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The Human Fan Condition (Twins versus Phillies -- Games 60-62)


Axel Kohagen

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Twins vs. Phillies

 

Run(s) Scored (Twins 3 Phillies 2—Game 60)

 

Run(s) scored.

 

When my team is at bat, I add up all the players and figure out how many runs could’ve gone on the scoreboard. I assume the highest number possible.

 

But when it’s the other team . . .

 

As soon as “Run(s) scored” appears on my smartphone screen all sounds around me cease. I can hear my heart beat. I don’t even count up how bad the damage could be. I just assume infinity.

 

Somehow, despite seemingly being on the mount for all but four minutes of the baseball game, PJ Walters got out of two of those soul-stopping” Run(s) scored” announcements with the minimum amount of damage and Justin Morneau smacked a single to take the game.

 

By the way, we were watching a zombie movie called Warm Bodies last night. When the movie wanted to up the young-and-innocent-love factor, they showed the lovers visiting a ballpark.

 

I think I’ve said this before. In the even of a zombie apocalypse, baseball is our only hope.

 

The Old Man Snuggle (Twins 4 Phillies 3 – Game 61)

 

The Twins came from behind and won.

 

I’m not going to lie. I didn’t even give this game a chance.

 

I went to bed early because I’m old and cranky and totally felt like it.

 

It was great, too. Quiet and peaceful. The wife stayed up watching TV so I had the whole bed to myself.

 

That’s a lie. I had two small cats with me who didn’t take up a small amount of room, but I didn’t mind. And then the wife came to bed and I gave her the third of bed space she’s used to.

 

When I was in my early twenties, this would have felt like surrender. Now, it feels like Christmas.

 

The present came when I got up in the morning, checked my text messages, and saw the good guys won.

 

Not a bad way to start a morning.

 

Deckstravaganzapalooza Gala (Twins 2 Phillies 3 – Game 62)

 

The Twins came up with a lead in the downhill innings, then gave it right back and spun around in strikeout circles until the game was over and the Twins lost.

 

Two out of 3 and all that.

 

Rough game ending for the Twins Deckstravaganza outing, where Twins bloggers and social media types get out on the Budweiser deck to watch the game.

 

First, I gotta say that someday I WILL get up to the Budweiser deck.

 

Secondly, I gotta wonder if all of us who type and tweet would give it all up for a chair at the barbershop or a booth at the local restaurant where the baseball talk flows without the aid of technology.

 

Would we still do all of this if we knew a place where everybody knows our name and they’re always glad we came?

 

I mean, what are YOU doing with all the free time you’ve saved because you knew how to handle technology?

 

Nothing against the Deckstravaganza – I’d love to go someday. And I love meeting minds in this great big world of blogging.

 

I guess, after a loss and busted sweep, I just need a hug and an album by The Cure.

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Twins vs. Phillies

 

Run(s) Scored (Twins 3 Phillies 2—Game 60)

 

Run(s) scored.

 

When my team is at bat, I add up all the players and figure out how many runs could’ve gone on the scoreboard. I assume the highest number possible.

 

But when it’s the other team . . .

 

As soon as “Run(s) scored” appears on my smartphone screen all sounds around me cease. I can hear my heart beat. I don’t even count up how bad the damage could be. I just assume infinity.

 

Somehow, despite seemingly being on the mount for all but four minutes of the baseball game, PJ Walters got out of two of those soul-stopping” Run(s) scored” announcements with the minimum amount of damage and Justin Morneau smacked a single to take the game.

 

By the way, we were watching a zombie movie called Warm Bodies last night. When the movie wanted to up the young-and-innocent-love factor, they showed the lovers visiting a ballpark.

 

I think I’ve said this before. In the even of a zombie apocalypse, baseball is our only hope.

 

The Old Man Snuggle (Twins 4 Phillies 3 – Game 61)

 

The Twins came from behind and won.

 

I’m not going to lie. I didn’t even give this game a chance.

 

I went to bed early because I’m old and cranky and totally felt like it.

 

It was great, too. Quiet and peaceful. The wife stayed up watching TV so I had the whole bed to myself.

 

That’s a lie. I had two small cats with me who didn’t take up a small amount of room, but I didn’t mind. And then the wife came to bed and I gave her the third of bed space she’s used to.

 

When I was in my early twenties, this would have felt like surrender. Now, it feels like Christmas.

 

The present came when I got up in the morning, checked my text messages, and saw the good guys won.

 

Not a bad way to start a morning.

 

Deckstravaganzapalooza Gala (Twins 2 Phillies 3 – Game 62)

 

The Twins came up with a lead in the downhill innings, then gave it right back and spun around in strikeout circles until the game was over and the Twins lost.

 

Two out of 3 and all that.

 

Rough game ending for the Twins Deckstravaganza outing, where Twins bloggers and social media types get out on the Budweiser deck to watch the game.

 

First, I gotta say that someday I WILL get up to the Budweiser deck.

 

Secondly, I gotta wonder if all of us who type and tweet would give it all up for a chair at the barbershop or a booth at the local restaurant where the baseball talk flows without the aid of technology.

 

Would we still do all of this if we knew a place where everybody knows our name and they’re always glad we came?

 

I mean, what are YOU doing with all the free time you’ve saved because you knew how to handle technology?

 

Nothing against the Deckstravaganza – I’d love to go someday. And I love meeting minds in this great big world of blogging.

 

I guess, after a loss and busted sweep, I just need a hug and an album by The Cure.

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