Riverbrian

Regardless of what half cooked defensive metrics suggest... Dozier is not below average defensively. Also...The Polanco arm thing is starting to take on a life of its own. His has arm strength... I've seen him make throws from the hole with plenty of zip. Accuracy... may be the arm issue but I see many posters report it as an arm strength issue.

Its’ the Twins vs. the Tigers and the big questions is: What is going in Minnesota? The last time I asked that question was when Jesse Ventura was elected Governor. Jesse “The Body” won in 1998 with a campaign war chest of 300 thousand dollars while our Twins are winning with a war chest of 20 players who went undrafted in most fantasy baseball leagues on the 25 man roster. The Twins have thus far beaten the Skip Humphrey Royals and the Norm Coleman White Sox and once that happens… you can get that light rail built. Here are some things to think about: 1. Detroit – In the investment world there is an old saying… “The time to buy is when there’s blood in the streets.” So… buy Detroit!!! Do it now before it gets all revitalized and stuff. The automobile industry isn’t what it once was and is for the most part out of Detroit now leaving behind poverty, crime and urban blight; you know, basically all of the stuff that the tourism industry loves to work with when crafting those clever ad campaigns: Detroit: The Midnight Trains to Anywhere are full to capacity. Detroit: You gotta lose your life in Detroit Rock City Detroit: The New Orleans of the North Detroit: The reason why Eminem has a nervous eye twitch Detroit: It’s even worse than Robocop predicted 2. Our Twins – So far we have a small sample size proof that pitching and defense can win you baseball games. We’ve had 5 games of good pitching and defense and 1 game where the pitching and defense failed us. I’ll let you all guess which games we won and which one we lost. Sano is looking like he might hit 50 bombs this year while Escobar and Polanco are both coming up big. Castro has also been a decent offensive force but all in all… it hasn’t been the offense getting it done. Dozier has been average but well below expectation thus far and Kepler, Mauer, Rosario and Buxton have to get hot to get to average with the bat. It’s been pitching and defense… perhaps the two things we were most concerned about after North Korea and Charlie Sheen. 3. The Tigers – The Tigers are motivated to win this year for owner Mike Ilitch who passed away in February. It’s been well publicized that Illitch wanted to win a title for Detroit while he was alive; and he spent a lot of money in that quest but sadly never achieved it. The Tigers will wear a “Mr. I” patch on their jerseys in tribute. Mr. I also owned the Red Wings and Little Caesars Pizza. Will this wake up the Tigers and spur them to loftier heights? Maybe… but I should point out that the Red Wings were motivated enough to finish the season 11-14-3 and Little Caesars Pizza is about to get overtaken by Papa John’s despite those commercials that seem to imply that Papa John Schnatter is personally touching every pizza. 4. Today’s Joe M Conversation McCarthy: Hey Joe… I was driving on Highway 10 and drove right through the town of Big Lake. Mauer: I’ve been there. Maddon: How big was the lake? McCarthy: Not that Big… I could see across to the other side easily. Maddon: I wonder who named the lake? Mauer: Whoever it was… they had nothing left when they reached Mille Lacs after wasting Big. McCarthy: I didn’t see any Elks around Elk River, either. 5. Privacy – My wife has been giving me the silent treatment this past week. I didn’t realize that she that was doing that. I just thought we were getting along great. ____________________ Lineups: TWINS Brian Dozier 2B Robbie Grossman DH Jorge Polanco SS Miguel Sano 3B Jason Castro C Chris Gimenez 1B Eddie Rosario LF Byron Buxton CF Danny Santana RF Hector Santiago P TIGERS Ian Kinsler 2B Nick Castellanos 3B Miguel Cabrera 1B Victor Martinez DH Justin Upton LF Mikie Mahtook RF James McCann C JaCoby Jones CF Dixon Machado SS Matt Boyd P Game-time forecast: 62 deg F, some sun, some clouds - about half and half, small chance of rain, but probably not, winds coming from the WSW at 11mph. Play ball! Click here to view the article

I love it. He is also looking like he isn't going to let anyone turn to dust on the bench either. Keep it up Paul.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. You can't beat Bark Art!!! These gems will never go under appreciated by me.

Bark!!! Ooo Ooo!!!! Take the leg statues that Chitown posted and finish them with Twins faces on them

Like the statues... the answer to your question is: Partially

Yeah my mistake... I meant that Chicago Pizza weighs 100 pounds.

Inspired by the 3 game opening series sweep of the Kansas City Royals, my plan was to kick this thing off with a history of sweeping. My initial google search led me to a Washington Post article, “Roots is a sweeping history,” and that was not the direction I planned on heading. I continued to search but it became obvious that no one knows when sweeping started. There is a mention of the act of sweeping in the bible so I assume it has been around awhile. I decided to give up trying to sound like I knew something about such things. I rarely use a broom… I’m not even sure how you plug them in… and I’m a Twins Fan so it’s not like I’m getting a lot of sweeping experience that way either. Here are some things to think about: 1. Chicago – The Windy City is a weird place. Just cruise by the art and it doesn’t take long to come to that conclusion. Chicagoans are basically down to earth people but when they make a concentrated effort to be snobby… they choose to be snobby about… of all things… Hot Dogs. They like their sandwiches wet which is odd because Clark Griswold is from Chicago and he clearly didn’t like his sandwich wet at all. Every Friday night they hold turtle races at Big Joe's. This is not a race between Greg Luzinski and Ron Kittle… they race actual turtles; the races begin at 9:30 on Friday nights and they end on the following Thursdays at 6PM. Chicago has LED faces that spit water, a 100 pound steel bean that distorts your reflection, buildings that are shaped like corn cobs, 16 inch softballs and Oprah Winfrey. Chicago also has 37 bridges that separate to allow cars to fall into the river and that river turns green once a year probably from all the anti-freeze leaking out of the cars that fall into the river because of those unpredictable bridges. 2. Our Twins – Life is good right now in Twins Territory. Three games and three wins and we have nothing to complain about. Not that we won’t try to complain anyway. Byron Buxton looks like September was a long time ago, Joe Mauer looks like 2009 was a long time ago, Brian Dozier hasn’t homered yet but Sano has and Jason Castro has pitch framed his pitching staff to 5 runs in 27 innings for an ERA under 2. I see no reason the Twins won’t keep winning as long as the White Sox walk 16 batters over 3 games like the Royals did. 3. The White Sox – It was a partial fire sale for the Sox this off season. Rumors were frequent that everyone was going away. Sale, Eaton, Quintana, Frazier, Abreu were on the trading block but like typical White Sox… they just couldn’t complete the plan. They may have moved Quintana but the asking price became too high after what they received for Eaton. They just ain’t going to trade their players for any ole’ hot dog. They want a special Hot Dog and they want mustard, onions, relish, tomatoes, peppers and celery salt thrown into the deal. What a bunch of snobs they are!!! 4. Today’s Joe M Conversation Mauer: Hey Joe, what are you doing. Maddon: I’m watching this giraffe here on my phone. Her name is April and she is going to give birth any moment. McCarthy: She still hasn’t given birth yet. Jeez… Let that thing drop already. Mauer: That’ll be a long drop… they should put down some pillows or something. McCarthy: I was watching last month and I got tired of waiting. Maddon: Last month? McCarthy: Yeah it’s been streaming for about a month now… Still Waiting I guess. Mauer: People have been watching this… all that time? McCarthy: Yeah Maddon: The same people who think baseball is too long? McCarthy: Yeah… The Same People. 5. Privacy – My wife told me that she didn’t want me posting her private details publicly anymore. Not on Twins Daily, Facebook, Twitter or anything like that… She said that it wasn’t anyone else’s business. I love her and respect her so I told her that I wouldn’t, although I suspect that her hemorrhoids are making her a little cranky. ____________________ Lineups: TWINS Brian Dozier 2B Robbie Grossman DH Byron Buxton CF Miguel Sano 1B Jorge Polanco SS Max Kepler RF Eduardo Escobar 3B Chris Gimenez C Eddie Rosario LF Phil Hughes, P WHITE SOX Tyler Saladino 2B Tim Anderson SS Melky Cabrera LF Jose Abreu 1B Todd Frazier 3B Cody Asche DH Avisail Garcia RF Geovany Soto C Leury Garcia CF Derek Holland, P Game-time forecast: 45 deg F, a few clouds here and there, very low chance of rain, winds at 5mph from the east ... which means from across the lake ... brrrrrr. Click here to view the article

This is still your best

I LOVE BARK ART!!!

I just stopped with the biscuits. Just doing the gravy now.

Put Falvey in there somewhere

IT'S BEEN AWHILE!!! C'mon.. That was the lowest hanging fruit What are doing way up there in the trees. You could have stayed on your knees.

In all seriousness... (I have to type something like that when I'm actually serious). I wonder about Buxton 3 and Mauer 4 like everybody else but... I believe that Mauer should be handcuffed to Buxton hitting behind him in the order. So... 3 4 is kinda OK with me. OK... I'll duck behind furniture now to avoid the tomatoes.

I wonder if the Royals will start trading Hosmer, Moose and Cain tomorrow.

Hey look... That's Sano up

My doctor did the same thing but told me 10 Feet 10 Inches

Yeah it's possible... let's go with that. Just so you know... I wouldn't bother fact checking anything I type. It's pointless since I typically don't fact check anything before I type it.

67 Game Winners?

I assume you didn't just screw off a cap or pop a tab because that wouldn't have taken that long.

I just got caught up and read all of the posts and just as I did... Sano got the Twins caught up. Caught up Synergy.

Almost as good as Travis Rabbithat

I'd agree with that but I'd rather have less runners reaching third base.