Riverbrian

Its a little bit funny... Heyward... Wasn't funny... Taking one in the Butt... Ball players laugh Everytime.

Thank You Thank You... Ashbury ordered me to do it.

3 best friends work together at a construction company. They are working on a high rise 25 floors up and taking a lunch break. Irish Guy opens his lunchbox and says "Corned Beef again... If I get Corned Beef one more time... I'm jumping". Italian Guy opens his lunchbox and says "Spaghetti again... If I get Spaghetti one more time... I'm jumping". Polish Guy opens his lunchbox and says "Polish Sausage again... If I get Polish Sausage one more time I'm jumping". Next day... At Work... Lunchtime... Irish guy opens up his lunch box... It's Corned Beef and he jumps... Italian guy... It's Spaghetti and off he goes... Polish Guy... Yep... It's a polish sausage and he leaps. At the funeral... All 3 wives were in tears and talking to each other. Irish guys wife: I had no idea he was that sick and tired of corned beef... I feel terrible. Italians Guy Wife: I know... I wouldn't have given him Spaghetti again if I knew. Polish guys wife: Don't look at me... He made his own lunches.

I was heading out to a Sports Bar yesterday to Watch the Twins and my favorite shirt was dirty. My wife was busy fixing the car so I knew I had to wash it myself. Me: I'm washing my favorite shirt... What setting do I use on the washing machine. Wife: That depends... What does it say on the Shirt. Me: Minnesota Twins

I'm glad you did.

Ashbury's Wife on a bright sunny afternoon went for a drive to Reno... She stops at the Gun Shop: Owner: Can I help You Ash Wife: I'm looking for a gun... It's for my husband. Owner: we got a lot of choices here but I should let you know that choosing a gun is a very personal selection... They should be properly suited for the owner. You may want to bring him along to make sure we get the right gun. Ash Wife: That would spoil the surprise. Owner: I see... You are looking to surprise him Ash Wife: Yeah... He has no idea I'm gonna shoot him.

Umm... We are N' Sync

I didn't get this... But... I laughed anyway.

Q: How do men sort their laundry A: Filthy and a filthy but wearable

Thats gonna be painful.

Actually... They should try... The standard way isn't working.

We gotta stop striking out with a runner on third with less than two outs. We won't be a good baseball team until we do. We can't rely on Herrmann to bail us out every time.

And with that... I can kick off the string of Man Jokes... It's only fair since I did Woman jokes a couple of days ago. Q: What do you call a man with half a brain? A: Gifted

I'm beginning to think you go to Target and just hang around and relax on the patio furniture.

Unbelievable... Hammer's at Bat... Was Horrible. Doumits at bat was at least tolerable and Plouffe was overmatched.

Real good start... But we gotta score. C'mon Hammer Swing the bat... That's what it's there for

Not at all... We fully support families. So I drank a couple of beers with the boy and taught him a bunch of cool pick up lines for girls that I can't use anymore.

Twins: SP Sam Deduno 2B Dozier C Herrmann 1B Morneau DH Willingham RF Doumit 3B Plouffe CF Thomas LF Ramirez SS Florimon Indians: SP Ubaldo Jimenez CF Bourn 1B Swisher 2B Kipnis C Santana LF Brantley SS Cabrera DH Giambi 3B Chisenhall RF Stubbs Things to Think About: 1. Think about Dead Arm... Dead Arm or Live Arm or just an arm... I really don't know what it is... Gardy has been suspicious that Deduno may be trying to deal with dead arm. I've heard the term dead arm before from following the majors but I can't recall personally ever running across a pitcher suffering from a bout of it away from the majors. Of Course... I was coaching and playing with players from 13 to 21 years old and nobody that had to log 100 plus innings in a year so dead arm isn't something expected to happen. These guys throw a lot and maybe the arms says... "C'mon now... Enough is Enough... I don't want to make this easy for you". 2. Think about the Playoffs... The Indians are just 2.5 back of the wild card spot. The Indians should be starting to ramp it up soon. The Fans should be starting to ramp it up soon. Each game is going to be crucial for them. Meaningful games means an atmosphere that goes with it. It'll be interesting to try and gauge intensity tonight. If the Gauge is on the low side. I'll predict that they fall. 3. Think about Ubaldo... Ubaldo... What a name... Have you ever thought of naming your son Ubaldo? Or your Dog? In 2010 Ubaldo performed to the tune of a 2.88 in Colorado. In 2010... Ubaldo was considered to be one of the top starters in baseball. In 2011 it fell apart... A 4.46 ERA in 2011 that led to a trade to Cleveland. The Indians traded two highly rated pitching prospects (at the time) Drew Pomeranz and Alex White. There were some who felt that Indians gave up a lot to get a pitcher who was once great but struggling pretty hard at the time of the trade. In 2012 Ubaldo was even worse with an ERA of 5.40. Ubaldo has been better this year with a 4.00 going into tonights game but he is still not the Ubaldo he once was. 4. Think about Pomeranz and White... So the Indians overpaid for a questionable production from Ubaldo... So what did the Rockies get with Pomerenz and White. Too soon to tell but Pomeranz hasn't been much... At the age of 24... Pomeranz has made 4 starts for the Rockies with an ERA of 8.10 and he isn't exactly hanging zero's with Colorado Springs either. Alex White is 23 years old and has made 30 major league starts with an ERA of with a 6.03. He was traded to the Houston Astros as part of package to acquire Wilton Lopez. Yeah That's Right... Thee Wilton Lopez!!! In other words... He was kinda given away. 2013 with the Astros is N/A because he is having a little Tommy John Surgery. So... after you think about Ubaldo, Pomeranz and White and the blockbuster deal that they were a part of... After you think about... Can you conclude that neither team is happy with the deal? 5. Think about Hide and Seek... My boys are older now so it's been awhile since I played a game of hide and seek. One of my co-workers brought their 5 year old by work and he was running around the building and he stopped by my office and asked if I wanted to play hide and seek. I almost said OK... But I stopped and thought better of it because at my age... I'm surely going through a mid-life crisis and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to find myself.

Twins: SP Andrew Albers 2B Dozier C Herrmann 1B Morneau DH Willingham RF Doumit 3B Plouffe CF Thomas LF Ramirez SS Bernier Tigers: SP Justin Verlander CF Jackson RF Hunter 3B Cabrera 1B Fielder DH Martinez LF Tuiasosopo 2B Infante SS Iglasias C Holaday Things to Think About: 1. Think about Albers... 3 Starts under his belt... This is all pretty new to him... If it's not new to him... Facing off against the Tigers and Justin Verlander should be. 2. Think about Verlander... He's gotta matchup against Albers... Right now... Albers is blowing Verlander away in the ERA Department. 3. Think about Tuiasosopo... What football Roster did they grab him off of. Names like that are usually playing on the line of scrimmage somewhere. 4. Think about 6 thru 9... The Tigers are not very scary either 6 through 9 in the batting order. 5. Think about Self Help Groups... My Wife suggested I should look into a self help group. I couldn't get past the thought of how I can get "Self" Help in a group. The fact that I couldn't get past that... Probably suggests that I could use some help.

Because it was Jokes about Women Night for me... I promise to have a Jokes about Men night later for balance. Such as... What's the difference between a Man and Government Bonds? Bonds Mature

Riverbrian: I married my wife for her looks... (Pause)... But not the ones she has been giving me lately!

Guy #1: My Wife is an Angel Guy #2: (Sighs) My Wife is still alive.

ChiTown: Doctor... It's the weirdest thing... For the past 3 days... Every time I sneeze... I have an orgasm. Doctor: Really... That is very strange. What have you been doing. ChiTown: Snorting Pepper

Marriage: An expensive way to get laundry done.