You know who I blame for this complete mess of a season that is the 2016 Twins?

Quentin Tarantino.

This winter, I sat down in a movie theater to watch the gory glory of Tarantino's Hateful Eight in all its 70 mm Ultra Panavision splendor. Tarantino set his most recent carnage-piece in an isolated stagecoach lodge called Minnie's Haberdashery.

"Minnie's Haberdashery," I thought during the intermission. "That would be a good nickname for Target Field." (Just to show that baseball is never too far from my mind.) Then the blood bath started on screen. When I left the theater in hopeless despair I thought, “I hope this isn't an omen for the Twins season.”

Turns out it was.

Hell, I should have known. The movie even had a character named Oswaldo.

This complete savage butchery of a baseball season that the Twins have played has earned the right to be called Tarantinoesque.

So, for the remainder of the 2016 season, I'm going to refer to Target Field as Minnie's Haberdashery. Out there in center field in neon, that’s big sweet old Minnie, shaking hands with Paul, inviting him and you kindly into his quaint little establishment for a pleasant evening of baseball. What can go wrong?

Well, just wait until after the intermission.