formerly33

Tigers strike early. (CBU)

Well, I think that she moved to ChiTown the same year we invented what is now commonly known as the Wild, so you can hardly blame her.

Twins. Definitely.

I'm not sure what dnrtr means. It looks to me like those really bad letters that you can't do anything with at the end of a scrabble game...kind of like the Tigers' bullpen. Hopefully we get to see them try to play those letters later on. We could use some entertainment.

Game Thread, Twins @ Tigers, 5/14 @ 12:08 pm CT Today Hrbowski and I are doing the opposite of what we did yesterday; he'll post the lineups and weather report after I give you your Five Things to Think About (yeah, I decided that this is the best format to use, though at first I thought that I'd try to be original, but that just didn't work out quite how I wanted it to - I mean, I'm still pretty proud of my Take Me Out to the Ball Game OP, but if I did that every time...well, that'd be a lot of repetition going on here, so...). 1 - The Playoff Race - Here we are, approximately 1/5th of the way into the season, and the Tigers can see us alarmingly close in their rear view mirror (and you know how small objects look on those contraptions? well, I'm telling you that we look pretty darn big to the Tigers). Not only that, the other day I made the astonishing discovery that Riverbrian is still set to reach a prediction he made one month ago with a 100% success rate. That's a perfect score. I found it while reading old game threads (so much to learn from them); here you go: "The playoff race -- On Friday... I stated that I was disappointed that the Twins were already mathematically eliminated from the AL Central Title. It turns out that my math was wrong... They are not mathematically eliminated. The Twins are 5 games back with 156 games to go. I given it a lot of thought and here's how the Twins can win the title and it's really quite simple. Right now... The Twins are 1-5 on the road... Extrapolate that over 81 road games and that comes out to 13.5 wins on the road... Let's be optimistic and round that up to 14 wins. That gives the Twins a 14-67 record on the road. So... If my Math is Correct... All the Twins have to do is produce a 76-5 record at home for 90 wins and a probably playoff spot. When you consider that Teams usually have a better record at home... This is so doable." However in the world do you do it, Brian?! 2 - Patrick Sharp - Now you're probably wondering why on earth I would want to talk about a Blackhawks player when they just kicked the Wild out of the playoffs and most of us are Wild fans. Well, the fact of the matter is that until last night, nobody could help but think about him anyway since ChiTown, a random Hawks fan who blew my way a while back and went out of her way to try to teach me to try to appreciate her team's goal song, was also trying to teach us all to appreciate the fact that she's got some pretty good looking players on her team. Unfortunately it seems to have backfired a bit with me since whenever I would read something that she wrote on here and happened to glance up at her profile picture, I would give a sort of jump since I'd be expecting to see her (or a random ChiTown picture at least), but instead I'd see this dreamy male face in Blackhawks uniform staring out at me. It was rather unnerving, to say the least. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that every single time that happened, I was inevitably reminded of the scene in Bringing Up Baby when Susan's grandma first met David. She was naturally expecting to see Susan (or a random Susan thing at least), but instead, there was this dreamy male face staring out at her from a fluffy cloud of pink bathrobe. I think she must have experienced the same feeling that I did each time I saw Patrick Sharp. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_A8U6aUPW48 Needless to say, I like ChiTown's new choice of a cellist playing in a hot crustacean band much, much better than the last. 3 - Tigers - You know, the Tigers are the easiest team to make fun of. I love them for that. In fact, I used to love them so much, you would have thought I was a Tigers fan if you didn't know any better. A few years ago they were my family's second favorite team. For instance, my brothers and I used to re-write the Tigers' lineup card. We mourned that we would never be able to shout across Comerica Park, "Leading off for the Tigers in CF...A**ton Jacka**! Batting second in RF...Torii Poacher! In the 3-hole at 3B...José Torres! Batting clean-up at 1B...King Error!...Handy Dirt!...Failure Martinez!" The lineup was heaven for trolls like us...not that José is such a terrible name, but I think Miggy would have been mildly surprised to hear himself called that. If only I had been on TD back then...but I might have gotten into some real trouble if I had. And it figures that we got one of them back...luckily he wasn't one of the ones that we gave a really terrible name to. I can even turn it around to suit us quite nicely: Hopefully Torii Poacher bags some rare game tonight - for the Twins. How 'bout a dingo, a fat ol' razorback, or a nice, big... Tiger?!? 4 - Twins - I never can get over the fact that Joe Mauer had twins. How many players can brag that their kids are what their team is? Not many people would believe Albert Pujols if he said that his kids were angels (though I suppose his kids probably come a lot closer to that than any other Angels player's do), but nobody in their right mind would ever doubt that Maren and Emily Mauer are twins. Now, one could always argue that it's no big deal because Buster Posey had twins, too, but the point of the matter is that he did not have giants. Back to the topic of general interest, however, the Mauer twins are going to celebrate their 2nd birthday in just a little over a month. That means that they're reaching That Age. Everybody knows what That Age is, so I won't go into any unnecessary details trying to explain, but my sister has always said that - "The problem with a baby is THAT It eventually becomes a BRAT." I think that we'll all agree that that's the sad truth. I mean, if we had a vote on here, wouldn't you all unanimously agree that I'm a brat? If not, I've got a little story to tell you to remove all doubt: Once when I was not much older than the Mauer twins are now (to go on record, I do not remember this; I've just heard the story enough times to feel like I can relay the message with a certain level of authenticity), my aunt came to visit while I was taking my afternoon nap. The legend goes that I woke up and came downstairs, eyes blurred with sleep but twinkling, nonetheless, and I marched up to my aunt and lifted the skirts of my dress high over my head. I was immediately reprimanded and sent upstairs (no doubt amid giggles from the older family members present); surprisingly, I obeyed sans tantrum. A minute or two later I came back down again with a look of perfect innocence on my face (I was probably trying to convince them that I was as much of an angel as the Pujols children would eventually be, despite any previous thoughts to the contrary); standing in front of my aunt, I lifted my dress once more...and...I had taken off my diaper. My mom often says that I wouldn't be such a brat if only she could find a way to remove my audience. Well, I'm afraid that she made up a fairly large percentage of my audience that day. Maybe if she hadn't laughed, I wouldn't be so bratty. But we'll never know. 5 - Ish vs. Ick - Like Brian and his math problems, I've been giving a lot of thought to this lately, and I think that I've actually managed to come up with a way to define it pretty clearly. I know that ChiTown and JB are the experts when it comes to these two adjectives, so they can correct me if I'm wrong, but to be honest, I used to know how and when to use them just as well as they do until I realized that some people don't; then I got all confused and started thinking about which one to use instead of letting my sixth sense decide for me. That really got me to thinking - if the guys on here could only forget that there is indeed a difference and instead make a point to just say the first thing that comes to their mind, they'd probably have it down pat in no time. It's kind of like this: suppose that for some strange and ungentlemanly reason you forgot how to muscle past the gag reflex. At that same unfortunate moment, you saw/heard something gross, and before you realized it, your throat kicked back. If it sounded more like Ick, then it was Ick. If it sounded more like Ish, it was Ish. The difference is all in the latter 67% of the word; honestly, it isn't as hard as JB and ChiTown are trying to make it sound. For instance, take a look at these examples. Imagine that you were at a dog show and saw one of those celebrated porn stars that they call Poodles waltz around the ring with a huge fur coat, hat, mittens, and boots on - but no pants or underwear. What would you think? Ick, of course. Now, this other example actually involves something that happened to me a not too long ago. (You should already be sympathizing with me, but if not, that's okay. I'll forgive you for once since even I can laugh about it now.) My sister was making meatballs and obeyed a sudden impulse to put them on a cookie sheet before arranging them in the pan she was going to cook them in. I came into the kitchen a while later and saw what appeared in the low lighting to be raisins and cookie dough on a cookie sheet. If you are asking yourself if this is going where you're thinking, the answer is yes, so quick, cover your mouth with both hands and press down hard. To resume...I reached down, picked up a generous amount of what I took to be neglected cookie crumbs, and popped them into my mouth...and.....iiiiiish. For your information, that was the first time in a long time that something I put into my mouth with the intention of eating didn't complete its original destination. And to go on record, it was weeks before I could eat red meat without my stomach turning...not to mention that I'll never, ever again say that raw meat smells good - not even with the spices in it. http://forums.techguy.org/attachments/18067d1055603162/bow.gif (Hrbowski, the spotlight's on you now.)

You know what's even funnier is "The Ransom of Red Chief" - hey, was that our Chief?! It was long enough ago. He probably would have been about 10 years old at the time.

By the way, I didn't choose Trey because he was picked in the 33rd round...though when I saw that I will admit I couldn't have been happier. 33 is my magic number.

Westphal pitched another inning in relief today and allowed 1 unearned run on 1 hit, 1 strikeout, and 2 walks. His ERA is down to 4.58.

Or maybe they were well-tempered enough but wanted to create an Ill-Tempered Clavier.

BALLGAME!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you mean, one for three? I got a good base hit with an 0-2 count. What more could you expect?

No, you'll want something more like this: http://rlv.zcache.com/classic_cello_on_black_iphone_6_case-rc8108f24ba1f42c48a2f37ffe0c42eb5_zzs90_398.jpg?rlvnet=1

I don't think it's a matter of missing...I think that there's more keys than necessary, not less (well, unless you look at it like Chief). But yeah, I guess you could say that it's missing C's and F's.

It worked ChiTown! At least yours...not mine.

PUT IT IN THE SEATS.

There!

http://cdn.themetapicture.com/media/funny-iPhone-design-case-piano.jpg

Who took it down

http://cdn.themetapicture.com/media/funny-iPhone-design-case-piano.jpg Those who don't see what's so terribly wrong with this...are probably lying. Can you imagine?!

Hrby, what do you say to this one? http://rlv.zcache.com/flute_operating_area_key_chains-r0a626f77b5b947c5881becb70cc611e7_x7j3z_8byvr_324.jpg

http://rlv.zcache.com/funny_flute_skull_mousepad-r48da2769441a47bfabf572f55c61d7bb_x74vi_8byvr_512.jpg

Almost as much as a real life Dozier.

I'm so Swiss I found it offensive to melt impersonated Swiss cheese. You should have smelled it.

What? Ugh. You obviously weren't there to smell it. Ish. You lucky person. That's the closest I've ever come to gagging.