Riverbrian

POLANCO I control-c and control-x'd that from an earlier post tonight.

Nah... he could hear Dick from the next booth over and got led astray

I'm ready for Robo Ump

And... And... Bathroom Tile, Garage Floors, Backyard and the stairs leading to the basement.

PIG: I'm not stupid... I know what that Smoker is for!!!

That's how I slide when trying not to slide

Vargas... is like... I wasn't going anywhere... I promise.

POLONCO

Eventually squeezing orange juice at a Tropicana factory.

It's a shame that nobody names their children "New Hampshire" anymore.

I've had this argument many times and nobody has ever been able to convince me otherwise. When the question of who the greatest player of all time comes up. I always say... I don't know... but whoever he is... He is playing right now. They are getting more talented and athletic by the year. Coaching, Evolution... whatever. The kids are getting real good out there. So I think it's that Along with the juiced baseballs.

I'm not sure but I'll be out and about today so... I will most likely run home 3 or more times.

My math may have been a little diminished or undervalued or something.

LOL I did have to use common sense a couple of times and tune her out. I really didn't trust her when she was claiming that there was a road underneath the water of that lake.

I’m trying to remember the last time the Twins played a team 8 times in an 11 game span and I can’t come up with anything. I suppose I could look it up but I’m not sure what to type in the Google search box. After losing the 5-game series last week… we all know that the White Sox can’t be taken lightly during this 3-game series that starts tonight. Back in May when the Twins lost a game, it was easy to “Oh Well” it away. Those individual losses were just not that painful because the story was still being built. We had no idea where it was going to go and it was easy to be even keel. It’s funny how things have changed because now… each loss is starting to really sting. This is what I always hope for… meaningful baseball games in September... and it looks like I’m getting my wish. Careful what you wish for because you just might get it. This means that each loss going forward is going to be disturbing and I doubt the Twins will be able to win them all to keep me from feeling any sadness. I’m realizing this and I’m prepping myself for it; I’m getting ready for the occasional gut punch. It’s late August, you can all talk about steady, even keel or whatever, but I don’t believe it’s possible right now. Every game is going to matter. Counter-balance is what I’ll be seeking because you need sadness to know what happiness is and you need happiness to know what sadness is. I know I’ll be sad with a loss so I have to jubilant with each win for balance. Without that necessary counter balance of jubilation… the terrorists win. Here are some things to think about: 1. Chisago City – This town of 5,000 plus was settled back in the 1850’s by Swedish immigrants. The name of the town means “I Can’t Spell” in Swedish. Einstein proposed the hypothetical possibility of wormholes with his theory of relativity and their existence has not been proven conclusively yet, however… a wormhole of sorts does exist on highway 8 just outside of Chisago City. Motorists heading Southwest on Highway 8 enter a wormhole of sorts and in just 7 minutes time they come out the other end in Wyoming. This is not funny unless you are aware of the nearby existence of Wyoming, Minnesota. Actually this is not funny even if you are aware of the nearby existence of Wyoming, Minnesota. Ok… let’s try this… Chisago City has a worm hole… millions of them… all over the place… dug by actual worms. OK… that didn’t work either. How about… the only place that is 35 miles from Minneapolis and 7 miles from Wyoming? There will be a collection plate at the end of the aisle where you can all put your boos and hisses. 2. Our Twins – Byron Buxton is the player of the week and he probably beat Jorge Polanco to get the honor. The Twins have been playing well and the long ball has been a big reason why. In the past 11 games, the Twins have collectively hit 24 home runs. Compare this with the 12 home runs that they hit in the previous 119 games and the turnaround has been impressive. 3. The White Sox – Ish… Ick… whatever one of those works. I’m tired of talking about the White Sox because they make me sick or sish… whatever one of those works. They are not very good this year but still capable of beating us or the Dodgers on any given night. Bring on Shields and his 5.64 era, Holland and his 6.05 and Gonzalez with his is 4.30. Bring on Yolmer and I’m going to try my best to keep my food down. 4. Today’s Joe M Conversation: McCarthy: Are you reading Modern Bride again? Montana: Yep, it’s my favorite magazine. Mauer: Anything interesting in there? Montana: Says here that 4,035,257 people got married last year in the United States. Maddon: Wow… that’s a lot… just think of the money that industry produces yearly. Morgan: Shouldn’t that be an even number? McCarthy: It’s staggering the amount of money needed to put on a decent wedding… when my daughter got married, I was worried about paying for it so I went to the bank and asked them to check my balance and the banker pushed me over and said not very good. 5. Roadtrip – Last week, I drove over 4,200 miles. This was a tremendous accomplishment in consideration of my driving attentiveness. I was following my Garmin yet I still drove past a few exits and missed some turns. I swear to all of you that I heard the Garmin finally say to me “In one mile… stop and let me out!” ____________________ Lineups: WHITE SOX Leury Garcia LF Yolmer Sanchez 2B Jose Abreu 1B Avisail Garcia RF Matt Davidson 3B Kevan Smith C Tyler Saladino DH Tim Anderson SS Adam Engel CF James Shields P TWINS Brian Dozier 2B Joe Mauer 1B Jorge Polanco SS Eddie Rosario LF Byron Buxton CF Max Kepler RF Kennys Vargas DH Eduardo Escobar 3B Chris Gimenez C Ervin Santana P Weather: 77 deg F, partly cloudy, no rain, winds at 4mph from the NW Click here to view the article

Perfect Now if I can just figure out how to include it with each Joe M Conversation.

She wrote the "I do" being the longest line.

The Twins travel to Canada for a 3-game series starting tonight against the Blue Jays. There is good news and bad news in the Wild Card race. The Good News is that the Twins are currently in possession of that final wild card spot. The bad news is that the entire American League are within striking distance of that final wild card spot that we hold so tenderly. The Royals, Mariners and AngeIs are all a mere half game back, The Rangers are 1 game back and the Rays and Orioles are just a moderately-sized hot streak from joining the pack. There is a crowd and a risk of somebody getting trampled. Here are some things to think about: 1. Canada – There is only one professional baseball team in all of Canada. I was trying to imagine what that would be like if the situation was reversed. Let’s say there was a team from New York in the Canadian Football League. You have to suspend your imagination and assume that it is possible to have a 55 yard line on American soil but let’s say New York had a team and was the only American team in the CFL. Would our American pride be so great that we would cheer for the New York team? Would Americans know who won the Grey Cup every year? Personally, I’m not sure that I would, because to me Canadians are just like Americans without a gun. Canadians have free health care but Americans have White Castle restaurants so there are differences. Next time you go to Canada, it’ll almost feel like home. If you don’t know how to address a Canadian guy when up there, just call him Gordon and you have a 50% chance of being correct. 2. Our Twins – You can’t compare records in baseball and assume it’s an indication on how things turn out. We just got done sweeping the D-Backs and followed that with the lowly White Sox... and in that 5-game series the Sox won 3 of them. Its baseball where the Phillies can beat the Dodgers on any given night. All you can do is keep putting the uniform on to get ready for the next game. It’s late August and the Twins are in Wild Card position and that is more exciting than it being late August, looking out your window and wondering if the grass is long enough to mow. 3. The Blue Jays – These guy have been labeled the biggest disappointment in baseball so far in 2017. They were supposed to have the pitching needed along with the big bats of Donaldson, Tulo and Bautista. The Jays and Red Sox were supposed to be competing for that AL East crown. Let’s be clear, the Jays are not out of it, they are 5 games behind us, but, I believe they fully expected to be in much stronger position. In my opinion, this makes them a little dangerous. They can still get hot and grab a WC spot and become that team nobody wants to face. Nobody will want to face the Jays not because they have talent but mainly because nobody wants to go to Toronto in October unless you live in Winnipeg. 4. Today’s Joe M Conversation: Morgan: Hey, Joe… I’ve always wondered what it was like being a ghost. McCarthy: It’s alright… it’s a lot like being alive only you are not. Maddon: What kind of things do ghosts do? McCarthy: I don’t know… we get together and play Pac-Man… we gather around the fire and tell people stories. The same stuff you guys do. Mauer: If you don’t mind me asking… how did you die? McCarthy: I was literally scared half to death… twice. 5. Abbreviations – I haven’t got much today but I was thinking that the word 'abbreviation' is way too long of a word. Along those lines: “I am” is the shortest sentence in the English language. “I do” is the longest. ____________________ Lineups: TWINS Brian Dozier 2B Joe Mauer 1B Byron Buxton CF Eduardo Escobar 3B Jorge Polanco SS Eddie Rosario LF Mitch Garver DH Max Kepler RF Chris Gimenez C Bartolo Colon P BLUE JAYS Steve Pearce LF Josh Donaldson DH Justin Smoak 1B Jose Bautista 3B Miguel Montero C Kevin Pillar CF Norichika Aoki RF Ryan Goins SS Darwin Barney 2B J.A. Happ P Weather: inside the dome temperate Click here to view the article

Greeting from Morehead, Kentucky. That was quite a weekend for our Twins. It wasn’t a sweep of the D-Backs, it was a high powered leaf blowing of the D-Backs. It was snake handling at the expert level, scoring 27 runs on what was the 2nd best team ERA in baseball. The Twins get to follow that with a 5-game series in Chicago starting with a big, Monday doubleheader. The White Sox are not run by Bill Veeck anymore. You can tell that those days are gone because I can’t find anything special happening at Guaranteed Rate Field during the solar eclipse, other than a start time of game 1 that is well past the 1:18 event. Eighty-seven percent coverage of the sun is expected in Chicago with maybe 26% coverage of the game by the media. Bill Veeck would have at least invited everyone to the ball park early and gave away free optometrists to the first 10,000 fans. Myself, I didn’t make plans to view the eclipse but I will be driving from Kentucky to Georgia today and my car will be crossing the center line path on the way, so I’ll probably stop driving somewhere in Tennessee, find a nearby park and watch a total eclipse of the park. After many requests that I do so over my lifetime, it’s a chance to finally stick it where the sun don’t shine. After it is over… I will attempt to finish my drive to Atlanta like Stevie Wonder would. Which will only be a slight decline from my usual inattentive driving style. At first I thought it was going be a total ellipse... and with my overuse of that punctuation... it made sense that I was there. Turns out... it's just an eclipse... but... I'll take a look anyway. [NOTE: If you use a welder's helmet to watch the eclipse, as seen in the photo of the article, make sure the glass is #14 glass.] Here are some things to think about: 1. Carbondale – In extreme Southern Illinois lies the city of Carbondale. I’m out of things about which to make fun of Chicago, and since a large chunk of Chicagoans will be in Carbondale for the eclipse, I thought I’d focus on this place of mainly Cardinals Fans. Nearly 26,000 people live in Carbondale year round but they estimate 60,000 people will invade the city today. Oddly enough, Shawn Colvin grew up in Carbondale, talk about “Sunny Came Home.” Carbondale was named after a nearby coal deposit by Daniel Brush who was the first area landowner. That’s how close the city came to being named Coaldaniel. 2. Our Twins – It was a great weekend and I hope it leads to a great week and great month of September. In Today’s doubleheader we have a couple of interesting pitchers. Dillon Gee and Tim “Call me Ishmael” Melville will throw for the Twins. Gee has been pretty good out of the pen for us so I am hopeful for a decent start today. Melville I know very little about; all I know is that he has spent a little time in the majors some years ago, never mind how precisely. I hope he has a whale of a game. 3. The White Sox – After many years of trying to win with expensive free agents, the White Sox have gone the opposite direction and the youth is starting to bubble to the surface. The Twins will get to see Yoan Moncada, Carson Fulmer and Lucas Giolito during this series. The cool thing about rookies is that they make the minimum. They are paid a minimum guaranteed rate at Guaranteed Rate Field. 4. Today’s Joe M Conversation: Maddon: Joe… do you alter your approach at the plate depending on the pitcher you are facing? Mauer: I do… When I face Kluber for example… I like to see as many pitches as I can to get a feel for what he is throwing. Morgan: That’s smart because Kluber has 5 different pitches that he can throw effectively. McCarthy: What about a left hander like Chris Sale? Montana: Yeah… Sale… with that big slider from the left side. Mauer: Exactly… with Sale you have to be aware of that slider. So with him… I like to see as many pitches as I can. Maddon: What would you do against one of my guys? Jake Arrieta for example. Mauer: With Arrieta you got treat him a little differently. He’s got that cross body style that can be a little confusing because it’s unique. So… I like to see as many pitches as I can. 5. Explanations – My youngest son asked me “Dad… can you explain what an eclipse is?” Naturally I shook my head and replied, “No Sun.” And I dropped the Mic. Yes... I use a Microphone when I talk to my kids. ____________________ Lineups: TWINS Brian Dozier 2B Joe Mauer DH Byron Buxton CF Eduardo Escobar 3B Chris Gimenez C Eddie Rosario LF Mitch Garver 1B Max Kepler RF Jorge Polanco SS Tim Melville P WHITE SOX Leury Garcia LF Yoan Moncada 2B Jose Abreu 1B Nicky Delmonico DH Avisail Garcia RF Holmer Sanchez 3B Tim Anderson SS Omar Narvaez C Adam Engel CF Carlos Rodon P Weather: 80s, humid, cloudy ... rain is coming, but let's hope it hits after the 2nd game tonight. But even so, it shouldn't be so much to cancel/postpone a game. Click here to view the article

So Yeah... You are responsible!!!

I do that a lot. I also carry on conversations with myself while showering. I also wash my hair during job interviews.