We Didn’t Start (Tony) Fiore: An Ode to the 2002 Twins

Inspired by Billy Joel’s concert at Target Field on July 28th.

Tom Kelly retires. Terry Ryan rehires.

Carl Pohlad conspires with Commissioner Bud.

Contraction. Legal Action. Metrodome gets an injunction.

Forty year old franchise. Saved by a judge.

A decade since ’91. Losing in near every one.

New Season. New Skipper. Franchise evading death.

Brad Radke. Opening Day. Eddie G. gets the save.

2002 is underway. Twins fans hold your breath.

[CHORUS]

We didn’t start Fiore.*

The ten wins were deceiving

But he was mostly relieving.

It was the start for Gardenhire.

From near-contraction to payoff,

His only win in the playoffs.

* Except Twice

League of Nations infield. Mientkiewicz. Rivas.

Denny Hocking. Christian Guzman. Corie Koskie.

DH. Dave Ortiz. Back before he was released.

Terry Ryan starts cryin’ if you mention Big Papi.

AJ behind the plate. Before he was the Guy To Hate.

Torii Hunter. Gold Glove. All Star Center Field.

Left Field. Jacques Jones. 11 lead off home runs.

Buchanon, Dusty KeilMohr and Cuddyer Right Field.

[REPEAT CHORUS – because I’m not retyping it.]

Rotation. Twins Nation. Eric Milton, Joe Mays and

Brad Radke. The Big 3. All suffer injury.

Kyle Lohse’s best year. Rick Reed in high gear.

Johan Santana. Heavenly manna. 14 starts eventually.

Bullpen. Bend don’t break. LaTroy in the eighth.

Mike (not Michael) Jackson. Fiore vulture wins.

Bob Wells. Jack Cressand. JC Romero’s left hand.

Eddie G. saves 45 closing for the Twins.

[REPEAT CHORUS – or don’t. The joke is tired by now.]

94 and 67. AL Central Champions.

ALDS. Oakland As. Down to game 5.

AJ homers and naturally, spot Eddie 4, he’ll give up 3.

Gardy gets his playoff win. Never will occur again.

ALCS starts at home. Homer Hanky. Metrodome.

Split 2 with the Angels. On to Anaheim.

Rally Monkey. Lost in 5. But damn it’s fun to be alive

When it’s not a losing scene, and your town still has a team.

[please don’t REPEAT CHORUS. Start trashing your guitars.

Keep the tape rolling until the drummer kicks over the drum set.]