How about an aggressive swing at a pitch that would only have had a chance to be a strike at a bowling alley? Hey, at least it's a change of pace from the patented Mauer called third.
Yes, the season is barely more than 1/100th over, but... No, really, I get that it's just two games, and yet the Twins not scoring runs, well, http://media.giphy.com/media/n4GnKL68ol0ty/giphy.gif
Emotional support for the failed batter's inevitably quick return to the dugout? Hey, c'mon, it's a long season, and we don't want Molly hurt the feelings of any Twin by PH'ing for them at least until after a couple of hundred absolutely futile AB's...
I keep dreading the day that some well-meaning teammate or fan discloses that his Baseball Prospectus ceiling was supposed to be 'light-hitting utility infielder'. I mean, what if he's a huge BProp fan, and he's like "Those guys know what they're talking about, I'm probably trying to do too much", and the next thing you know, he's a Nishi-riffic utility infielder again.
Ahhh, Whitman Mayo, better known as Sanford and Son's beloved neighbor, the perpetually befuddled Grady... http://41.media.tumblr.com/e812ae43d831df5b39f15f701efc80fc/tumblr_nsj8y6M86H1rek8gso1_1280.jpg
Creepy sexual advances on young female game show contestants? http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yQZTV_cZRxY/Te72lg1iFlI/AAAAAAAAAw4/3vEhrtu8FDQ/s1600/deadgene.png
And Mauer is a bit out of the ordinary as well. While it's a very different situation from 3-2, he accomplished the fairly unusual feat of going nearly three years without swinging at a 3-0 pitch. When he finally did, Fangraphs found it worthy of an article.
"... There's just one place, that can light my face..." http://static1.businessinsider.com/image/4fa13b4469bedd162500000e/driving-through-the-wasteland-of-gary-indiana-will-make-you-sick.jpg
The poor man's F-Rod, Frankie Rodriguez. Middle infielder turned middling pitcher. Had forgotten he managed a 206 inning season at age 23. His 1996 5.05 ERA was good for an ERA+ of exactly 100, and his 3 CG's were not only one more than the entire Twins staff managed in 2016, it was just one less than the 2016 AL team average. And he somehow managed to throw in 2 saves for good measure.
Me too. Best I could do, and as a bonus, the ratio of a typical 4 door sedan's weight of about 3400 pounds and a smart car's 1800 is almost exactly the same as the Buxton/Sano weight ratio, if you believe Reusse's column.
Just one. He's setting an example for the kids on his minor league team, so Matt's slimming down these days... http://www.pizzaonestop.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/managers-special1.jpg
Every time I see JJ Hardy play, I wonder what kind of failsafes the Twins organization has in place to keep Bill Smith from ever being the guy who makes trades again... http://www.wired.com/images_blogs/dangerroom/2010/04/keyturn-660x438.jpg
It might not quite be Morpheus sparring with Neo, but it's bound to be a little more exciting than Joe Mauer explaining how the right hand lotion is critical to giving him the proper feel of the bat.