos Silva once, for a nice 4:1 Brad to Carlos ratio. The highest season ERA on this list is Radke's 4.49 back in 2003. The best ERA from someone who didn't pitch when all people who were photographed looked surprised that their photo was being taken even though you had to sit for like, a really long time, is Greg Maddux, when he posted a 1.63 ERA back in 1995. On the flip side, Correia's strikeout rate is quite low. Historically low, one might say less than confidently. It's not really that historic. Actually, it has happened 2,237 times since 1901. Rather than be thorough and comb through the data, let's cherry-pick, as you all tacitly agreed that you enjoyed it. Since 1961, this feat has been accomplished 261 times, which is much more manageable for me. The worst ERA of that group belongs to Livan Hernandez, who posted a 6.05 ERA in 2008, at the age of 67. Carlos Silva was second, at 5.94 back in 2006. The best ERA of this bunch belongs to Joe Horlen, with a 2.06 ERA back in 1967. Correia's current ERA would be the 4th best since 1961 with a strikeout rate as low as 3.7 per nine innings. Since 1961, only five names appear on both lists, and one is a 2005 Carlos Silva, which has an oak-y finish. Correia currently has a 179 ERA+. This number is astronomical. Just how astronomical? Well, only 68 pitchers have posted such an astronomical number since 1901. Just glancing at the list, Randy Johnson did it 58 times and Pedro Martinez did it 57. I could be counting poorly, as I was hit in the nose with a dodgeball while putting eye drops in. Regardless, if Correia can keep up that number, he will join some elite, blurry company. Other Fun Facts/Miscellany Correia is currently tied for 100th in the MLB in strikeouts. Anibal Sanchez struck out 17 in one game. Correia is tied for 7th in fewest walks, just ahead of Kevin Slowey. Correia is 20th in ERA, just ahead of Kevin Slowey. If you rearrange the letters in Kevin Correia, you get Cevin Korreia. Kevin Correia's fastball sits at about 90, or roughly 20 MPH faster than you can throw (probably more or even a lot more). Joe Mauer is his catcher (I think), so that probably explains everything. Correia was a Giant, then a Padre, then a Pirate, now a Twin, always a shapeshifter. Correia's GB% is 45.8%, which makes him a fly ball pitcher, no matter what Beck Bremleven tries to tell you. The proudest I have ever been of an analogy is from my Correia signing post. See if you can find it! Sumitup Kevin Correia is pitching better than anyone expected. Anyone. If someone tries to tell you that they envisioned this level of performance, you have my permission to tie their shoes together, but only as a lesson. Please draw their attention to the tied together laces and explain to them the lesson you have taught them. I mean it, no one needs to get hurt just because they are a filthy liar. His numbers are fun to look at because they are so unexpected. I look forward to seeing what craziness his numbers will bring in the future. Seriously, no one make anyone trip on their laces.

Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! Do you like meaningless stats? Do you enjoy cherry-picking? How about fallacy? Are you enamored with Kevin Correia and his shockingly awesome start to this season? Do you like being asked questions? I thought it might be fun to look at Kevin Correia's stats, with an eye toward history and multiplication. If you think that sounds fun as well, please keep reading. Pro-rated stats The Twins have played 22 games this season. Correia has started five games and stands to start about 28 more (give or take, depending on whether the Twins move to a one-man rotation or something bizarre like that). Wait, let's explore that. If the Twins decided, "hey, let's see if we can't make Kevin Correia's arm explode" and allowed him to become the full-time starting pitcher, he would get 140 more starts. Right now, he is winning three of every five starts and losing once in five. This would be his record if those numbers held (which I am pretty sure they would): 87-29 Hmm, that's an awful lot of losses. He would probably lead the league. Here is how many strikeouts he would have, averaging 15 for every 5 starts: 435 That's a lot. However, that would be over roughly 1050 innings, and thus not very impressive but really impressive. Nolan Ryan struck out a modern record 383 batters in 1973, and did so in 700 fewer innings. Not nearly the workhorse Correia could become under this scenario though. Ok, this is just not realistic. I mean, if any team is going to a one-man rotation, wouldn't the Twins be the last team you would expect? Let's try to be normal here. If Correia keeps this pace and gets 28 more starts, here will be his final numbers on the season: 9.9 rWAR, 2.1 fWAR (THATS A JOKE DO YOU GET IT?) 240 IP, 20-6, 2.23 ERA, 225 hits allowed, 59 ER, 33 BB, 99 K, 0 balks, 0 wild pitches and 0 hit-by-pitch. I'm quite certain that FanGraphs.com would 404 as well. Find players with crazy rate stats like Correia's Pro-rating stats is easy. It's basically multiplication, which any eight-year-old can do. Six-year-olds? Not so much, but six-year-olds lack in a lot of areas, if we are going to honest with ourselves. Using Baseball Reference's season finder, we can pinpoint just how many pitchers have stats like Correia's and how they compare. I'll start with his rate stats, which currently sit as such: SO/9 - 3.7 BB/9 - 1.2 HR/9 - 0.5 H/9 - 8.4 14 pitchers have posted a season with those stats, since 1901. It hasn't been done since 1942 which simply means that Correia is a throwback. Tiny Bonham, Babe Adams, Slim Sallee, and Noodles Hahn have the most ridiculous names from the list. Oh, and Al Orth. So, it's rare. I am sure many pitchers have put up comparable stats over 36 innings though. Correia's walk rate alone is masterful. I wonder how many pitchers have had a walk rate that low for a full season... 93 is that number, most recently Cliff Lee just last season. Brad Radke did it four times and Carlos Silva once, for a nice 4:1 Brad to Carlos ratio. The highest season ERA on this list is Radke's 4.49 back in 2003. The best ERA from someone who didn't pitch when all people who were photographed looked surprised that their photo was being taken even though you had to sit for like, a really long time, is Greg Maddux, when he posted a 1.63 ERA back in 1995. On the flip side, Correia's strikeout rate is quite low. Historically low, one might say less than confidently. It's not really that historic. Actually, it has happened 2,237 times since 1901. Rather than be thorough and comb through the data, let's cherry-pick, as you all tacitly agreed that you enjoyed it. Since 1961, this feat has been accomplished 261 times, which is much more manageable for me. The worst ERA of that group belongs to Livan Hernandez, who posted a 6.05 ERA in 2008, at the age of 67. Carlos Silva was second, at 5.94 back in 2006. The best ERA of this bunch belongs to Joe Horlen, with a 2.06 ERA back in 1967. Correia's current ERA would be the 4th best since 1961 with a strikeout rate as low as 3.7 per nine innings. Since 1961, only five names appear on both lists, and one is a 2005 Carlos Silva, which has an oak-y finish. Correia currently has a 179 ERA+. This number is astronomical. Just how astronomical? Well, only 68 pitchers have posted such an astronomical number since 1901. Just glancing at the list, Randy Johnson did it 58 times and Pedro Martinez did it 57. I could be counting poorly, as I was hit in the nose with a dodgeball while putting eye drops in. Regardless, if Correia can keep up that number, he will join some elite, blurry company. Other Fun Facts/Miscellany Correia is currently tied for 100th in the MLB in strikeouts. Anibal Sanchez struck out 17 in one game. Correia is tied for 7th in fewest walks, just ahead of Kevin Slowey. Correia is 20th in ERA, just ahead of Kevin Slowey. If you rearrange the letters in Kevin Correia, you get Cevin Korreia. Kevin Correia's fastball sits at about 90, or roughly 20 MPH faster than you can throw (probably more or even a lot more). Joe Mauer is his catcher (I think), so that probably explains everything. Correia was a Giant, then a Padre, then a Pirate, now a Twin, always a shapeshifter. Correia's GB% is 45.8%, which makes him a fly ball pitcher, no matter what Beck Bremleven tries to tell you. The proudest I have ever been of an analogy is from my Correia signing post. See if you can find it! Sumitup Kevin Correia is pitching better than anyone expected. Anyone. If someone tries to tell you that they envisioned this level of performance, you have my permission to tie their shoes together, but only as a lesson. Please draw their attention to the tied together laces and explain to them the lesson you have taught them. I mean it, no one needs to get hurt just because they are a filthy liar. His numbers are fun to look at because they are so unexpected. I look forward to seeing what craziness his numbers will bring in the future. Seriously, no one make anyone trip on their laces.