Riverbrian

I spent the morning calling the IT guy up to my office to fix basically everything one thing at a time to make it functional. He probably wasn't laughing but It became funny after awhile. His office is on the floor below me. I call him up... "Hey my Computer isn't connected to the a printer". He fixes it and goes downstairs 5 minutes later... "Hey my research database isnt here" he fixes it and goes downstairs This went on all morning... I must have asked him to come up 5 times within an hour. The last time... I believe he stopped saying hello when he walked in.

Celine Dion walks into a bar Bartender says "Why the long face"

I walk into a bar... Sit down and I hear this tiny voice "You are a handsome man" A little while later the voice says " You have beautiful blue eyes" A little later the voice says "Nice Shirt" I ask the bartender "where's that voice coming from" The bartender says "The Peanuts... They're Complimentary".

Jay Cutler walks into a bar... With a toad on his head Bartender looks at the toad and says "what the hell is that" The toad says "I don't know... It started as a pimple on my ass and it just grew"

A bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a Vodka and........................ Ummm...... Tonic. Bartender says "why the long pause" The Bear says "I don't know but I've always had them".

A horse walks into a bar Bartender says "why the long face" The horse doesn't understand English and takes a crap on the floor.

A horse walks into a bar Bartender says "why the long face" The horse leaves because it doesn't feel like explaining basic equine biology.

What? Why are you glossing over Tina Yothers?

Yeah... I see your logic... but those two home runs are the major reason why they are winning.

Yeah... I can see that. It would be just like me to not tell her about the shoes until after she went through hell on that yellow brick road.

Actually... That would be a fun way to blow your money. Here's 10 grand... Now surprise me with random stuff the 1st of every month. Open the box... Alright... Lookie Here... A live Armadillo and wire cage. Open the Box... Alright... Lookie Here... An 8 track player and the complete works of Procal Harum.

Trevor should stop doing that

It's been done before... But I gotta repeat the joke: What Horse?

I just started watching via MLB TV. During commercials breaks it just says We'll be Back. It's kinda uncomfortable... I kinda miss the commercials. I've been conditioned!!!

I can't but I can't speak for everyone. Bottom line... Getting the lead runner is a rare opportunity but that's how the game is played when you are fully engaged. Settling for the free out is like taking the first offer from the banker in Deal or no Deal.

Joe... Take a look at 2nd... Before you wait 5 seconds to tag the runner waking down the 1st base line.

If you mean... By keeping his back foot planted while the rest of his body headed toward the locker room. Then Yeah... I agree.

If May gets a hit... It will be complete luck or an extreme episode of playing possum.

I was hoping to be a flying monkey

LOL.. Early leader for post of the night Pealing a siren has got to be easier than peeling a mango.

To complete the experience... She'll need Toto or at least Steve Lukather. To fully appreciate that bad joke... You need to know who Steve Lukather is.

Bathtub is a great idea unless it is picked up and carried away. The inner hallway is good as well... Unless it is picked up and carried away

I'd go with Lackey Thought since I was lacking

Happy Birthday Bark!!! According to your Horiscope... It's possible that a routine normal occurance will happen to you today.

It feels kinda good to go on a big losing streak and remain in contention. Losing streaks happen and so do winning streaks. If the Twins can just keep hanging on... Another winning streak would do wonders for our chances. However... Here come the Cardinals and they are pretty cool customers. Here are some things to think about:1. The Cardinals -- There's a lot to think about here. C'mon these are the Cardinals... Just think about what they have accomplished. They are senior leaders of the Catholic Church. Those Cardinals are behind the all that latin and confession and all those things you have to recite. Being a senior leader is incredible when you consider that they are birds and a California grown grape. They also play football and they have the best record in all of baseball. The Twins will have hands fully full. 2. Michael Wacha -- He's just 23 years old and he has been pretty dang good. Pretty dang dominant actually and the future looks bright. Michael was born in Iowa City, Iowa and he was lucky enough to escape. He moved to Texarkana, Texas when he was 3 years old. Texarkana was named that because no one really knows where it’s located. Texas... Arkansas... Louisiana... It just doesn't matter when you drink that heavily. I've been to Texarkana and I ran back to Iowa right away. 3. Snapping a losing streak -- The Twins were so good that they could reel off 5 straight losses and still remain in contention for the AL Central title or a wild card spot. I still feel good that they were able to halt the streak yesterday with a win over Texas. Because facing Wacha after losing 6 in a row would have sucked. And now the pitchers get to bat... I'm not sure what to expect from Trevor May swinging the lumber. 4. Byron Buxton -- He's here... I don't know for how long but he's here. We've been watching Joc Pederson and Kris Bryant and Addison Russell and Carlos Correa and thinking... Hey... I'd like one of those. Well Byron Buxton is supposed to be our one of those. He's fast... I could see that... He should play a decent CF... Now it's a question of how much will he produce at the plate. He'll have a little time to work on that in the 9 hole. Welcome to the Big Leagues... Byron Buxton. 5. Photographs -- There were a few picture of me taken during my two week road trip. I'm gonna have to lose some weight. Those photos of me are still printing. -------------------- Game-time forecast: 80 deg F (but will probably feel like 90), high humidity, overcast, 90-100% chance of rain/thunderstorms. In other words, stay tuned for further announcements of a possible postponement. And if it's anything like Chicago at 5:02pm, the sirens are blaring now all over. Lineups: TWINS Dozier 2B Rosario LF Mauer 1B Plouffe 3B Hunter RF Suzuki C Escobar SS May P Buxton CF CARDINALS Wong 2B Carpenter 3B Peralta SS Reynolds 1B Molina C Heyward RF Grichuk LF Jay CF Lackey P Click here to view the article