Riverbrian

The Twins continue their tour of the AL Central today with the Labor Day Opener of a 3-game series against the Kansas City Royals live from Target Field. Baseball players have to work on Labor Day. I know, it isn’t fair. Not only are they poorly compensated under difficult working conditions… the entire weekend simply doesn’t apply to them. If you attend the game today and you notice them staring at you with less than welcoming expressions, please understand that they are jealous of you and the 3-day weekend you are flaunting in their faces. Here are some things to think about: 1. Personal Trainer – A long time ago… we had Jack LaLanne as a personal trainer. You’d turn on his TV show and he would whip you into shape in black and white. Now personal trainers are growing on trees… master motivators who throw the medicine ball at you and count in loud voices as you do sit ups or something. I don’t personally need one because I get plenty of exercise… jumping at conclusions, pushing my luck and dodging deadlines. 2. Scientist – Back in 1907… Duncan McDougall, a doctor from Massachusetts, devised experiments to measure the human soul. Using 6 terminally ill patients on a specially constructed scale bed he measured their weight before, during, and after death, and he was able to conclude that the human soul weighed 21 grams. Despite the sloppy science and the obvious small sample size. There are some who still believe this a century later. I just want to say that I have confirmed it. The soul does indeed weigh 21 grams. I confirmed it by weighing myself before and after work. 3. Video Game Developer – You can get your video game related bachelors or masters on college campuses across the country. These video games don’t just happen by accident. It is someone’s job to design, develop, program, sell… and… umm… I don’t know… I’m just listing a bunch of words that I’m guessing are related to video game production. Someone in the course of doing their job came up with Dance Dance Revolution for example. I don’t personally know anyone who has played Dance Dance Revolution but it made money. A co-worker of mine had DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION written on her desk calendar in big letters so I assumed she was into it. Turns out that was her actual plan for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Just to be safe… I did not show up for work that Friday. 4. President of the United States – It’s a dirty job but someone has to do it. Personally… I want a President who is smart enough to not want the job but that doesn’t appear to be an option. I think the President should be dragged (or is it drugged) into the position kicking and screaming because they are smart enough to know it’s a horrible job. How about that… in my context… dragged and drugged into the position both accomplish what I think needs to be done. 5. Labor Day – This week you get to hate Tuesday. ____________________ Lineups: ROYALS Jarrod Dyson [L] CF Paulo Orlando [R] RF Eric Hosmer [L] 1B Kendrys Morales DH Salvador Perez [R] C Alex Gordon [L] LF Cheslor Cuthbert [R] 3B Alcides Escobar [R] SS Whit Merrifield [R] 2B Ian Kennedy [R] P TWINS Brian Dozier [R] 2B Joe Mauer [L] 1B Trevor Plouffe [R] 3B Miguel Sano [R] DH Eddie Rosario [L] LF Eduardo Escobar SS Logan Schafer [L] RF Juan Centeno [L] C Byron Buxton [R] CF Jose Berrios [R] P Game-time forecast: 80 deg F, mostly cloudy, 15% chance of rain, winds from the SSW at 11mph. Play ball! Go Twins! Click here to view the article

I'm going to repeat myself again... but that happens when I lack depth of thought. I have believed all year that Buxton's improvement won't be gradual but sudden and amazing. I have no idea how long it will take but it will be sudden and amazing or it won't happen at all. It happens as soon as he stops upper cutting and improves his plate coverage. Which will increase his contact rate and hopefully put more balls on the ground and he can put his legs to use. I don't believe he will sacrifice power doing this... I believe he will just become capable of anything and then own the baseball world. Now I admit that I haven't had a chance to watch the past few games so it's quite possible that Buxton is still swinging upward and proving me wrong for 10 AB's but regardless... I believe Buxton will explode like Jackie Bradley did(actually bigger and better)...when he levels out his swing... like Jackie Bradley did.

I didn't get to watch the game tonight but I assume that they snapped the streak because the pitching staff didn't give up 9 runs or more.

How Bout if you are Mentally incapable? Bob Newhart would certainly be able to diagnose that from one session with me.

I went to Disney World Don't remember going on any rides. But I remember waiting in line for rides.

(True Story) The Youth team I was coaching made it to regionals and while the team was warming up I drove back to the Hotel to grab some stuff that I had left behind. I on the way back to the field... it was a half hour before game time and a Black Cat ran across the road in front of me. I stopped the car... backed up... did a u turn and went around the block to avoid crossing the path. It was the regionals... we were about to play Kansas... no way I was crossing that path. We lost 4-1... and that's because I can't be sure that the Cat didn't cross the other road that I used since it seemed to be cutting a path across town. (true Story)

Sounds good I have the diet of the average Puma.

The Twins return home for a 4-game series against the White Sox which gets underway tonight. The Twins now have lost 13 games in a row, and the White Sox have not lost 13 games in a row. That’s the backdrop that sets the scene for the beginning of our September. The Twins have lost 13 in a row… Teddy Bridgewater lost a knee cap. Thirteen just doesn’t feel that lucky right now. Here are some things to think about: 1. Baker’s Dozen – Baking a 13th item was a form of insurance in case something went wrong with one of the other 12. This is important because you can’t show up at the office with 11 donuts… someone will get hurt. That last donut can turn the office into a real life Hunger Games. 2. Lucky 13 – The number 13 is the number between John Ryan Murphy and Kent Hrbek. The Number has long been considered to be unlucky. It even has its own phobia called triskaidekaphobia. Hotels avoid having a 13th floor but I know that it’s impossible to not have a 13th floor if you keep going after 12. Simply putting a big '14' on the floor doesn’t change anything because we all know that 13 follows 12. The so-called 14th floor is still cursed. I know this is true because I stayed on the 14th floor once and the air conditioner didn’t work. 3. Jason Voorhees – As the protagonist of the Friday the 13th series, Jason has become a well-known figure in our popular culture. Jason is easy to recognize as a Canadian because of his Hockey Mask. Most fear Jason but that’s just a matter of perspective. For example… if you watch the movies backwards… Jason instantly becomes a hero as you watch him revive dead people with his magic machete. 4. 13 Colonies – It was the original 13 colonies that banded together to declare and fight for our independence. I remember the teaching of our humble beginnings back in elementary school. I remember the teacher saying that the Declaration of Independence was written in Philadelphia and I remember correcting her by saying that it was written in ink. She replied by saying… no, Philadelphia was where it was signed and I corrected her again by letting her know that it was signed on the bottom. 5. Prime Numbers – Prime rib is delicious but it should be called 'composite rib' because it typically comes in 12 or 16-ounce portions. If you really want it to be prime rib… use prime numbers like 13 or 17. I thought this was a brilliant idea but it would render it impossible to cut into bite size pieces… now being indivisible and everything. ____________________ Lineups: WHITE SOX Adam Eaton [L] CF Tim Anderson [R] SS Melky Cabrera LF Jose Abreu [R] 1B Justin Morneau [L] DH Todd Frazier [R] 3B Avisail Garcia [R] RF Alex Avila [L] C Tyler Saladino [R] 2B Jose Quintana [L] P TWINS Brian Dozier [R] 2B Joe Mauer [L] 1B Trevor Plouffe [R] 3B Miguel Sano [R] DH Jorge Polanco SS Max Kepler [L] RF Kurt Suzuki [R] C Eddie Rosario [L] LF Byron Buxton [R] CF Ervin Santana [R] P Game-time forecast: partly cloudy but clearing and sunny, until 7:49, then moonshiny, 71 deg F, 1% chance of rain (so no rain), winds from the E at 7mph. All in all, not a bad evening, but bring a sweatshirt to the game. Click here to view the article

The Twins have lost 10 games in a row and that is really hard to do unless you are trying to lose 10 games in a row. So I guess that leaves the question… are the Twins trying to lose 10 games in a row? If they are… well done!… the accomplishment is impressive. Our team left Toronto and flew to Cleveland for the start of 3 games series against the Indians. It’s easy to assume that the Twins had to fly across a couple of big lakes (Ontario and Erie) to get there, but I can’t be sure that the Twins plane took the direct route. Based on how the season has gone it’s probably safer to assume that the Twins flew north to get to Cleveland and ended up flying over Lake Gloom, Despair and Agony instead. The Twins have simply gotten lost on the path they chose. They got lost and they lost a lot. Here are some things to think about: 1. Socks – I don’t mind doing Laundry but after folding and putting everything away, I don’t know how I end up with one sock without a match. It doesn’t happen all the time but it happens enough that I assume that someone is breaking into the house, going down to the laundry room very quietly and taking one sock and leaving with it. Whoever is doing this is very good at it and I am being robbed very slowly… one sock at a time. 2. Memory – I have a theory and I think I’m right. I believe that we only have so much RAM and once you reach a certain age there is simply no more space. When you learn something new… something must leave to make room for it. I was in Texas this weekend and I learned that Armadillos eat beetles and worms. After I learned that… I couldn’t remember what room number I was staying in and I apologize to the couple from Louisiana that I walked in on. 3. The Remote – I was watching TV and I could not find the remote. The TV was on… which means that I turned it on with the remote... so at some point while watching TV… I lost the remote. Back in the old days… we had to get up and change the channel ourselves. Now… I couldn’t even tell you where those buttons are on the new TVs. I couldn’t tell you where the on/off button is. I removed all the cushions from the couch… even in places where I wasn’t sitting and I couldn’t find the remote. I had no choice but to leave the TV on all night. The next morning… I got up… the TV still on (it seems louder in the morning) and I opened up the fridge and there was the remote on the top shelf next to the milk. The remote was perhaps the worst breakfast I’ve ever had… it tasted terrible. 4. Garmin – I tagged Waldo with a GPS device… problem solved. 5. Small Children – (True Story) When my oldest son was around 4 years old… I lost him at a hockey game. Game was over… we were standing in the aisle waiting for the line to move when he ran through the row of seats and up the next aisle over and into the concourse. I know I should have ran after him but I had only been a parent for 4 years and they don’t come with instructions. I got to the top and it was people everywhere and I couldn’t see him. I didn’t panic because it was a hockey rink… it was circular. The crowd wasn’t hanging around so eventually it would thin to nothing. All I had to do was walk around the circular concourse and find him. So I did that and soon I was walking around an empty arena and my son was nowhere to be found. That’s when I started to panic. I knew my wife wouldn’t be happy with me if I returned home without him. I thought to myself… he must be at the car. So… I ran full speed for 4 blocks to my car (dead of winter below zero type night)… nope… and I ran full speed 4 blocks back to the rink. I’m in a complete panic now. I go back into the arena and I’m still running and I round the corner and that’s when I see my son walking with a couple of security guards. I told him… let’s not tell Mom about this and we went home. It’s 18 years later now and I still haven’t told her about it and if I told her about it tomorrow, I’d still be in trouble. (True Story) ____________________ Lineups: TWINS Brian Dozier [R] 2B Joe Mauer [L] 1B Trevor Plouffe [R] DH Miguel Sano [R] 3B Max Kepler [L] RF Jorge Polanco SS Eddie Rosario [L] LF Juan Centeno [L] C Logan Schafer [L] CF Hector Santiago [L] P INDIANS Rajai Davis [R] CF Jason Kipnis [L] 2B Francisco Lindor SS Mike Napoli [R] 1B Carlos Santana DH Jose Ramirez 3B Brandon Guyer [R] LF Abraham Almonte RF Roberto Perez [R] C Trevor Bauer [R] P Game-time forecast: Clear, sunny (until 8:03pm), 76 deg F, no chance of rain, winds from the NNE at 8mph. Hmm ... sounds like a nice night for a game. Click here to view the article

It might be a character flaw of mine (among many) but I really don't look for regression. I'm hopelessly attached to the thought of fix problem X and it can get better. At least until Problem Y comes along.

Good Move Should have been done right away though. I still believe that a Prez of Baseball OP should have been hired immediately and before Terry Ryan was fired. Oh Well... It appears that someone is coming in with new ideas and in position to make organization wide assessments and that is good news. I hope we don't wait too long since it should have been done yesterday.

GCTF bent to touch I got to hang out for a bit with the band backstage in Minneapolis when they opened for Page/Plant. Gord refused to speak to anyone... Like he was pissed to be there. He just sat on a table in the corner. The rest of the guys were real cool. Dan Aykroyd was also backstage. It was Dan, my wife, some other person I don't know, A record rep and the entire band. I think Gord was pissed because he just played for about 100 people and everybody started showing up at the end for Page/Plant. Americans just didn't get a chance to discover the Hip.

Little Bones Three Pistols Courage Grace Too Inevitability of Death Another Midnight Locked in the Trunk of a Car Trickle Down At the Hundredth Meridian Those are my Favorites.

I've spent all day at a convention in Dallas. My brain is like cream of mushroom soup. Open my skull and throw in some tator tots and you'll have a ready made bowl for serving at Minnesota Church Gatherings.

Everything else will hurt enough that you will forget about the pain in your neck.

I say give it a shot

I looked at this and then I looked at mine. I'm over 15,000 Where did my life go?

I'd put Wimmers at Center and then I'd take the First two letters of their last names and Call It the WIDE AL Line.

"Hey North... You're south...

It isn’t easy to lose 7 games in a row but the Twins have managed to do just that. Tonight the Twins are in Canada to take on the Powerful Blue Jay hitters and if they try real hard they can make it 8 or 10 in a row. Unusual conditions in Toronto. The forecast is 28 and you can drive 105. Here are some things to think about: 1. Polar Bears – 50% (that might be rounded up or down because exactly 50% seems incredible) of the world’s population of Polar Bears are in Canada. The other 50% are on the constant lookout for Seal and will follow its prey around the globe. For example… The 4 winds Casino in New Buffalo, Michigan where Seal is performing tomorrow night. 2. Hockey – They take their Hockey seriously in Canada. A reporter was watching some kids play Pond hockey outdoors when a rabid Rotweiler burst onto the ice and started attacking a kid. Another kid skated up and killed the dog with his hockey stick. The reporter wrote the headline… Young Leaf Fan Heroically Saves Another Child. When talking with the kid… he revealed that he was actually a Canadien Fan. So the reporter changed the headline to… Little French Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet. 3. Tim Hortons – Canadians are crazy for Tim Horton’s. You can get a cup of coffee… a donut and breakfast biscuit and from that simplicity… Boom… Over 4 thousand stores serving maybe (I’m guessing) 20 thousand Canadians. 4. Canadian Bacon – Americans are the ones who call it Canadian Bacon. Canadians call it Back Bacon and in the country of Back… They call it American Bacon. 5. The Tragically Hip – The Tragically Hip are Canada’s Rock Band. It used to be Anne Murray until the Hip came along. I’ve been a big fan since the 90’s and I would describe them as a cross between the Rolling Stones and R.E.M. There is really no joke to tell here… Gord Downie is the front man, incredible lyricist and a totally unique personality. He has been diagnosed with an incurable form of Brain Cancer and Gord Downie responded to the diagnosis by immediately scheduling (What could be depending on his health) a final concert tour across Canada. The final show was televised nationally. It’s thought #5 because it just might have been the most important concert tour in history in consideration of the circumstances. ____________________ Lineups: TWINS Brian Dozier® 2B Robbie Grossman(S) LF Trevor Plouffe® 1B Miguel Sano® DH Max Kepler(L) RF Jorge Polanco(S) SS Eduardo Escobar(S) 3B Kurt Suzuki® C Eddie Rosario(L) CF Pat Dean P JAYS Jose Bautista® RF Josh Donaldson® 3B Edwin Encarnacion® DH Russell Martin® C Troy Tulowitzki® SS Melvin Upton Jr.® CF Darwin Barney® 2B Justin Smoak(S) 1B Ezequiel Carrera(L) LF Francisco Liriano P Click here to view the article

Alright... Gotta pack up the lap top now. I'll type something stupid at ya'll from Texas in a couple of days.