less cowbell more neau

Gloom, despair, and agony on me Deep, dark depression, excessive misery If it weren't for bad luck, Twins'd have no luck at all Gloom, despair, and agony on me There's always 2020

It's a trap!

I thought it was very punny

Jakey

This article probably requires a familiarity with Rick and Morty to make any sense now that I think of it. Maybe picturing an edgier Doc Brown and Marty McFly from Back to the Future if you've never seen Rick and Morty might help... or not.

Season 2, Episode 1 (Preview) Title: Derick of the Ed Darvishgerald Scene: approximately one month ago, C137 timeline. Thaddy's darkened bedroom at 1 Twins Way, a Nolan Ryan poster hangs above his bed. Thaddy is in bed sleeping. (Derick opens door and enters room, turns on light, stumbles drunkenly.) Derick: Thaddy! You gotta c'mon! Jus... Y[burps] gotta come with me! (Derick trips, falls at foot of bed, spilling alcoholic beverage from bottle on Thaddy's Rangers bedspread.) Thaddy: (Thaddy rubs eyes) What, Derick? What's going on? Derick: I've got a surprise for you, Thaddy. C'mon! Thaddy: It's the middle of the night, What.. what are you talking about? Derick: C'mon I gotta surprise for you. (grabs Thaddy by the ankle and drags him out of bed} We gotta go. Hurry up. Thaddy: Ow! Ow! You're tugging me too hard! Derick: We gotta go. We gotta get outta here. (drags Thaddy down the hallway of the Twins offices) I gotta surprise for you. Thaddy: (Derick lets go of Thaddy's ankle and he is able to stand up) Okay! Okay, I'm up! Geez! Wh-What's this all about Derick? (Thaddy brushes himself off as they walk down the hall) Derick: We're g(burps)ing on an adventure. We gotta go to Cleveland and get some Hot Sauce Williams hot sauce. Thaddy: Hot sauce? This is all about hot sauce? Aw, Geez! I can get you some real hot sauce from Tex... Derick: (interrupting) No, Thaddy! Not just any hot sauce, Hot Sauce Williams hot sauce! You can only get it in Cleveland. Hot Sauce Williams is a dump with a rude waitstaff so you know the hot sauce is good. Besides, everyone knows Texas quote, "hot sauce" close quote, is just ketchup with brown sugar and tabasco sauce. Thaddy: Aw, Derick, we've had this talk before and I really need my sleep! I'm supposed to meet with Yu Darvish for lunch tomorrow. He might really... Derick: (interrupting) Will you relax and shut up about Yu Darvish already? Do you really think he wants to bat ninth for some, some... National League team? Thaddy: H-h-he might, and then we'll end up with Mike Pelfrey... or Anabel Sanchez, or... People remember Bartolo Colon and Nik Turley. People are going to catch on to this, Derick. P-people... Derick: (interrupting) People are sheep! They spend hundreds of Earth dollars for a shirt with someone else's name on the back. I've seen infinite Yu Darvishes sign with infinite Twins teams and it doesn't work out in any of those timelines. Quit worrying, we'll be gone 20 minutes, 30 minutes tops. You'll have plenty of time to have your little lunch with Yu Darvish. (they arrive at the Twins parking garage) Thaddy: Okay, if you say so, Derick. Derick: Now, who's ready for some HO-O-OT SA-A-AUCE! (Derick takes out his portal gun and points it at the wall and a green portal appears) Oh-Hi-O(burps)h! (Derick and Thaddy walk into the portal and it disappears behind them. They don't return to the C137 timeline for five days) [End scene] [Derick and Thaddy opening title sequence plays]

Somewhere, in a fourth dimension tessaract, there's a timeline where Jimmers leads the Twins to a 2002 World Series win over the Giants, but giant telepathic spiders turn the victory parade route into a sticky-web strewn nightmare maze. There's always a trade off.

Google Translate tells me "ephinal satori" is Japanese for "painted chicken squid." Sounds like an interesting creature, to say the least.

Oh man, that TWIB theme... I, uh... it just... no, I'm not crying, you are!

I hope so. It would be cool to be running on maximum Kepler every game.

Phil Hughes: Next a rib needs to come out, get the whole rib removed at one time.

Most women are afraid to come forward, especially in a public case like this, because they are embarrassed, fear they won't be believed and will be verbally and/or physically attacked for reporting it. It took a lot of guts for her to make this public even after two years knowing what she might in for given Sano's status among Twins' fans.

The story broke today. The Twins FO knew nothing about this until today.

lol Hey gintzer! I'll try to tread carefully to avoid the landmines.

Seems to be more Twinkie Town's niche these days (RIP Bat-Girl). I'm pretty new here, I made what seemed like a harmless joke to me that the "Twins blew it" by not signing Giancarlo Stanton. I got a serious reply telling me I was dead wrong and a mod telling me he was going to leave it up, but nobody else should pursue that seriously. Yikes! Doesn't seem to be a lot of wiggle room in the "fine line between negativity and criticism" for humor here. But again, I'm pretty new here, so maybe it's just a matter of adjusting my eyes to a different community.

I'm a bit tepid on this signing.

I'm taking a wait 'n see approach and see how he does this spring.

Good article. Who's doing the scouting for the Twins in that region? That would be my only concern as far as any more KBO or NPB players go, but 0-2 is an awfully small sample size.

RIP pitch-to-contact