Mauer Worries that ‘Cincinnati Rain Delay’ Is Slang for S-E-X

The Minnesota Twins endured a long rain delay before Wednesday’s game with the Cincinnati Reds, one which ended early when another storm rolled through and sent the Twins to a 4-2 defeat after six innings of play.

For one former Twin, the Reds’ victory also raised some red flags.

“I dunno,” said former Minnesota catcher and first-ballot Hall of Famer Joe Mauer, “The kids these days all have potty mouths. If someone says, ‘Cincinnati rain delay,’ I don’t think it’s about the weather, I just assume they’re talking about S-E-X.

“That means sex, by the way,” he added in a whisper.

Mauer said he first became aware of these double-entendres during his playing days.

“[Glen Perkins] and [Justin Morneau] were doing some swears on a road trip like they usually did,” said Mauer. “And Perk says, ‘If you don’t believe me, take a look at urban dictionary dot com.’ I didn’t have a computer on my phone yet, so when we checked into the hotel, I went down to the business center and checked this so-called Urban Dictionary out. My gosh, it was so raunchy that I unplugged the computer and told the front desk that it was haunted.”

In fact, a search for “Cincinnati Rain Delay” revealed no hidden meaning behind the phrase. The false alarm relieved the 3-time All-Star, but he’s no less vigilant.

“Morneau got me some real nice patio furniture for my birthday last year and said they were from a new brand called Cuck Chairs,” said Mauer. “So my wife and I had some friends over from my kids’ school for a barbecue. She handled the burgers and hot dogs while I got pops for everyone. I told the fellas to go sit in the Cuck Chairs, they’re my favorite, and you can watch my wife go to town on all that meat. They looked at me super weird.

“I sent a text to Justin and he just replied with the yellow head man laughing with tears in his eyes. I think that means rude humor? I was pretty steamed,” he added.

Image license here.