Riverbrian

1. Oakland A's -- What a bunch of upheaval drama queens this bunch is. From year to year you never know what the roster will look like. General Manager Billy Beane just can't sit still and I think he looks nothing like Brad Pitt. They moved top prospects one after another to acquire big name players to help them at a failed run at the World Series. This year... all of those additions are gone along with the prospects and it's a whole new cast of characters in the new 2015 Moneyball movie. Jonah Hill is also long gone; and so is Philip Seymour Hoffman (but they didn't get along anyway). After last year... We can all see Brad Pitt hanging his head in solitude once again. His daughter is older now and those cute little songs she sings to him that made good fun of Ol' Dad are probably a lot more vicious now. She's probably got her nose and belly button pierced and is dating a meth dealer in Stockton and blaming her father. 2. The Twins = Playoff Team... Almost -- If the season ended today, our Twins would be a half game out of the playoffs. Thank GOD!!! It doesn't end today. Let's win tonight and then let the season end tomorrow!!! (Providing the Orioles lose tonight). I'm not sure what it will take to end the season after clinching a playoff spot after tonight. Major Earthquake across the entire country? They had an earthquake in Michigan over the weekend... so maybe... But I don't like this idea at all. Too much property damage and potential for loss of life. Riots in Baseball Markets across the Country? At first blush... This seems possible these days but the Orioles just went ahead and played in front of an empty stadium and the TV contract and money will probably keep baseball keeping on. Baseball Strike or a Lockout? Yeah... This is how we do it... We got to plant an immediate bug in the players union ear. Find something that will interest them enough to walk off the field until it's rectified. Let's bounce that around the room... Come up with some ideas!!! Perhaps... Private Airplanes for each player on the 25 man roster... 2% ownership stake for each player for each world series victory. The Giants would own the club by now. M&M's with the Brown ones picked out is too easy to solve... So that won't work. 3. Byron Buxton -- Don't look now but Lord Byron is heating up. He has hit .522 during his recent 6 game hitting streak to "Walk in Beauty Like the Night." Now... don't go getting your hopes up that he will be up to Minnesota in the next week or two. I know how impatient most of you are when it comes to such things. I'm just pointing out that he is heating up and that's good. Here are some other things that we are impatient about: Sitting around in the movie theater waiting for the movie to start!!! They just recycle the same poor quality ads over and over again as you listen to the conversations from the people who arrived early. I've found that one of the best uses of time is to find the proper spot for your feet... Away from the spilled drinks and popcorn butter. You know that sticky sound when the soles of yours shoes unsticks from the stickiness. When I stop hearing that sound... I know my feet are in the proper postion. Texting People who take hours to reply!!! Yeah... I'm one of those people but I'm ok with that because I'm not the one waiting for a response... but when I text someone and have to wait for a response back... This makes me impatient. I've removed approximately 12 people from my texting list due to slow responses. My Wife is pissed that I don't text her anymore. Waiting for someone to get out of a parking spot!!! I see you... You got into your car... You turned the car on... And you sit there texting someone as I hold up traffic behind me... waiting for you to MOVE!!! Yeah... I see that you are answering a text and therefore a candidate to stay on my texting list but let's go already!!! You and I are holding up the whole town and making everybody late. Flight Delays!!! Seriously... Again... Another Delay!!! I've flown maybe a handful of times and maybe 75% of the time it has been delayed. I've got to sit in an airport terminal for 6 hours because the engine fell out of the plane I'm supposed to be riding in. I'm really tempted to just start walking to Colorado Springs and have the plane stop and pick me up on the way. DMV's!!! You all know that this is very difficult when it comes to your patience. All you can do is look around and think to yourself... These are the people who are driving around the city and putting my life in danger. Chinese Democracy!!! This is the album that Guns-N-Roses waited years to hear and were greatly disappointed by when it finally arrived. Back in the 80's when I heard Axl Rose sing "Patience" I had no idea that he was talking about Chinese Democracy. Getting someone a great gift and then waiting to give it to them!!! OK... You got your wife a great gift for her birthday... and now you gotta wait for her birthday... This is HARD!!! It's such a great gift that you want to show her or tell her right away. I can't do it... Every time I've gotten my wife something fantastic... I tell her... So when her birthday comes... She knows what's inside. The Doctors Office!!! I made an appointment for 2PM... I'm here and it's 1:50PM... Why am I seeing the Doctor at 4:27PM? Nothing like waiting an extra 2:27 just so the Doctor can tell me that I can't eat anything that I enjoy. Microwaves!!! Yeah... I Yell at them... C'mon... I don't have all second!!! 4. Jesse Hahn -- He's 25 Years old and he was acquired in a trade with the San Diego Padres during the off season. Jesse is from Groton, Connecticut. Groton is known for the production of Submarines. Submarines of course... Are the people who couldn't get into the actual Marine Corps. If any of the actual Marines need time off... They contact Groton and a Sub-Marine is sent in to cover for the actual Marine. Steve Cishek and Pat Neshek are submariners and they will be asked to fill in on occasion. I bet you didn't know that Steve and Pat served America like that!!! 5. Arriving on Time -- I used to pride myself on arriving on time. If I said I would be there at 4PM... I was there at 3:55PM. I considered it a great skill of mine. However... Soon I realized that no one was there to appreciate this skill. So Yeah... This Game Thread was posted later than normal!!! Game-time forecast: 68 deg F, partly cloudy (sunset 8:22pm), winds from the NE at 7mph. Lineups: A's: Burns CF Semien SS Reddick RF Butler DH Vogt C Davis 1B Lawrie 3B Canha LF Sogard 2B Hahn P TWINS: Dozier 2B Hunter RF Mauer 1B Plouffe 3B Suzuki C Vargas DH Escobar LF Schafer CF Santana SS Hughes P

1. The Tigers -- I realize that 96% of you agree with every single word I say. So I know that my pre-season thoughts on the Tigers are going to be controversial with the 4% who occasionally find my thoughts quirky and more applicable to the discussion of banana's. Controversy be damned... Here goes. Despite losing Scherzer and Porcello... I felt going into this season that the Tigers were going to be stronger this year and defense is why. Getting Iglasias back at SS and adding Cespedes and Gose to that outfield is a game changer... It balances out the team... It addresses holes that were there in years past. I also understand that the team is now eating at the same restaurants together. They formed singing groups and are practicing harmony and performing at old folks homes (Chief's House for example). They are watching over each other's children and wife swapping for unity. This is going to make them very hard to beat. 2. Excitement in Michigan -- I think the people of Michigan are very excited about this team. In a way... That's Good... because the people of Michigan need something to get excited about. I have no idea why anyone would want to live in Michigan. The State really needs to start recruiting talented people and it looks like the state is rebounding in that department. There are many famous people from Michigan... There's Umm... Bob Seger... and... Grand Funk Railroad... Tim Allen... President Ford... Umm... Some other people... Mike Modano. But... all those people have left the state. Seger... Grand Funk... Tim Allen I believe all reside in California... President Ford is in Heaven so he left the state. Dyersville Iowa is where he and Betty are I believe. The Tigers are good for the state... All those hard working Americans that built my Dodge Dart... Oops... No that was built in Illinois. Sorry... Never mind. 3. David Price -- David Price is on the mound tonight... The big question... What will be the Price for Price when he hits Free Agency? Bob Barker... or Drew Carey... David Price come on down. You're the next contestant on... One thing is for sure... He's going to be very expensive. Here are some other things that are very expensive. Indoor Pools -- It turns out that they cost a lot. Almost as much as you paid for your entire house. If you are serious about such things... You may want to consider running through the sprinkler instead. Or... You know what just Flood your Basement. That seems reasonable. Lobster -- It always says Market Price and the Market Price is?... I don't know what Market is driving it up. I like Lobster but not enough to take out a loan to have it. There is something tasty about a creature that eats dead stuff off the bottom of the ocean. Medication -- Yeah... You need Medicine to take care of that giant thing growing on your eyeball. Bring your wallet until it goes generic. Hockey -- Hockey is very expensive... and you don't always get to keep your teeth either. The Crap that the Top Models wear walking down that Runway -- The Designers are rich.. The Models are rich... Yet... You can't help wonder who is actually buying this stuff. You don't see a lot of ladies walking around in a dress made of an actual net that they use to trap bears. They don't wear this stuff at the PTA meetings I've been to and I haven't found any of these products at K-Mart. Puppies -- Go to a shelter and get yourself a Puppy. It's at least $200 Bucks... Go ahead and try to get a purebred from a breeder... You'll drop a thousand easy... Meanwhile... Puppies are getting put to sleep every day because they can't find homes for them. Whatever happened to the big box of puppies with a sign that says "Free". That works... It's exactly how Ash met his wife. He was in Box with a sign that says "Free". Wallets -- A really nice wallet can be costly. So you buy it and have nothing to keep in it. 4. Winning the Series -- The Twins are on a nice roll... Winning another Series this weekend. After the start they had... If they keep doing that... They will be playing .500 ball by July. Go Twins 5. Cooking -- I don't have a lot of experience preparing food but I learned something yesterday. The Smoke Detector in the house will tell you when its done. Also... If something is pecking itself out of the egg you were going to use... You'll have to be a little more creative with The Eggs Benedict. I also learned that most food can't be kept longer than the lifespan of a Hamster... So I now keep a Hamster in the fridge to stay on top of this. -------- Game-time forecast: 66 deg F, sunny and clear (sunset at 8:13pm), no chance of rain, winds from the N at 6mph. (I hope you all realize ... it is 20 degrees WARMER there than it is here in Chicago.) TIGERS: Kinsler 2B Iglesias SS Cabrera 1B Martinez, V DH Martinez, JD RF Cespedes LF Avila C Perez 3B Gose CF Price P TWINS: Dozier 2B Hunter RF Mauer 1B Plouffe 3B Nunez DH Suzuki C Robinson LF Schafer CF Santana SS Milone P