Riverbrian

Bobby Wheeler: We were wondering if you would join us for a few minutes? "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: Well, what did you decide?

Les: Johnny! Venus! You're alive! Johnny: The newsman's eye. You just can't fool it. Les: Well, that's wonderful. Venus: Gee thanks, Les. Les: Of course, I'll have to update my story. How'd you like it, Andy? Andy: How'd I like what, Les? Les: My four o'clock news report. Didn't you listen? Andy: Les, the transmitter blew up! Les: Of course! That was my lead! Johnny: You led off the newscast by telling them that we're off the air? Les: No. But I can include that in my update.

Phone Cop Episode has to be near the top of best WKRPs.

Steve: Mom... I got some good news and bad news. Mom: What's the Good News? Steve: NBC Picked up my pilot. My show is gonna be on television! Mom: That's wonderful... So... What's the Bad News. Steve: The network exec says that nobody will watch it on Saturday Night against the CBS Lineup. It's going to die a slow painful death. Mom: Good Luck Son... I'm sorry to say I want be watching either.

DOZIER

To demonstrate to my kids how Old I am. I tell them that when I was a boy. We didn't have a Channel 5, Channel 6, Channel 7, Channel 9 or Channel 12. Just loud static.

Foghorn was upset with Odorizzi on opening day in the first inning after the Machado Double. He hasn't forgiven him yet.

Back in 1973... One good show would give the network the entire night because nobody wanted to actually get up and change the channel.

Taxi

Sac Bunt is a whole different animal. I was talking about bunting it where they ain't. No sacrifice intended.

If I was a Manager. If any opposing team deployed a shift that left significant portions of the infield unattended. I would instruct every single hitter (From Bryce Harper to Ben Revere) to take advantage of this coupon for a free base... every single time. If they needed help working on bunting... we would work on bunting until every player can easily take advantage. I would lay down a bunt every single time... which would force the opposing manager to return the 3B to normal position which would then open up holes in the zones that each of your hitters tend to hit the ball. I don't care what the score is... I don't care what the inning is... I would instruct, insist, declare it mandatory, all hitters that are shifted on... BUNT and take the free base.... Do this every single time until they stop doing it. If someone felt that I was violating some unwritten rule... they can bite me.

Thank You. This is an important post.

If you are down by 7 runs in the 9th inning... You don't need a home run... you need 6 base runners before you need that home run. If the Twins were stupid enough to give them a base runner via bunt by shifting. The Twins got what they deserved.

The Twins should have thought of this before. You can definitely see the value of having a starting staff with a 0.00 ERA. We have spent too much time worrying about Buxton and Sano and the offensive future. Just get a starting staff that doesn’t give up a run and you are good to go. This is sustainable… This is not a small sample size folks, there are only 159 games to go. Image courtesy of Evan Habeeb-USA TODAY Sports The Twins should have thought of this before. You can definitely see the value of having a starting staff with a 0.00 ERA. We have spent too much time worrying about Buxton and Sano and the offensive future. Just get a starting staff that doesn’t give up a run and you are good to go. This is sustainable… This is not a small sample size folks, there are only 159 games to go. 1. Top Non-Trump News Story (Or Stories): Tonight the College Basketball Championship game will be played in San Antonio. It’s Michigan vs. Villanova for all of the Marbles. I’m getting kind of nervous for the religious future of the state of Michigan. It was Michigan that beat whoever that Catholic School was with a 98 year old nun as a head coach. If Michigan were to win the title… they will have to beat another Catholic School in Villanova. In Hockey… Michigan is matched up against Catholic School Notre Dame in the frozen four. I do not want to speculate what happens if the Wolverines run the table… but I assume… it will be divinely taken out on the Lions as usual. 2. Our Twins: Since the first 3 starters in the rotation did not give up a run, I’d imagine that raises the expectation bar on Lance Lynn just a little bit. 21 Innings of shut-out ball is impressive enough but it’s more impressive when you consider that only 5 hits were allowed over those 21 innings and 19 batters were given a Scarlet K. No pressure Lance… none at all. 3. The Pirates: There isn’t a good feeling in Pittsburgh since they did a little dismantling over the off-season. There is still plenty of talent in the Pirates system but it just isn’t going to feel like it when you trade Cole and McCutchen. The Pirates are going to have a hard time expressing; that they know what they are doing, to the Pirate Fan. The slogan they are using: The Pirates… We Can Come Close Again. 4. Today’s Joe M Conversation: Maddon: Hey Joe… Did you have a great Easter with the Family? Mauer: We were in Baltimore so… not really. Morgan: You guys won… Big Win over the Orioles… Good start to the season. Mauer: Oh the team is fine… Joe asked about Easter with my family… that didn’t go so well. Montana: What Happened? Mauer: The Girls ended up crying… it was a mess. McCarthy: Why? Mauer: I don’t know… I woke up real early. I looked around for a great place to hide the Easter Egg Baskets. They woke up later and they were real excited… I’d tell them if they were getting warmer or colder and they were laughing… about an hour later they were in tears and my wife yells at me… Dang it Joe, Enough!!! Get in the car and take them to their baskets. 5. Easter Sunday: I woke up yesterday morning, was relaxing a little, when my wife walked in and said, do you remember what day it is? To be very clear, I would have had the answer immediately, if she wasn’t the one who asked the question. Whenever your wife asks if I remember what day it is. There is a natural defense mechanism that triggers and makes you think, Birthday? Anniversary? Valentine’s Day? You got to quickly cover the ones that will get you in trouble out of self-preservation and that will blow Easter out of your mind for a while. After an uncomfortable pause… I managed to blurt out “April Fools” which was the first thing that came to mind under pressure (her arms were crossed and she was looking at me). It was technically correct, but not what she was getting at. It ended up working because I was able to make the long pause seem like the obligatory “April Fools” joke. She has no idea that I was honestly struggling to come up with Easter and it’s been almost 28 years and my wife still isn’t completely aware of just how stupid I am. View full article

On the other hand... Here's an example of a partial joke. Horse Walk Into a Bar. Barten...

ESCOBAR

No... I cause people to go home, After I blade a ball into them on the Tee Box behind the green.

SANO

He did exactly what I can't do with a pitching wedge from that distance.

I love that... they are giving you a hit... take it.

Dozier

Brilliant Open. I believe it was also Jesus who left me a VM to call Mr. Lyon at (phone number). The Phone Number belonged to the Zoo.

Game 2 of a 162 game season being a "must win" has got to set a record of some kind. Thank God We Won.