LaBombo

Then we're going to have to find that scorer and have a talk with him. And if you see his friend Shep Proudfoot, tell him we're gonna fix his wagon too. http://content6.flixster.com/question/44/51/04/4451044_std.jpg

It's beer ball rules, dude. He got to the spot first again. Whaddya gonna do? http://images4.static-bluray.com/reviews/1709_1.jpg

Dick with a roundup of big name retirements and likely free agent departures around the league after today, and Mark Teixeira is among the retirees. Didn't like him even before he sawed Nishioka in half, after which Nishi was never able to regain his former level of replacement level utility infielder. It's the face, I think. He just has that brochacho look that says he's everybody's kinda sorta friend until you accidentally knock his beer out of his hand at a party and you see his Bill Bromanowski face. http://charmcitywire.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/tex.jpg

http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--P6xm0_C6--/17yjc67977qmdjpg.jpg

Ethan the FSN researcher says that there hasn't been another first pitch inside-the-parker since at least 1988. And I, for one, am inclined to believe him, because I have neither the means nor the desire to look for myself. Well done, FSN's Ethan.

Yup. Today is bigger for him than it is for the other guys combined. Even if he's cruising after the 5th with a lead and a low pitch count, I hope Molitor has a lefty, a righty, and a Crash/Fire/Rescue team warmed up and ready to go in the bullpen. http://www.hometown-pages.com/Images/Images/100695.gif

Boom. Boom. Out go the lights. 25 for Sano, 200 for the Twins. Bright spots.

That, or indisposed due to IBS.

Does any Twin wish the season didn't end today more than Buxton does? Kid's having himself a month.

Big strikeout for Berrios, after being down 3-0 in the count and with two on. And... he's out of the inning..."Well done! Wuh! Wuh! Wuh!" http://cdn.playbuzz.com/cdn/45f48e9a-0309-4862-810b-0d2c1e21ad02/f32ce830-4a32-4097-9523-7d03b25a687d.gif

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Ok, that's a good first effort to get warmed up, but you gotta cut loose, glunn! Last game! Fire up! Otherwise, the game thread is going to have to blow on Mr. Glumm's tummy!

Buxton wasn't stopping at third if the stop sign were a burning bush. Not that there would have been. How often does the already rare inside-the-park HR not even a play at the plate?

...But only in the corner of my eye as I look away. Weird! Haven't been this weirded out by my computer since an ex sent me an email that made a fly walk across the inside of my monitor screen. http://img.ffffound.com/static-data/assets/6/8a4b395e1418e29836b8845e5d191423ad044d36_m.gif

I'm good with that. The last one looked like a Susan Sarandon cameo on The Walking Dead. Also, how did you make the eyeball look at the viewer? Is it a programmable .gif that hacks into the user's webcam? ..or is it just me, and the eyeball isn't actually moving...

You're a 2016 Twins fan. This is you support group. http://i.imgur.com/luDavg6.png

Game Thread Twins vs. Bad Guys at their pad 10/2/2016 Urgent and Horrifying News Story Edition "Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention please! The 2016 Minnesota Twins season is ending today! And the weirdo who always posts jpgs and gifs is doing the game thread!" Hello, long-suffering Twins fans. Game thread veteran and game thread creation rookie Labombo here. "Hi, Labombo!" So before we get on with the rest, let me assure you that this mess was created only after carefully reviewing the guidelines for game thread creation, from which this nugget of wisdom stood out: 4. We like positivity. I believe that's what my team of psychiatrists would call a conundrum. So let's just get this out of the way: the 2016 Minnesota Twins will finish the season with the worst record this franchise has ever had, leaving their indelible mark on the history of the Twins. http://steambrosllc.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/pet-stain-300x237.jpg 'Nuff said. Plenty of ink has been spilled, and billions of bits fired across the internet, about how bad the Twins were and what to do about fixing it. But not today. Today we celebrate the positive. But first, the lineups... Chicago White Sox 1. Adam Eaton (L) RF 2. Tim Anderson ® SS 3. Melky Cabrera (S) LF 4. Jose Abreu ® 1b 5. Justin Morneau (L) DH 6. Todd Frazier ® 3b 7. Alex Avila (L) C 8. Carlos Sanchez (S) 2b 9. Leury Garcia (S) CF - SP Chris Sale (L) Minnesota Twins 1. Byron Buxton ® CF 2. Jorge Polanco (S) SS 3. Robbie Grossman (S) DH 4. Miguel Sano ® 3b 5. Kennys Vargas (S) 1b 6. Max Kepler (L) RF 7. Eduardo Escobar (S) 2b 8. JR Murphy ® C 9. Logan Schager (L) LF - SP Jose Berrios ® Weather: 65 and cloudy, with a chance of a blowout. As expected, Brian Dozier is out of the lineup with a strained oblique. Tough break, since he's stuck at 99 RBI and has 3 HR in 38 career AB against Sale. So where was I? Oh, right... positivity. But look at the time! Game starts in less than two hours, the suggested deadline for posting the GT. So... positive... positive... I'm trying. Ok, so...Dozier. He had an amazing season while the Twins basically disintegrated like an experimental 1950's rocket plane around him. And Ervin. He posted a 3.38 with a worse defense than Grenada circa 1983 playing behind him. And... Buxton had a nice September. All right, so positivity is not always my thing, and there's other good stuff in the sea of awful that was this year's Twins squad. But my Positivity MVP for the 2016 Twins season is... The 2016 Twins Game Thread. Yes, that's right, fellow game threaders, you are all MVP's. You made a historically sucky season fun in an almost magical way that I've only seen one other place: Mystery Science Theater 3000... http://i2.wp.com/mirandacelestehale.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/alphabetanticskitteh.png?resize=478%2C312 The 2016 Twins were a movie so bad it somehow managed to be good, and sharing the experience of generating laughs from baseball that was at times as inexplicably goofy as a cat in a wedding gown was FUN! And you made it fun! Well done. And thanks to the mods for patrolling and maintaining the playground. PS An update for all the posters who've expressed concern for Carousel Corgi, the brave little dog who runs 'round in a show of solidarity with struggling Twins pitchers besieged by baserunners from all sides: http://img.pandawhale.com/105092-dog-running-on-merry-go-round-0XON.gif Though his little legs are tired and he's nearing his innings limit, CC is standing by for one last run, thanks to a potent cocktail of Red Bull and chondroitin coursing through his veins. A dog of few words, he asked me to pass on his thanks for your support and a plea for forgiveness if he has to go number two in the middle of another terrible Pat Dean outing.

Also of note is that the rest of Major League Baseball has respected the Twins' record-setting 103 loss season and let them have the awfulness spotlight all to themselves. No other team has more than 93 losses.

It's official! http://www.southworth.com/shop/swatches/popups_gold_s2.jpg Worst. Season. Ever.

It's the one situation we know where he's not going to give the bunt sign.

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That's not until the Renaissance Festival is over. My centaur gig comes before all other pursuits. http://ww1.hdnux.com/photos/24/56/36/5433276/3/920x920.jpg

As much fun as Dozier's improbable 42 homers have been, and much as I enjoy the kids learning the game and showing flashes of their potential, I'm getting pretty close to the point where I have about as much invested in watching the Twins as Will and the boys have watching a random little league game. http://blogwillhunting.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/gwh_baseball_spectators.jpg

Yeah, >100 losses and Morneau at the plate is as close to rooting for a White Sock as I'm ever likely to get. Might as well, cause with this pitching he's probably gonna crush the ball whether I'm pulling for him or not.

Heh. He is the Intentional Walk Ninja, striking swiftly and silently...